I stand up from the edge of my bed, and I make my way through the hotel room to the front door. I am going to see her instead. Face to face. I just hope that by now, she has cooled off.
***
Today, her apartment looks even more run down. I’ve been sitting in the car, watching it for the last five minutes. By my side, I have a bouquet of flowers, coffee and donuts.
I was going to get her chocolate cake, but I thought that might have been a little too obvious. A little too manipulative. Instead, I have settled for a different treat. Really, I am just trying to ensure that she is in a good mood.
Taking a deep breath, I reach for the door handle, pop it open and climb from the car. The walk to her front door feels like it takes forever. It’s only a short walk, but with every step, I remember that look on her face, and I shake my head as if trying to dislodge the memory.
Reaching the door, I knock twice. Two hard and firm knocks. I can hear movement from inside. I brace myself as the door opens.
“Oh, hey,” Carrie says with a half-smile.
“Hey,” I respond. “I brought you these.” I hold out the flowers, coffee and donuts.
“Wow, thanks. You didn’t have to.” Her voice isn’t as cold as it was the other night, but it isn’t as warm as it used to be, either. There is definitely some tension here. I can feel it.
“I wanted to,” I assure her. “May I come in?”
“Oh, right.” She shakes her head and steps to the side. I walk into the apartment, feeling slightly better about the situation.
“So, today is the day,” I say as I make my way to the kitchen. Reaching it, I put the coffee and donuts down on the counter and begin to search through the cabinets for a vase. “Do you have anything for the flowers?”
“I doubt it,” she calls to me. She’s in the bed area, doing God knows what. Usually, I wouldn’t give it a second thought, but today, it feels like she is avoiding me on purpose.
“Well, I’ll have to buy you a vase, too,” I say with a smile.
She isn’t looking at me and, therefore, does not see it.
“You really don’t have to do that. But hey, I’m surprised that you remembered today.”
She walks from her bed to the kitchen area. She scoops up the coffee, which she takes a long, satisfied sip from.
“Really?” I ask with a frown. “How could I forget? It’s a pretty big deal. You haven’t, you know. You haven’t tried yet have you?”
“You actually got here just in time,” she says, offering me a weak smile. “I was going to. I wasn’t sure if you were coming around, and we haven’t spoken, so…”
The tension in the room mounts as she makes the first reference to the other night on the beach. I feel as if she wants to talk about it. And I do too. Well, kind of. I want to know why she got so angry, but I’m also afraid I won’t like the answer. So instead, I deflect.
“And it isn’t too early?” I ask. “The test will be accurate?”
“According to the packet,” she says, and she looks relieved at my change in the topic. “I mean, you’re the one who bought them, but the packet says it’s ninety-six percent accurate, six days before a missed period. Well, yeah, it should work.”
“Good,” I say, nodding my head to myself. “So, shall we? I mean, shall you?”
“Sure,” she says, smiling awkwardly. She turns and heads to the bathroom.
When she does, I stumble to the couch and fall into it. I can’t believe how awkward this is now. Up until the previous week, the two of us were getting along so great. The idea of having a baby together seemed the most natural thing in the world.
Now, it feels as if I am doing it with a total stranger. I just hope that once she takes the test, and if it is positive, we can move on and forget that the whole thing ever happened. I just want it to be like it was before.
But there is nothing I can do now. I sit on the couch, and I stare at the closed bathroom door. I hold my breath and wait.
Chapter 34
CARRIE
The bathroom has a cold, isolating feel to it. I walk to the toilet and pull the test from its box. As I do, the four walls seem to close in around me. The seriousness of the situation and everything that I have been doing the past few weeks is suddenly beginning to feel very real. But oddly enough, it’s still better than being out in that room with Blake.
The worst thing is that it isn’t even his fault. Not really. I mean, yes, what he did to Lyndsey was his fault. The way she told me about it, how he dumped her without a second thought. He didn’t care.
Before I met Blake, I had a totally different picture in my head of what he would look like. And what he would be like. So now that I know who he really is, my emotions are conflicted.