“How’s everything going with the baby?” I ask. “It’s all fine?”
I regret it as soon as the words leave my mouth. What a silly question. Just because it is so obvious. I may as well wear a sign saying that I have something else on my mind.
“Yeah, it’s all good. Is everything all right?” She frowns at me. “You seem nervous.”
Of course, she has noticed that I’m not myself. I’m not exactly subtle.
“What? Yeah, why would I not be?”
“Well, first of all you keep on repeating yourself. You’ve asked me five times how I’m feeling. You’re also fidgeting. Now come on, tell me. What’s going on?”
I let out a deep sigh. It’s time.
“Carrie, you know how great these past few months have been for me, don’t you?”
“Of course, they’ve been great for me, too.” She smiles at me, and I feel my heart skip.
“One thing that we’ve never really spoken about is my past. I’m not exactly a girlfriend type of guy. In fact, I never even thought I would have a serious partner, and I never thought I would want one. But you have changed that. The last time I had a serious relationship was high school. Back then, I wanted a girlfriend, and back then, I was glad I had one.”
“Blake,” Carrie interrupts me. “Please don’t.”
“Please, Carrie, let me finish this,” I say. I’m not looking at her. If I were, I might see the tears starting to form in her eyes. “She broke my heart. After her, I never thought I would feel real feelings for another girl. But then you came along. Carrie, what I’m trying to say is—”
“Blake. Take me home. Please!”
I look up at Carrie, and my face drops. She is in tears. Literal, flowing tears. For how long or why, I have no idea.
“Carrie, what’s wrong?”
“I just want to go home.” She stands up and walks from the restaurant, leaving me where I am.
I stay seated for a moment, trying to think of what I have done. The last time Carrie acted like this was on the beach. It suddenly hits me. That night, I was talking about Lyndsey, too. That night, I was telling her about my past, and she acted the exact same way. Only after that, we didn’t speak for a week.
Is she mad that I have an ex? Is she mad that I’m talking about her?
I stand up and hurry from the restaurant. I can see Carrie standing by the car, waiting. As I reach the car, she refuses to look at me. I want to ask her what is wrong, but I don’t know if I should. I hate seeing her upset. It tears me up inside. But more than that, I hate being the cause of it.
I start up the car and begin the drive home. Carrie still refuses to look at me. I decide that I am going to ask her.
Chapter 44
CARRIE
I sit in the car in silence, looking out the window as Blake drives us home. When the car stops in front of the house, I am out the door before Blake even undoes his seatbelt. I really don’t want to talk to him, but I know he is going to want to talk to me.
The night was going so well, too. Everything was perfect. The food was amazing, the restaurant was to die for, and Blake was being so sweet. But then, for some reason he brought up Lyndsey. Again. Why does he keep bringing her up? I don’t want to act this way. I don’t want to be mad or upset at him. But when I hear him talk about her, I break down.
I storm into the bedroom, I quickly take off my clothes and put on my pajamas. I hear Blake’s footsteps coming up the hallway, and I hurry to the bed. If I climb in and close my eyes before he sees me, then maybe he won’t try to talk about what just happened.
With any luck.
I am wrapped up under the blankets when he enters. He pauses at the door, and I keep my eyes closed tight. I can feel him watching me, deciding what he should do.
“Carrie, is everything okay?” I don’t respond. “Carrie?” I stay silent.
I think for a moment that it has worked and that he has left. But the covers suddenly fly off me. I open my eyes, and he’s standing over me. He doesn’t look angry, but concerned. Worried even. My heart aches. I hate making him upset. Especially over something that he has no control.
“Carrie, seriously. We need to talk. Are you okay? Please, let me know that at least.”
I sigh, sitting up. “I’m fine.” It’s weak and mumbled. I don’t look him.
“No, you’re not,” he says. He sits on the bed by my side and reaches out, rubbing my knee. “Seriously, I’m worried, Carrie. Can you please tell me what is wrong?”
It’s not just about what he said, bringing up Lyndsey. As much as that hurts, the real reason I don’t want to talk about it is when I do, I will have to admit something that I have been hiding for a while now. That I love Blake.