"Then why the hell did you show up last night?" I asked coldly. I tried to keep my cool when my character came under fire, but I'd never been good at that.
"That's a great question," she said with a laugh. "Since you asked, I was actually planning to be done with you after the last time, but, like I said, my girl talked me into showing up. She thought I was being too cutthroat, thought I owed it to us both to talk things out, which was what I planned to do after your show." Elena fell silent for a moment, but then came back with another revelation. "You know … it's not that women are ignorant to that fact that men like you aren't the kind you settle down with, but you're so damn good at making us think we're special. So good at making us think there's hope that you'll change one day."
"I don't need anyone to change me." I felt myself getting angry, but did my best to keep it under wraps so I wouldn't blow up at her.
She took her time thinking about that. "Yeah … well," she scoffed. "I sure hope you enjoy being alone, because no woman in her right mind will ever take being with a guy like you seriously," was her final conclusion. "Have a wonderful life, Marco. I sure hope this girl knows what she's getting herself into."
Brynn
If I'd snuck back in before the sun came up, I might've gotten away with it, but that wasn't the case. Leaving him last night just wasn't happening.
"Ohhhh, you've got some explaining to do," came Mona's voice the second I walked through the door. There was a mixture of relief and amusement in her tone, but I didn't look up to confirm either.
"What the hell do you think you're doing running out of here in the middle of the night? And then shutting your phone off?" she asked.
I closed the door and then answered. "I didn't turn it off, it died and I didn't have my charger on me."
She was quiet and I finally locked eyes with her. There was definitely no anger there, just concern. I would've felt the same way had the tables been turned.
"I didn't mean to have you worried," I apologized.
She narrowed her eyes for a moment, watching as I slipped out of my shoes, and then a slow smile spread across her face. "Mmm hmm … didn't think I heard you, huh?"
My cheeks were warm and tight with a smile of my own.
She cocked her head to the side and asked, "What'd you do?" in the most suspicious tone ever.
I set my purse down on the coffee table and then plopped down on the couch beside her. I had no intentions of hiding this from Mona, but it wouldn't be easy to share the details about Marco I'd kept to myself. There was the possibility of her judging him, or judging me for having feelings for him, and … I just didn't feel like dealing with any of it. However, she is my best friend and if I was going to tell anyone the whole truth, it'd be her.
Mona tilted her head to the side and took in my expression. "Whatever it is, spill it."
I leaned against the cushion and prepared my mind for this confession, just letting the words flow uninhibited. "The Marco from last night was … thee Marco."
Mona's eyes stretched about as wide as they could as I turned to stare at her. "Wow … definitely didn't see that coming."
"He uh … he just told me about what he does not too long ago," I added.
A hush filled the room as I was sure Mona was trying to digest my news. I, on the other hand, was trying not to bite my nails waiting for her to say something. Peoples' opinions didn't mean everything, but I can admit to caring a lot about what Mona and my brother thought of me. For one, I didn't want them worrying about me while I was out here without family. I wanted them to know I could handle this situation I'd gotten myself into without complicating my life further. And if I had to guess, that was exactly what Mona was thinking-‘What the hell kind of mess is this girl making of her life?'
"I um … I'm not sure what to say," were the first words she spoke after a long pause. "I mean … of course you're grown and I support your decisions, whatever they may be, but," she paused again and I held my breath. "Are you sure you really want to get involved with … " she shrugged, trying to find the right words. "Are you sure you want to get involved with someone like that? Someone who leads that kind of life?"
And there it was, that judgement I was afraid of. No, Mona hadn't said anything I probably wouldn't have if we were in one another's shoes, but I still hated hearing it. And even more, I didn't like hearing that twinge of doubt in her voice-doubt that Marco was someone who had long-term potential. And it dawned on me that the reason I hated hearing that tone in her voice was because I was starting to see the long-term potential in him.
He was caring, protective, and had a good heart. The more time we spent together, the more I found myself longing to have my family be complete. No, I wasn't jumping ahead and hearing wedding bells or anything like that, but I could see things with us gradually deepening as time went on. I'd take my time and I was sure Marco would agree that was best, but … yeah … I saw potential in him I didn't months ago and Mona's disapproving expression was dashing that growing hope-as if they hadn't already been dashed enough.
She placed a hand on top of mine and my eyes went there. "I didn't mean to rain on your parade," she clarified. "I'm not trying to be negative or anything. I'm just making sure you're not being blinded by those hearts I see in your eyes," she added sweetly, smiling when she spoke.
I always valued Mona and Ced's opinions. They knew me better than anyone and, therefore, I listened when they expressed concern for me or my decisions. That wasn't me letting people run my life; that's wisdom. These weren't just people off the street who liked to tell me how to live just because they enjoyed hearing themselves speak. These were people who loved and cared about me. So, for that reason, I didn't rush to speak just to defend myself, Marco, or my feelings. I let Mona's words sink in and I listened with my mind as well as my heart.
"Can I ask you something?" she said next, cutting into my now cluttered thoughts.
I nodded. "Yeah."
"If it wasn't for you having this baby and if you'd known what he does for a living from the beginning … would you give him the time of day?"
I thought about that, but when I opened my mouth to speak, Mona cut in again.
"I mean, consider everything, Brynn," she added.
So I did. I considered everything. I thought about how, before realizing he danced, he wasn't typically available on weekends for anything other than quick check-ins and rushed conversations. I thought about how late he'd gotten in the night before from the club. I thought about run-ins with people who'd seen him perform and the implications that could have on my life … on my child's life. Would I be okay with having to hide that side of who Marco was just so people wouldn't judge us? Would I want to deal with the repercussions that could arise when people inevitably did find out? Was I okay with the women throwing themselves at him? Was I okay with him having to pretend to love it while he took to the stage for them to gawk at him? Touch him? Was I prepared for all of that?
… No.
But all I said in response to Mona's question was, "I'm not sure."
I lowered my head and thought on it more. Marco was a good person. His occupation had no bearings on that. I even got why he danced-his family needed him and that stage gave him an opportunity to make a lot of cash quickly, so they never had to want for anything. I understood that. I respected that, but … did that mean I was ready to take all that on myself?
Mona nudged me and smiled dimly, bringing me out of my thoughts. "We don't have to talk about it," she concluded. "Just tell me about your night."
Her attempt at switching the topic, her attempt at making the conversation lighter, was a failed one. The damage had already been done. There was no way I'd tell her the intimate details of my night knowing she'd be secretly side-eyeing me for entertaining the thought of being with Marco. I wasn't mad at her; I just didn't want to pretend like I wasn't aware of the fact that she wasn't on board with my decision to explore things with him.
I faked a smile and shrugged, giving her nothing more than a vague, "I had a nice time."
I think she knew I didn't want to share anything other than that, because she didn't push. Normally, we would've sat here half the afternoon going back and forth about it, but not today. Actually, for the first time ever, I felt like I'd be better off keeping something from my best friend. She wouldn't hear anything else about it.