Usually, this would be fine, if only Carrie and I had spoken about it. But as we haven’t. Well, not about how serious we are becoming anyway. Today will either make or break us.
And there’s also the fact that I haven’t told anyone that we are trying for a baby.
The two of us are silent as I navigate the Aston Martin along the freeway to where Ben lives. It’s only a short drive, but it feels like it has been hours.
“Just so you know,” I say, in an attempt to break the silence. “As soon as you want to leave, all you have to do is tell me. If you’re bored, or not having a good time or whatever.”
“Why would I not have a good time?” She asks, raising an eyebrow at me.
“No reason. But just in case, you know?”
“Don’t worry,” She smiles and reached across to take my hand. “I am sure that today will be fine. They’re your friends, and you like them. So, I assume that I’ll like them just as much.”
I take my eyes off the road and glance at her, smiling as I do. I can’t even put into words how much I appreciate her in this moment. It’s as if she can read my mind and knows what I am thinking. Maybe today won’t be so bad after all?
***
“There he is! I was about to send out a search party!” Ben calls out from across the yard the moment that we enter.
Ben is now a full-on suburban dad. He lives in a modern, single-story home, complete with a wooden picket fence, a spacious backyard and a happy family. The barbecue features roughly twenty people, only half of whom I recognize.
I get the sense that most of the men are fathers, just like Ben, and that’s how he knows them. Ever since Ben became a father, I have noticed the two of us drifting apart. That’s just the way things go sometimes.
“We were going to skip it and go to the beach instead, but I figured that we should at least make a brief appearance,” I call back as I cross the yard to him.
“Honestly, I think that would have been the better option. Jake just burnt the meat, and my youngest has Janet trapped inside the house. He’s going through that ‘no’ phase and is being a bit of a pest, if I’m being honest.”
He reaches me and pulls me into a hug.
“And for the life of me, I just can’t imagine why I’m not a father yet,” I joke.
“Who would have your baby? Oh, hello!” Ben beams as he spots Carrie trailing behind me. “You must be Carrie, who I have heard, well, probably a normal amount about. Not too much, not too little.”
“That’s funny, Blake hasn’t mentioned you at all,” Carrie shoots back.
Ben erupts into a fit of laughter, and I feel the tension melt away.
“Damn, she has an acid tongue this one,” he says, slapping me on the back. “I like her already.”
“Uncle Blake!” I hear the call coming from across the yard, nearer the house. I turn to it, smiling the moment I spot its source. It’s Simon, Ben’s son.
“Simon Says!” I yell back. “I’ll be one moment,” I whisper in Carrie’s ear as I turn and charge toward Simon. The moment I reach him, he throws open his arms and I scoop him into the air, holding him there.
“Put me down!” he wails.
“Why would I do that?” I ask, holding him by his waist.
He still has a bandage on his head from his accident. I’m careful not to touch it. I love Simon as much as I have anyone. He and his brother are the closest things I have to children and are a large reason behind my desire to have one of my own.
“Because I’ll tell Dad!” Simon giggles and screams.
“Do it. I think he’ll tell me to keep going.” I throw him in the air, catching him by the waist and planting him back on the ground. As soon as his feet hit the ground, he wraps his arms around my leg and pulls me into a tight hug.
“I didn’t know you were coming,” he says excitedly.
“For you, I would cross the world,” I say, and I ruffle his hair. “Did your father not tell you?”
I look back across the yard and see that Ben and Carrie are still talking. Carrie is laughing, and Ben clearly loves the effect he is having on her.
Despite how light-hearted their conversation looks, I still feel my stomach drop as I watch them. I know what Ben is like, and he is likely to mention something embarrassing. As he knows how I feel about Carrie, that something is likely to be in the vein of how much I like her.
That wouldn’t be a bad thing, if Carrie and I had had that conversation yet. But we haven’t, and I don’t want the first time being in Ben’s backyard in front of his friends.
“I’ll be right back,” I say to Simon, and I ruffle his hair again. I then turn and hurry back across the yard to Ben and Carrie.