The real question on my mind, the one I was ignoring was: Would I ever really be enough?
I let out a breath, realizing this sudden onslaught of insecurity hadn't been within me before tonight. Or if it had, I was able to ignore it. Now, listening to it all, seeing it all, there was no getting away from these new concerns. Adding insult to injury, Elena and her friend had found a seat diagonal to ours, so I had her in my line of sight now. It was impossible to put it out of my head that she was here, too.
For him.
A breath rushed over my lips when I sighed again.
I barely even noticed the lights had dimmed, but the volume lowering in the speakers did catch my attention.
"Are you having fun yet?" the emcee asked, aiming her mic at the crowd for several seconds as they yelled back.
She smiled big, giving them a chance to settle down before she went on.
"Y'all showed up on the right night," she went on, "because it's All-In Saturday and you know what that means!"
The first half of the show hadn't featured any of the guys naked, but I knew it was coming. Apparently, they all came back out and did a second set and that's when things really got crazy. I ran my fingers down the side of my neck, feeling more uncomfortable as the seconds ticked past.
"Our next guy needs no introduction. Hell … he's probably the reason most of you showed up tonight. Am I right?"
At her words, Marco's name hit my ears from every direction. Mona nudged me jokingly, under the impression that it was a coincidence that the man these women were all falling over shared a name with the man I knew.
Little did she know …
"Ladies … if you want him, yell his name … like … you … mean itttttttt!!!"
And so they did, they yelled his name until it drowned out the sound of the music now flooding from the speakers. They yelled it until they couldn't anymore.
They yelled it until I was sure he was just as unattainable as I already knew.
I put my head down.
The tone of the screams changed, became higher pitched, and I knew he was up there. Lifting my eyes toward the stage, I took a long, hard look at him-confident, sexy, bold-but he was all those things to everyone.
Not just me.
My stomach churned and I wished these feelings hadn't come up, but they did. I'd never been incredibly unsure of myself, nothing outside the normal highs and lows most women experience, but tonight, seeing them all losing their minds over the one man I wanted … it was hard to watch.
So, acknowledging what tonight was-All-In Saturday-and acknowledging what Marco's performance tonight would entail, I lowered my head.
I didn't need to see anymore.
I'd already seen enough.
Chapter Twenty
Marco
The spotlights never bothered me, but tonight they did. Even with my cap shielding my eyes, it was hard to see through the crowd. These particular Saturdays were always crazy. There was no telling where Brynn was hiding. And I meant that. As reserved as she was, I was sure she found a dark corner to sneak off to.
I'd find her, though.
When the ladies didn't settle quickly enough, Ivy cranked up the volume to drown them out. Security was already stationed near the steps making a path because they knew I was coming down. They held an empty chair aside for me to take-which I could've brought from backstage, but it was more theatrical for me to come down into the audience to set the scene on my own. It was all about the show.
Taking slow steps in my boots, the Timberlands I left here specifically for performances, I walked on stage again and set the chair in the middle. Removing the large, black towel from my shoulder next, I draped it over the back of the chair. Every movement, even now when I wasn't dancing, was calculated and served a purpose.
These women came here to have a fantasy played out before their eyes. Watching me set up was a part of that; not knowing who I'd pull up here this week, imagining it would be them-it all sent the anticipation through the roof. I learned a long time ago that the more authentic, or unrehearsed, a one-on-one striptease felt, the more explosive the reaction. That was the sole reason I didn't do costumes for these acts. All I needed was the white tank and dark jeans I brought to throw on with my boots and baseball cap. The idea was to make this feel like I was a regular guy off the street.
The screams were deafening when I stood front and center, scanning the crowd. While I was sure the hundreds of women here thought I was trying to decide who to bring up on stage tonight, I already had someone in mind, although I didn't see her anywhere.
I walked to the edge and crouched lower, making a show of my search, hooding my eyes with my hand to block out the light even more.
"He's on the prowl, ladies!" Ivy said through the speakers, getting them even more hyped. Hands grabbed at my arms and pant legs, one to the back of my neck.
"I love you, Marco! Pick me," a chick off to my left yelled. I smiled, acknowledging her, but she wasn't the one. Another gently took my hand and I smiled and kept moving.
It was against protocol to leave the stage unattended, but to hell with protocol. Searching from the stage wasn't getting the job done and I wanted to find her. Security scurried toward me, probably calling me all out my name for getting down without one of them being present. More hands, running down my arms and back, a kiss to my cheek, hands all over my jeans, but I continued on with slow strides unfazed by all the touching.
And then I spotted her, realizing why she'd been so hard to find-she was the only woman in the entire building sitting.
She chilled there, zoning out in her thoughts, completely unaware that I was even coming her way. It was the spotlight trailing me that caught her attention, made those big, pretty, brown eyes find mine. She shifted in her seat, uncomfortable with everyone's attention suddenly being on her. I took another step, closing the ten or so feet that kept us apart.
"Marco!" someone called out, but this time it was harsh, demanding.
The tone my name was spoken in halted me and I turned, meeting the cold gaze of a heavily made-up blonde waving her hands, trying to get my attention. I was just going to ignore her and finish making my way to Brynn when the girl pointed in front of her to a woman in a tight, red dress; a woman I recognized.
Elena.
We hadn't spoken in weeks, not since the incident in the parking lot. Actually, I was pretty sure she was done with me after that. It had never been my intention to hurt her or to embarrass her, but I was pretty sure that's what I'd done.
Elena shied away from my gaze when she pushed her hair behind her ear, wearing whatever insecurities I brought out from within her on her sleeve.
"Which way you goin', man?" James, the head of our security detail, asked, leaning in when he couldn't anticipate my direction. To my right stood Elena-the woman I would've given my right arm to have a chance with in the not so distant past. To my left, Brynn-a woman I was feeling more than I ever thought I would. Our connection was beginning to deepen and I loved getting to know her, letting her get to know me.
"Uh oh," Ivy said into the mic. "Looks like we have a standoff tonight, girls. Who's it gonna be?" she asked, hyping the room up even more, unaware of the fact that she made an already uncomfortable situation even more uncomfortable.
Elena only now made eye contact with me and I couldn't ignore the hopeful look in her eyes, almost like she expected me to choose her. Brynn, on the other hand, looked at everything and everyone but me. It was her girls who made her stand to her feet when they realized she was on my radar.
She was uncomfortable with this, which I gathered from our phone call. This wasn't an ideal situation for me either, but I wouldn't let her know that. The fear of being judge by her was real, but only because I actually cared what she thought of me. I wanted this woman. More than I'd wanted anyone in a long time. More than she knew.
But, damn … I didn't want to hurt anyone.
Still, I knew I had to choose. And I also knew beyond the shadow of a doubt who I'd be taking on stage with me. There was never a question about it.
"What's it gonna be, Marco?" Ivy asked, laughing into the mic.
Time was running out and I had to just follow my gut … follow my heart. Elena's feelings were a non-factor when it came to Brynn.
And now she'd know that.
The look of disappointment on Elena's face when I took that first step in Brynn's direction made me feel terrible, but I didn't regret my choice. Brynn was too important to me to put doubt in her head, especially knowing that being here tonight probably wasn't easy. I wanted her to know that, whenever it came down to it, I'd always choose her. Any day of the week. In any situation.
I'd choose her.
She breathed in so deeply I saw her chest rise even with the distance between us. Her eyes softened and whatever she'd been feeling when I first found her seemed to melt away. I stood before her, waiting for her to agree to come up on stage with me.