Guilt and shame hit me anew, but my mind skids to a halt. "What do you mean supposed? He is my ex. How can you even think that-"
His lip curls in disgust. "You're not stupid or blind. You damn well know how this looks."
"And how exactly does this look to you?" I ask, my heart thudding loudly in my ears. "Tell me, Gabriel, what do think went on here?"
For a second, I don't think he'll answer. But then something defiant flashes in his eyes, and he stiffens, those icy, business-like walls slamming down around him. It's so swift and effective, I can almost hear their phantom clang.
"It looks like you fucked us over."
He might as well have punched me in the gut. For a second I can't breathe.
"Right. All of this, all of what we had together, was just some elaborate ruse to get a story. Sure, why not? I can play a whore, can't I?"
I will not cry. I will not cry.
"Do not twist this, Sophie."
"I'm not twisting anything. You flat-out said it. I'm only clarifying your theory."
"I wouldn't have to theorize if you would simply tell me what the fuck happened!" He punches the air, as the words tear from him.
"I shouldn't have to explain that I'm not some gutter slut," I shout back. "You should trust me enough not to leap to that disgusting conclusion."
"And if it had been me? Had you walked in on me with someone who had already hurt your family, someone you knew I'd been in a relationship with while hurting your family? You'd honestly just assume it was all fine because you trust me?"
He looks at me with wide, pained eyes, and my heart squeezes. "Well … "
"No, you wouldn't," he cuts in, going hard once more. "At the very least, you'd expect an explanation without having to ask for it. And I would bloody well be giving it to you," he shouts. "Because you'd deserve that courtesy. Anyone would. And most certainly from the person you-"
His mouth snaps shut, and he turns away, running a hand through his hair. Hunched and trembling, he looks so defeated that I move to go to him. Because if he's hurting, I need to stop it.
But he doesn't give me a chance. He straightens once more and turns to me. "I am trying my best to give you a chance here. Because what Killian and I walked in on tonight did not look good." He spreads his hands in a helpless gesture. "Christ, Sophie, give me something to work with, a bloody breadcrumb of an explanation to take back to Killian."
My face burns so hotly it throbs. "Killian? You think I give a shit what Killian believes right now?"
"You should be extremely worried about what the bloody hell Killian thinks of you. The band's welfare should be your top priority, damn it."
"It's obviously yours," I snap.
"Of course it is." He slashes the air with his hand. "I'm their goddamn manager! What did you think?"
"I thought," I answer with a shaking voice, "I meant enough to you that you wouldn't make ugly assumptions. That you wouldn't worry about soothing Killian's feelings at the expense of mine."
All emotion wipes from his face, and he straightens to his full height, rolling his shoulders back as if to brace himself. "This is real life, Sophie. Not some movie. You don't get to use this as some test to see how much I'll blindly accept, as if that somehow will make me worthy of you."
I stand there, mouth open, unable to form a word. A test? He thinks this is some stupid test? But a small, dark part of me wonders, am I testing him?
I would explain all of it if he gave me half a chance to get a word in.
And yet I am hurt that he immediately thought the worst of me. How could I not be? We're better than this. I gave him my heart; I would never intentionally hurt him or anyone he loves. If he doesn't know that now, I'm not sure he ever will.
His voice is cold and methodical as he keeps picking, his fucking logic stomping on my heart with every word. "You think I don't understand what you're doing? Give me a little credit. I know you as well as you know me. Did it become too much fun, believing you could manage me?"
This pain is dull and hollow, and somehow worse because of it. I close my eyes against him. "First I'm a sleazy schemer, and now I'm some jerk who enjoys leading you around by the balls for fun? Is that it?"
"Goddamn it, you don't get to be the injured party here. Not this time."
My eyes snap open. He looks so genuinely put out and hurt that I don't know what to say. But I won't apologize now, that's for damn sure.
"Well, too bad, because I am injured. And you don't get to tell me how to feel." I take a step closer, my fists balling at my sides. "And right now, you're making it really fucking hard not to hate you."
He rocks back on his heels. Silence wells up between us like a living, dark thing. When he finally speaks, his voice is low and unsteady.
"You have always pushed me to express myself. This is me expressing myself. I can concede that I need to let myself live more in the moment and enjoy life. But you, Sophie Darling, need to grow the hell up and take responsibility when things go into the shitter. And if you cannot do that, you don't belong on this tour."
I hear him. I know he's right about this. But his ugly conclusions and the way he jumped to them loom large as well.
Licking my dry lips, I make my voice as calm as I can manage. "Right now, the tour and whether I should be on it are the least of my worries."
He frowns, tilting his head as if he can't understand me. Part of me wants to laugh, only I know I'll end up crying. Maybe we are too different, our priorities too far apart.
A knock on the suite door has us both flinching. Gabriel turns toward it, his mouth pinched, weariness lining his face. In this light, he's almost haggard. He runs a hand over his eyes.
"That's Jules. She's here to give me an update-"
"I'll leave you to it." On wooden limbs, I head to the bedroom.
He doesn't try to stop me.
And I don't cry once I close the door behind me. I pack.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Gabriel
"Report?" I ask from one of suite's dining room chairs. My head is too heavy to hold itself up, so I rest it in the cradle of my hands.
"The girl you caught on the elevator is Jennifer Miller. She's a roadie, working in lighting." Jules's voice is hesitant and soft.
Regrettable, but apparently I'm quite good at cowing women. A lance of pain drives through my heart. I clear my throat, having trouble finding my voice.
"Go on."
Jules takes a breath that sounds more like a sigh. "According to her statement, she'd been wanting to hook up with Jax. When she saw him having trouble getting to the elevator, she offered to help."
Well, give the girl points for being an opportunist. I shouldn't care, but I'm so bloody bitter at the moment, it's all I can do not to sneer.
"And that cockwank? How did he get in?"
From between my fingers, I see Jules's lip quirk in a smile before she presses down on them. "He, ah, approached them at the elevator. Told Jennifer he was an old friend of … " Jules coughs, her eyes darting away.
"Of Sophie's?" I offer. Goddamn it, it hurts to say her name. I don't know how I manage to utter it without inflection.
Sophie. She retreated to our bedroom after I ripped into her worse than anyone I've ever had a go at. She went with quiet dignity, and I felt small and full of regret. I don't even remember the last person I cared about with whom I've truly lost my temper. There's a reason for that. I cut people open with my words, as surely as a surgeon with a scalpel.
That fucktrumpet Martin, however … My hands curl into fists. It's all I can do not to hunt the tit down and bash his fucking gob in. A shudder works through me. I'm regressing back to my feral youth, when I was a few steps away from becoming a chavvy thug.
Jules watches me with weary eyes.
I force what I hope is a bland expression. "Well?"
"Yes, that's what he said. And he offered to give them a hand. Jax let them both up."
My hand is cold and clammy as I rub it over my face. "What happened in the room?"
"Ah, Jennifer says she started … ah, making out with Jax. He didn't appear to mind."
Which means he was so out of it, he let the twit do what she wanted. I wave a hand, encouraging Jules to speed things up. I can hardly stomach sitting here, listening to this. I want to pace. I want to hunt down Sophie and crawl into bed with her, beg her to forgive me for shouting.
No, I cannot be a complete doormat. She was in the wrong too. She lied, refused to explain, and held my exacting nature over my head. We'll never go forward on equal ground if I'm the only one to admit my failings.
It's not like you gave her much of a chance to explain, mate.
It's not as though she tried to explain.
Sod it all, I'm arguing with myself now.
Jules is talking, and I force myself to focus.