What if she was like that?
What if she was one of those manipulative-type females?
What if late night phone calls with her yelling all in my ear about nonsense was what my future looked like now?
Even the possibility of having to put up with that made my head hurt.
I waved Carlos over when I was done setting up, but he didn't come. Instead, he shook his head and stayed posted against the wall.
"You ready or what?"
He shook his head again when I asked. "Nah, I'm good. You seem distracted, man. I'm gonna sit this one out."
At his words, Justin looked up from his phone. He was the only one I told about any of this, so I guessed he at least knew what was on my mind even though I hadn't told him the new development-that I was definitely gonna be a dad.
"Quit bein' such a pussy and get in the damn chair, man. You see Logan's came out fine." I gestured toward Logan and he gave my work a wordless thumbs up to back me up. "See?"
Carlos waited a few seconds, stared at me long and hard until he was sure, and then finally came over to the chair, unbothered by the fact that I was now laughing at him for almost punking out. While he removed his shirt so I could finish the art on his shoulder, I glanced over at Justin, not surprised to find him already watching me.
"You got something to say?" I asked, pretty much knowing what he was thinking.
He shrugged, pretending to be casual, and then started texting again as he answered my question. "Yup, but I won't put your business all out in the street."
The seat behind me creaked when Logan dropped down into it, probably so he wouldn't have to strain to eavesdrop.
These three, my brothers, were as close to me as my blood family. I already intended to fill them in on what was going on, but I was planning to wait for a better time-or maybe I was just stalling. However, when would we get another chance to talk openly without all the other guys being around? Here, in my shop, was probably the safest bet.
All eyes were on me as I pulled on a pair of black, latex gloves. Although they were just now showing it, the guys had probably been able to tell for weeks that something was wrong. This thing with Brynn had definitely stolen my focus. It wasn't affecting any of my work, but offstage I knew I'd withdrawn a bit. I didn't take calls from anyone I didn't have to and I found myself uninterested in hanging out. It'd been work and home for me. Those were the only places I went.
At this point, it didn't make sense to keep hiding my situation because, in a matter of months, everyone would know. I set aside the bottle of alcohol in my hand and took a breath. All three sets of eyes came my way.
"I got a call a few weeks ago." I paused, shaking my head at how hard this still was to believe. "Someone I met when we went to The Alibi a couple months ago. She and I hooked up and-"
"The one you banged in the bathroom?" Carlos blurted, smiling hard.
The fact that he remembered more than I did …
"Why can't I picture her?" Justin asked next, leaning forward in his seat. I glanced back and forth between the two of them. Both were more concerned with Brynn's appearance than the rest of my statement. "What's she look like?" The question was for Carlos, not me.
Carlos's smiled as he recalled an image of Brynn and I felt my brow tense. "She was definitely hittable, man. Definitely hittable," was the response he gave, nodding. "Marco's type all day-cute, brown-skinned, thick, hair was looking right, too." He paused to nod vigorously again, giving his seal of approval. "You know I would've stopped him from even going to talk to her if she was busted."
Justin shook his head. "I must've been high as hell, cause I can't remember a thing."
"You were," Logan confirmed from his seat.
Justin laughed and then saw the look on my face, realizing I wasn't nearly as entertained as the three of them were. "My bad, man. Get back to your story. We didn't mean to interrupt."
Deciding that my head was clear enough to work and talk at the same time, I loaded the new needle from a sterile pack and grabbed the alcohol again.
There was no candy-coating the rest of the story, so I gave up trying to ease into it and just blurted the words, "She's pregnant."
Dead silence.
I dropped the used wipe into the trash basket, carrying on while the guys processed everything.
"And you're sure it's yours?" Carlos asked.
I nodded. "We got the paternity test results yesterday … and it's definitely mine."
The razor I used to prep Carlos's shoulder clattered into the trash and I swiped his skin with alcohol one last time. Next, I glanced over at the sketch of what he and I discussed adding to his tattoo before grabbing the bottle of black ink.
"Wow, I didn't realize you went through with setting it up." Justin's tone let on that he was shocked, probably remembering how confused I was about everything the last time we talked.
I let out a breath and pressed my foot on the pedal, concentrating on the area of Carlos's skin where my lamp was focused. "Yup, it's official."
"Well, congratulations," Logan mumbled.
I laughed a little, but didn't turn toward him. "Thanks … I guess."
"Nah, this is gonna be a good thing," Carlos cut in. "Regardless of how it happened, this is your first kid. That's definitely something to celebrate."
"Agreed," Justin added.
One thing's for sure, they were all a hell of a lot more optimistic than me. Mostly, I was skeptical about how Brynn and I would manage to pull through this together. Being complete strangers was bound to make things more difficult.
"I know you don't know this chick all that well, but … " Carlos paused in the middle of his question. "Wait … what's her name, so I don't have to keep calling her that?" he asked.
"Brynn."
He started over. "I know you don't know Brynn all that well, but does she seem cool? She sending up any red flags?"
I thought about that and shook my head, answering honestly. "Not so far."
She'd been pretty level-headed about everything, aside from getting upset when I wanted a DNA test, but that was it and apparently, there were other things going on with her that day. So, for the most part, I suppose she seemed normal.
"So, she's how far along again?" Justin asked.
I did the math in my head. "A little over three months now."
Carlos's eyes widened. "Damn! And time is gonna fly past. She'll be delivering before you know it."
I envisioned that, her going into labor. When and if I ever decided to have kids, I imagined it would be with my wife, or at least someone I was committed to. How in the hell was I supposed to be there for Brynn through that and we didn't even have a basic connection? None of this felt right.
"Just quit talkin', Carlos. Looks like you're scaring him," Justin said with a laugh.
They continued to discuss my life, but I checked out of the conversation, trying to contemplate my next move, trying to sort out the details. However, before I could work through any of it on my own, I needed to clear the air with Brynn. With me just finding out all of this was legit roughly twenty-four hours ago, we hadn't had a chance to talk things through.
Just like I had questions and concerns, I was sure she did, too, and the easiest way to keep confusion down was to keep the lines of communication open.
We had to.
I refused to have drama between us and besides, in her condition, she didn't need that either. And whether I liked it or not, Brynn, for obvious reasons, was now my number one priority.
Period.
This may not have been an ideal situation, but I wasn't about to be a deadbeat. Not having the best relationship with my father growing up taught me a valuable lesson, a very simple one that I'd never forget: be there for your kid.
No matter what.
No excuses.
Brynn
"Dammit!"
One peek through the peephole when someone knocked sent me into cleaning hyper-drive. I scrambled to rid my coffee table of the half-empty bottle of ginger ale I downed to settle my stomach and my Sex in the City DVDs. After submitting a few resumes online in an effort to stay ahead of the curve if my job situation went sour, I let myself veg out in front of the TV. I needed a mental break, so to say this had been a lazy Saturday was an understatement.
Yesterday-my first appointment with Marco present-had been stressful. Having a stranger in the room while Dr. Rubino and I spoke in detail about the horror of first-trimester pregnancy was … strange. However, I knew I'd have to get used to it; if he was planning to be at other appointments, that is. For all I knew, he only made his way to this one to find out the test results. Who knows …
I wasn't expecting company today so I hadn't bothered getting out of my PJs, hence the reason I damn-near fell trying to hop into a pair of jeans. Nothing fit like it used to, so this was nothing short of a struggle. This was the very reason I'd been wearing a lot of stretch pants lately.