“Guess we’ll have to wait,” she said, picking him up.
“Being a father is hard,” I said.
“You’re always hard,” she said back, smiling. “You’ll be okay.
“Hey,” I said. “Come back here.”
She crouched back down, looking at me.
“I love you,” I said, and I meant it.
“I love you too,” she whispered.
I kissed her, pulling her and Alexei against me. She was laughing and smiling and I thought she might be crying, but I couldn’t be sure, because all I could see was my beautiful baby’s mother, the only light in my fucking life.
I pulled back and kissed Alexei’s head. “I love you too, little man,” I said.
She laughed, smiling.
And I felt okay.
Despite the fucking wound on my leg, I felt good. I felt right. I could be a father. I could be more than that with Kaley.
Maybe it took me a while to figure it out. Maybe I had some work to fucking do to get there.
But I was in love with her, and I wanted to raise my son the right way. He didn’t deserve to grow up without a daddy, and I was going to be that man for him.
I had never expected this.
But now that it was here, I could never imagine anything else.
37
Kaley
Five Months Later
“What are you doing?” he said. “Get down from there.”
I laughed at him. “I can change a light bulb.”
“What if you fell, in your state?”
I laughed again, shaking my head. “I’m not feeble, you know.”
But I let him take my hips and guide me down the ladder. He kissed my head. “Stay. I got it.”
I gave him the bulb with a smile and watched him climb up. It was annoying that the fixtures were so high up in our room, but I couldn’t complain. Living in the Barone compound had its perks.
Such as the handsome man who took care of me, Vincent Mori. I never expected he’d turn out to be so caring, but there he was, changing a bulb for me.
“Done,” he said, climbing back down.
“Bravo.”
In the other room, Alexei began to cry.
“I got it,” he said, quickly walking off.
I laughed, following him. “You don’t have to do everything, you know.”
“I do when you’re like this,” he said.
“I’m pregnant; I’m not dead.”
He shrugged, holding Alexei. My little boy had grown up so much over the past five months that it was absolutely amazing.
“I hope you’re having a girl,” Vince said.
“Why?”
“Because this guy is going to be a hard one. I can already tell.”
I laughed. “What makes you think that?”
“Look,” he said, pointing. Alexei was crying because he had smashed one of his toys to pieces.
I laughed, shaking my head. “And you think a sister will help?”
“Girl might soften him a bit.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I said, shaking my head.
It had been months since Vincent had rescued me from my family and brought me back to the compound. We’d moved in together on that day and begun our life together.
And it was incredible. Every day with Vince was better than the next. The war raged on, but it wasn’t about me anymore; I knew that. It was about the complicated politics of Chicago’s gangs, and one girl and her baby couldn’t really do much about that.
So I trusted Vince, and I loved him.
And my life was one wild ride after the next. We took care of Alexei, and when Alexei went to sleep, Vince made my body feel things I thought I’d forgotten. Fortunately Alexei was turning out to be a heavy sleeper, because I couldn’t exactly stay quiet.
And Vince was turning out to be an amazing father. He’d had a lot to learn at first, but he wanted to figure it out and wanted to be there. The biggest part of being a father was just showing up, and Vince did that.
Sure, he still went out with his crew. He still did dangerous things, but I asked him not to tell me the details anymore. I didn’t want to know which of my family members he had killed recently or how close he had come to getting another bullet in him.
I just wanted to be with him. And one day, when he’d stopped using condoms and I’d realized that I didn’t mind, I knew we’d be together forever. Maybe we weren’t married yet, but we were an unconventional couple.
And besides, he kept telling me that a ring was coming. He felt bad that he hadn’t made an honest woman out of me yet.
I didn’t mind. I was just happy I had another of his babies coming. That was better than a wedding or a marriage. It was more real, more binding.
He’d always be mine, and I’d always be his.
Slowly, Alexei stopped crying.
“Now, you be good,” Vince said, putting him back down to play.