Man of My Dreams(34)

I don’t know how to register this. The heart’s been through too much trauma. If that weren’t the term to define this year, I don’t know what is. My own heart felt like it had been ripped out and stomped on before today and now, there isn’t much more left of it.

Declan walks to the nurse’s station with our daughters. I see one of the younger, friendlier nurses bend down to their level and take Cara’s hand. She carries a bag of crayons to the seating area a few feet away.

He makes his way back over to me and my mother and brings me in for a hug.

I know he means well and if the circumstances were different this hug would make me feel protected, a reminder that I am not alone. But from what the doctor just told us, my father is going to have a long recovery and Declan will be in Hong Kong for most of it. In this moment, surrounded by almost all of the faces I love most, I have never felt more alone in my life.





“I have three papers due at the end of the week, Dec. Stop distracting me.” I try to push his roaming hands off my body, even though I really don’t want to.

“Come on, babe. You’ve been at it all day. You deserve a little break.” His lips are in that spot, just below my ear, nibbling my jaw line. The weak spot. The one that always makes me cave.

But not today.

I roll my eyes back, enjoying where this could go, but quickly snap back when my fingers graze the pages of the reference book I should be memorizing. “No!” I put my hand up against his beautiful face, squishing his nose and shoving him away.

“Damn it, Mia. Fine! Do the studious thing, but I need a breather. I’m going to the Burger Hut to grab a bite, I’ll bring something back.”

“Don’t forget the strawberry shake!”

He leans down to kiss me goodbye as I highlight a pertinent piece of information from my notes. He starts to walk out of my dorm room and the phone rings.

I look up from the mess and stop Declan at the door, “Babe, please get that for me?”

Without hesitation, he does me the favor and picks the phone up off the receiver. “Hello?”

I watch his eyes brighten and his mouth curl in to a smile at the sound of the person on the other end. “Oh hey, Mr. P. How’s it going? Yup, she’s knee deep in research. I’m actually running out to grab her some fuel. Want her?”

I lift my head from the books, huffing and throwing my arm out in the direction of the phone.

“Okay, Mr. P. No problem.” Declan walks over to me with the receiver and places it in my hand. Then he sits on the edge of the bed.

“I thought you were going.”

“Your dad asked me to wait.” He looks as confused as I feel, but he nudges me along, “Go ahead. Talk to him.”

“Hi, Daddy. What’s up?”

This whole thing is odd. I spoke to my dad yesterday and told him how much school work I had to get done in the next few days. He would never interrupt my studying. Something’s up and I’m starting to get nervous.

“I don’t want to alarm you and I hate to do this over the phone, but...”

Declan must sense the fear in my eyes, he reaches over and squeezes my knee.

“But what, Dad? Something’s wrong. What is it?”

“Mom got some results back today from her mammogram. They found something—a lump. It could be nothing, it could be something. We won’t know until after the biopsy report comes in.” My dad sounds so calm, as if he’s rehearsed this. His voice doesn’t tremble or crack as if he isn’t telling me what I’m thinking.

Nothing is great, but something? As in cancer. Oh my god, I’m going to be sick. I throw the phone onto the bed, unable to listen to the rest. “Declan, take the phone. Talk to him. I...I can’t.”

I pace my room, crying, fanning myself, gulping down the nausea that wants to take over me, as I watch Declan jot down information from my father. Thank you for being here, baby. Thank you for not walking out one second before that phone rang. I wouldn’t be able to compose myself to make any sense out of the instructions my father’s giving out.

Declan hangs up the phone and walks over to me on the other side of the room. “Mia, calm down. I’m here and we don’t have any reason to freak out just yet. We need to cool down and figure out what we do next.”

I love how he keeps saying ‘we.’ It’s so comforting to know I’m not in this alone. So I use the same word when I make my next demand. “We need to leave. We have to go home. We have to be with her.”

Declan shakes his head, slapping his hands down on his thighs. “So much for calm, Mia. Listen to me. There is no rush. Your father told me the biopsy results won’t be in for another few days. We both have papers and assignments due, we can’t just...”