"Brynn Palmer?"
The nurse's voice made me dismiss the dirty thoughts from my head. As I stood from my seat, I felt Marco's fingers grip my arm loosely, helping me to my feet. I wasn't nearly to the point in this pregnancy of needing help like that, but it was still a very sweet gesture.
I'd seen a new side of him, ever since he came over for breakfast a few weeks ago. He blew me away with the things he said, with his plans of being an attentive father. It was an unexpected surprise, but definitely a welcomed one. The thought of doing this by myself was scarier than I let on, but now, according to Marco, I didn't have to worry about that.
And I can't quite put my finger on why, but … I believed him.
"We're going to put you in room three," the nurse said with a smile, walking Marco and I halfway down the hall before stopping. We entered the dimly lit room and I stepped closer to the table at its center. The monitor to the right was lit and I looked over the technician's work station, feeling just a little nervous. I'd come in by myself for the first ultrasound, so this was a little different; having him here with me was a little different.
"I'll give you a moment to get yourself situated and then I'll be back to get you set up," the woman said, wearing an excited smile. "And, Dad, if she needs it, you can help her up onto the table."
Marco nodded, not at all jarred by being referred to in that way, and then moved closer to my side as the woman left us alone in the room. His hand went to the small of my back and I hoped he didn't notice how the contact made me shudder when his touch sent heat sizzling through me.
"Watch your step," he said, his voice sounding gentle. He handled me with such a delicate touch it made me smile. It was like he thought he'd break me or something; like every step I took was an obstacle he had to get me through.
I sat, hearing the thin sheet of paper crinkling beneath me when I did. Marco filled the seat beside the table and we waited.
"You okay?" he asked, making me glance his way.
I gave a nod, confused as to why he thought otherwise. Maybe he could tell I was a little nervous with him here. "I'm good. Why, I don't seem okay?"
He pointed at my legs and my eyes went there when his did. "Because you haven't been able to sit still since I got here."
He finished speaking and I continued to alternate between my legs shaking and rocking my entire body from side to side.
Laughing, I decided to share with him the source of my discomfort. "They made me drink a ton of water before I got here and … considering the fact that I always have to pee these days anyway … I'm a little uncomfortable. That's all," I assured him, which was mostly true. The side effects of my extreme awareness of his presence today weren't visible.
He still seemed curious, but didn't question me further about it.
A gentle knock at the door made Marco and I both direct our attention that way. The ultrasound tech flashed a gentle smile and closed the door behind her when she entered.
"Hello, my name's Nancy. I'll be conducting your scan this morning."
I smiled back. "Nice to meet you."
She shook both mine and Marco's hands and then approached her work station where she slipped on a pair of latex gloves. She clicked a few buttons and then her monitor beeped once or twice.
"If I could just get you to lie back, pull your shirt up above your stomach, and then pull your pants down as low as you can get them on your hips, we can get started."
As much as I'd like to say I'm one-hundred percent confident, as easy as this would've been if I was completely comfortable with my body … that didn't seem to be the case at the moment with Marco sitting right beside me. Regardless of how much he'd seen of me in the past, we weren't together and this was definitely awkward. However, I didn't have much choice today.
You know what? What the hell? Just do it, Brynn.
Pretending not to care about exposing myself to him-in all my wonderfully thick glory- I just went for it, easing my shirt up below my bra and inching my pants to the base of my pelvis like Nancy asked me to do. No, it was no secret I had meat on my bones and I'd never been particularly shy about that; however, at any size, I would've been somewhat uncomfortable right now. I attributed less of that to the size printed on inside tag of my clothes and more to the perfection that accompanied me today in all his mannish glory.
Forcing my breaths to stay deep and even, I wouldn't even look at Marco. Because of that, I had no idea if he was watching or not, although, I guessed he was. At this point, I just wanted to get this over with, but mostly because I had to pee so bad.
"Ok, I'm just going to tuck this around your waist so your pants don't get messy when I put the jelly on your stomach," Nancy explained, covering the tops of my jeans with a paper sheet.
I didn't say anything back, but I did steal a glance at Marco. I couldn't help it anymore. And just like I knew he would be, he was watching everything.
I stared up at the ceiling again.
Warm goo squirted out the white tube Nancy held, covering a sizeable spot on my skin. She touched her ultrasound instrument to my stomach right after, only applying gentle pressure as she moved it around slowly.
I craned my neck to see her monitor and she smiled, turning it so I had a better view and could relax again. She clicked away on her keyboard with the hand that wasn't on my stomach. Last time, there was nothing but a white, bean-shaped smudge on the screen, but now …
"There's your baby," Nancy said with a smile. And a baby it was.
I stared at the black and white image and couldn't believe there was really a baby in there. I mean, the morning sickness, which I'd just gotten past, was definitely an indicator, but it was different seeing it for myself.
And then, with the click of a button, the speakers on Nancy's computer came to life and the sound of a quick, strong heartbeat filled the room.
"Damn … " Marco whispered to himself. Hearing his voice, I turned his way again, finding him grinning from ear to ear as he watched the monitor. There was this look of contentment behind his eyes. My heart warmed at seeing it.
"Are you two interested in knowing the sex?" Nancy asked.
"Yes," Marco and I answered in unison. I laughed a little and so did Nancy.
"All righty then. Give me just one sec," she said, moving her instrument to get a different angle. I ignored the twinge of discomfort when she pressed it to the base of my stomach.
She glanced over at Marco and I. "Do either of you have a preference?"
I shook my head and he said, "No," aloud.
"Well then, I'm happy to announce, in roughly five months, you'll be holding a beautiful baby girl in your arms."
A girl.
We were having a girl.
All I could do was stare at the screen, watching our daughter in awe when the words, "I can't wait to meet her," were spoken off to my right in a deep, gruff voice. A voice that made goosebumps spring up on my arms.
This softer, sensitive side of him was nice. All this time, I'd been feeling like I didn't deserve to be happy about this because of how it all went down, but … being honest? I agreed with Marco wholeheartedly.
I couldn't wait to meet our baby girl, either.
We stood there together with our backs against the side of my car, both staring at the set of pictures Nancy had given us to keep.
"It feels so real now," Marco said, cutting into my imaginative thoughts of what the little one would look like when she arrived. "Not that I didn't believe it all before, but now? Seeing her?"
He really was getting excited about this.
"And I didn't realize it until we were in the exam room, but you're starting to show," he said, grinning when I glanced over. "It looks good on you."
I smiled, too. "Yeah, there's definitely a baby bump starting to grow." The second thing he said, the part about it looking good on me made my cheeks feel warm. "And thank you," I added.
The thought of having my shirt up in front of him overwhelmed me again and the smile I wore faded some.
"Were you okay with me being in there with you?" Marco asked, and the hopeful look on his face had me lying through my teeth, not wanting to disappoint him.
"Oh, yeah! It was fine!" I gushed, waving my hand like it was no big deal. I tried to be convincing.
It wasn't until Marco cracked a smile that I realized I hadn't done as good a job as I thought. He pushed a hand behind his neck, rubbing there for a moment, and then replacing it in the pocket of his jeans before asking, "You sure about that? You seemed a little … I don't know … uneasy."
Damn. Caught.
I didn't say anything right away.
"I mean, I know you had all the water in your system and whatnot, but … seemed like there might've been something else bothering you," he deduced.