Man of My Dreams(85)

“If it brings you back to me, I’ll sing anything, baby.” Declan chuckles behind a nervous grin.

If Noah weren’t part of the picture this would be a no-brainer. But it’s obviously not that simple. How can I break his heart? It comes down to a painful choice and either way someone is going to get hurt and a part of me will feel empty forever. I know what I have to do, I just can’t bring myself to do it.

If I pick Declan, Noah will be crushed. I’ll never really know what we could’ve had because I didn’t give it a shot. Noah is an amazing man, with so much to offer. He makes me feel alive again and he makes me wonder about why things happen the way they do. But as excruciating as it is to face the truth, the truth is that Noah and I never really had a chance because my heart belongs to someone else.

I look up at Declan, the one and only man of my dreams, and the answers to all of my questions are written across his face. He loves me, he needs me, and he wants me. We’ve been through the worst and he still sees me as his one and only…we’ll have the rest of our lives to make it work. But right now, I need a few more moments of time to devote to Noah. He deserves an explanation. “Dec, let Grace take a look at your nose. I have to talk to Noah.”

Declan gnaws on his puffy lip, contemplating. “You’ll come right back?”

“Yes, baby. I’m coming back.” I hope he understands the weight that phrase carries with it.

I turn my back on my husband, knowing this will be the last time I ever do that. Walking closer to Noah, my heart takes up a slow-motion sort of beat. My mouth becomes dry and my hands start to shake. This is so much harder than it seems. Yes, I love Declan, but there is nothing not to love about Noah too. He deserves someone who can give everything to him, and I’m not that someone.

“Hey,” he says, with a thickened voice, starting down at his feet.

“Hey,” I say, lifting his chin up with my index finger. “I’m sorry, Noah. I never wanted to…”

He lifts a brawny hand up to my lips, “Shh. You don’t have to explain. I understand. But I just want to know one thing.”

I nod, agreeing to answer his unspoken question.

“Were you happy? Was it real or was it all a distraction from what was really going on inside your head?”

His question hurts. I hate for him to think of it that way because when I was with him it was real, genuine. My heart was tethered to another man, but it was starting to sway a different way with every new day with Noah. The problem, though—I realized tonight that it would never have been totally free to belong to someone else.

Removing Noah’s hands from my face, I step back, realizing this will be the last time we’ll ever touch. There’s a pang of disappointment, but also a wave of relief that comes along with it. “You made me very happy, Noah. I’ll have nothing but wonderful memories of our time together, past and present. But…” But what? I can’t even form the words. It’s just too harsh. He deserves better.

“I know, Mia. This is goodbye. It’s okay, don’t beat yourself up about it. I wish things could’ve been different…I should have snatched you up in high school, made you my girl then. I would have never let go.” He licks his lips and breathes in a slow, measured breath through his nose. “But if he makes the mistake of letting you go again, you better come find me.”

I can’t make that promise to him. It would be like giving false hope or, worse, admitting that my marriage might not work after all. Instead, I just smile, leaning in to kiss Noah on his bruised cheek. “Goodbye, Noah.” I hate that I have to say goodbye because what I’ll miss most about him is our friendship.

“Goodbye, beautiful.” He shares a quick glance with Declan before walking away. It’s a look of warning, congratulations, and regret all rolled into one.

Declan lets it slide, walking back to me.

“I’ll go get the car,” Grace says, heading for the parking lot.

When we’re alone again, encased by the muted glow of the street lamps and the muffled thumping of the music from inside the bar, I’m reminded of that night. The first night at the Alibi. Our first date, our first kiss. The beginning of this beautiful story.

“Can we go home now? Start the rest of our forever?” His words are so simple but so beautiful. Makes me wish he would write them down, put them to music, and do what he knows how to do best.

“Forever can start after the hospital.” I wiggle out of his shielding embrace to inspect his face. The remaining blood has dried and darkened. His nose, once straight and perfect, now swollen and discolored. He’s still goddamn breathtaking though, just with a little character now.