It struck him with a force that frightened him.
"I—I'm not sure," he said.
But she was absolutely certain.
"Look, Bob, I know you inside out. You didn't want it, you didn't plan it, but since you have it, you feel responsible."
He was afraid to ask himself if she was right.
"I don't know," he said.
"Bob, for heaven's sake, be honest with yourself. It's something that we simply have to face."
Clutching at straws, he interpreted her "we" as a
sign that she had not totally sunendered hope for them.
''Well?'' She was waiting for an answer.
At last he mustered the courage to confront his feelings and admitted:
'Teah. I do. I can't explain it, but I feel I should do something."
"You owe him nothing, actually. You know that, don't you?''
Yes, of course he knew ... objectively.
"He's all alone," said Bob, relieved that he could now confess his thoughts. "Maybe I could help to straighten out his life. Find some alternative to—you know, sending him away."
You're not his parent just because you screwed his mother. Sheila shouted to herself, but did not say anything.
"How exactly do you think you'd help?" she asked him.
"I don't know. But maybe if I flew there . . ."
"To do what? Do you know anyone who'd take him in? Do you even have a plan?"
"No, Sheila. No, I don't."
"Then what's the point of flying over?"
He could not defend his impulse. He could barely fathom it.
And then she staggered him.
"I guess there's only one solution, Robert. Bring "him here."
He stared at her in disbelief.
"Do you know what you're saying?''
She nodded yes.
"Isn't that really why you told me?"
He wasn't sure, but he suspected she was right. Again.
"Could you bear it?"
She smiled sadly.
"I have to, Bob. It isn't generosity—ifs self-defense. If I don't let you try to help him now, you'll someday blame me for allowing your—your child to be put in an orphanage."
"I wouldn't...."
*Tes, you would. So do it, Bob, before I change my mind."
He looked at her. All he could manage as an answer was:
''Thank you, Sheila."
And so he let his lovely wife ignore the outrage and the imposition of it all as they discussed the visit of his son from France. The boy could join them when they moved down to the Cape.
''But just a month," she said. "Not one day more. That should give this Louis person ample time to make some permanent arrangement."
He looked at her.
"Do you realize what you're saying?"
"Yes."
He still could not believe it.
"What would we tell the girls?"
"We'll manufacture something."
God, how could she be so generous?
"You're incredible," he said.
She shook her head.
"No, Robert. I'm just thirty-nine years old."
1 WO WEEKS LATER, HE WAS PACING BACK AND FORTH
in the corridor of the International Arrivals Building at Logan Airport.
In the strained and anxious days before, there had been many conversations with Louis Venargues. To make arrangements, establish the parameters for the boy's brief visit to America. A month, not one day more. And Louis would have to use this grace period to find some alternative to a state orphanage.
Louis had to tell Jean-Claude that he had been invited by old friends of his mother's. The idea was not totally implausible, since Nicole would surely have spoken to him about her year of residency in Boston.
But under no circumstances could Louis tell the boy that Robert Beckwith was his father.
''Of course, Bobbie. Anything you say. I know this is not easy for you. I understand."
Do you? Bob wondered.
Then there was the not inconsiderable matter of telling the girls. After much agonizing, Bob convoked a family meeting.
''A friend of ours has died,'' he said.
25
26 Erich Segal
"Who?" asked Paula apprehensively. ^*Is it Grandma?''
''No/' said Bob. "It's nobody you've met. Someone in France. A lady."
"A French lady?" Paula asked again,
"Yes/'Bob replied.
Then Jessie said, "How come you're telling us if we don't know her?"
'She had a son .. /' Bob answered.
'How old?" Jessie quickly asked.
'Uh—roughly Paula's age/'
'Oh wow/' said Paula.
Jessica looked stilettos at her younger sister, and then turned to Bob. "And?" she inquired further.
"And he's an orphan/' Sheila added with an emphasis that only Bob appreciated.
"Oh gee/' said Paula sympathetically.
"That's why—" said Bob, "since he's alone— we'd like to ask him over for a while. Maybe a month. When we're in the big house at the Cape. That is, if neither of you minds."