No, she didn't want to do that either. She was done running. Yes, life was unfair. Yes, loving hurt, but she was not going to let the ugly way she and Dominic ended negate the good that had come out of the week.
She wouldn't leave Lil now, not when she had just discovered how to repair their relationship. Lil deserved the kind of sister Zhang would be, the supportive, non-judgmental kind who offered to kill first and asked questions later. Well, maybe not kill, Abby qualified with a tearful laugh, but her lecturing days were over. Zhang had shown her the power of unconditional support and it had changed the way she would love in the future.
When the pain of losing Dominic eventually subsided, Abby knew that she'd be better for having known him. She couldn't hate him for not really loving her. He'd warned her time and time again not to read into their time together. He couldn't have been clearer. Not once had he tried to wrap up their affair as anything but two mutually consenting adults giving into their strong sexual attraction to each other.
No woman in her right mind would allow herself to fall in love with a man like Dominic, especially since they had known each other for less than a week. My God, Abby thought, had it really been that short of a time? Einstein was right, time was relative. She'd packed a lifetime of transformation in those few short days.
His spontaneous declaration of love had been painful to hear, but might one day give her some comfort when she looked back at this time together. Even though she couldn't be the undemanding, willing to be kept separate from his life, woman he wanted—he probably did love her in his own way. It was simply that their definitions of love were irreconcilable.
Wrapped up in her own thoughts, she didn't hear the door reopen. She was unaware of his presence until she felt the mattress shift beneath his weight as he sat down beside her.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you're infuriatingly stubborn?" he asked in a voice she was sure had cowered many before her.
As usual, it did little to impress her. Just more hot air coming out of his big, fat head.
The material of the pillow muffled her rebuttal. "Anyone ever tell you that you are a jackass?"
"Turn around, Abby and listen to me," he ordered and put a hand on one of her shoulders.
"No," she said and shook his hand off. Looking would be bad. Looking would lead to wanting. Wanting would lead to forgetting why it was important to end it now. No looking.
"I am not going to talk to the back of your head," he said with some irritation.
"No one is asking you to." She refused to budge. Leave, she begged silently. Just leave while I'm still strong enough to let you go.
"Dammit, woman, I'm trying to apologize to you," he practically growled in a frustrated tone.
An apology? Abby sniffed. Now, that she had to hear. She turned onto her side and wiped a stray tear from her cheek. "Really? Well, go ahead," she dared.
His expression was tight with emotion. Eyes dark as coal seared through her bravado and, had she been standing, would have weakened her knees with their intensity. She shouldn't have looked. His need for her wrung a much unwelcome answering need from her. She was still angry with him. This was not the time to be imagining how quickly her nipples would pucker beneath his hot tongue.
Fighting his own internal battle, he said, almost defiantly, "I'm sorry."
She was still angry, but now more at herself than him. She was never going to convince either one of them to turn the plane around if she didn't fight her reaction to him. And, no matter how good another session of lovemaking would be, it wouldn't change how miserable they would eventually make each other. She had to remember that. She'd have to be strong for both of them. Anger was a good shield. "You don't sound sorry."
His shoulders slumped ever so slightly. When he spoke again, his voice as husky with emotion. "I am not good at this, but I am sorry."
"For what?" Abby asked and fought to contain the tsunami of questions surging within her. She needed to know exactly what he regretted. Bringing her with him in the first place? His earlier harsh words? Or, the worst possibility of all, was he apologizing for falsely claiming to love her?
"For everything you accused me of doing, of being. You were right about it all." Her heart broke at his declaration until he clarified. "Except, that last part about not really loving you. I may not be good husband material. Hell, I'm not even that nice of person, but I do love you."
Joy surged and ebbed just as quickly. The apology, however touching, hadn't changed anything. It was as she'd suspected. In his own way, on his own terms, he did love her. But what would that love look like once the heat of the moment had passed? Even he knew he wasn't cut out for marriage. "What are you saying, Domnic?" she asked wearily.