Man of My Dreams(24)
“Mia, our marriage isn’t over. See...this is why we need to talk. Please let me explain. I can’t lose you. I need you to understand.”
“Why would I want to subject myself to listening to the tale of how you fucked some floozy after lying to me and your daughters about having to work. God, Declan, I’m not sure I can believe anything that comes out of your mouth. How can I ever...”
“I didn’t sleep with her, Mia.” He lets out a lungful of air, as if he were suppressing his breath since I first opened the door.
I stare at him in disbelief. Is this the truth? Or more lies? My demeanor softens, slightly. “Declan, how can I even believe that?”
“Let me in and I’ll explain. Everything. Please. You’re basing this entire thing on half-truths. You deserve to know everything before you make your final decision.”
I can’t ignore the regret in his eyes. At further inspection of his usually flawless face, it seems weathered, worn, full of grief and misery. Good! I hope the bastard hasn’t slept a wink since his Christmas party. But I can’t deny the fact that I am painfully curious to know if he’s telling the truth.
“Fine. Come in.”
Without really knowing why, we wind up in the kitchen. I take a seat at the table. He stands at the counter, leafing through the mail that’s been sitting there unopened.
“Don’t make yourself so comfortable. And I’ve been making sure the bills get paid. I can get by without you. I’m not as dependant as you may think.”
He chucks the pile of mail to the side and walks over to join me at the table. “I think you have this all turned around. I never once looked at you as dependent on me. It’s me who needs you. I haven’t been able to breathe these last few weeks. I miss you, Mia. I need you. I love you.” He reaches across the table, trying to touch my hand, but I retract, putting them under the table and out of his reach. I’m not ready to let him touch me and I’m still so very angry.
“Isn’t it funny how these things work themselves out? A few weeks ago I felt like a worthless, unappreciated housewife with no purpose other than to raise my kids. This time apart has shown me that I can do...this...without you. I was always so afraid of being stripped of an identity without you, but other than the anger and hurt...the house is still standing, the kids are still perfect, and I’m still alive.” Barely. I know this is a lie, but I hope that stings as much as I meant it to.
“You’re a strong woman, Mia. I never doubted that, but you’re talking about the end when it doesn’t have to be. I’m telling you it’s not how it seems. And if I have to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, I will.” The look of desperation on his beautiful face almost makes me cave. Almost.
“Then explain, Declan.” Since he spit out the words that he didn’t sleep with her, whoever this her is, I’ve been working up the nerve to listen to what he has to say. I owe it to no one but myself to hear his explanation.
“Thursday night—the last night of the business trip—we were working late, never even had a decent break for dinner. A few of the guys decided to go back to their rooms to take showers, or rest their eyes before jumping into the next round of brainstorming. Instead of going back to my room, I went down to the bar for a drink. This woman was there, alone and she—before I say anything else, let me preface it for you. Not because I want sympathy, but you need to understand everything. I should have come to you as soon as I felt disconnected, but I kept thinking I was making things up in my head. I don’t know when exactly it started, but things between me and you felt...different, strained.”
I want to jump up and stop him right there. I blink my eyes, in disbelief. My fists squeeze into tiny balls of fury. I take deep breaths in and out, unable to control the way my body wants to react to the unexpected news that Declan’s been feeling disconnected from me. But instead of interrupting—hell, I have no intelligible words to even interrupt with right now—I let him go on.
“It’s no excuse. I know that, and I don’t know what I thought I would get out of some insignificant nobody at a hotel bar, but she was there and I was...”
Okay, now I’ve heard enough. “You were what, Declan? Horny? Stressed? A fucking asshole? This is pure bullshit. I have never given you a reason to think I was uninterested or...strained? Really? I’ve spent the last seven years of my life completely devoted to you. When I met you I was okay with being single and playing the field for a long time. I never wanted marriage and kids straight out of college. It wasn’t the road I was headed on, but you came along and things changed. And I went with it, because you loved me and I loved you and it was all I needed. But obviously, my love for you isn’t enough. I can’t stand to hear you tell me that I wasn’t attentive, or that I gave you a reason to stray. This is your own fucked up problem! I will not sit here and let you put the blame on me!” I’m furious now. How dare he?