“I wasn’t pressuring him at all. We hadn’t even talked about marriage yet. We don’t live together.”
“That’s my point though. Does Jason have a lot of friends who are either married or engaged?”
“His best friend got married a month ago and their other friend from college just got engaged.”
He nodded. “I don’t know Jason and I don’t mean to put ideas in your head that aren’t fact… so take this with a grain of salt, okay?” I nodded and he went on, “That’s probably where the pressure came from… not you, Vicki.” I liked the way he said, “Vicki.”
“You think he’s afraid I’ll expect him to marry me?”
“Well, after a year of dating at your age, that’s the logical next step, isn’t it? Do you want children?”
“Someday, yes.”
“Does Jason know that?”
“Yes of course… he’s not that thrilled about the idea of being a father. Neither of us had the best examples growing up. I think he’s always been a little concerned that we’ll mess it up too.”
Alexander surprised me then. He reached over and picked up a piece of my hair that had fallen out of my bun and tucked it behind my ear. It was a quick, gentle touch but it seemed like such an intimate one between an employer and employee. As soon as he drew his hand back I found myself wishing that he would touch me again.
“You’re beautiful,” he said. I almost fell out of my chair. Instead, I picked up my wine glass and drained it.
“Thank you,” I told him, finally.
He smiled. He was beautiful… incredibly so. “Again, I could be wrong and over-stepping but my thought would be that he said ‘a break’ instead of ‘break-up’ because he knows what a fool he would be to let you go, deep down. But don’t let him make all the decisions here, Vicki. Remember your own self-worth. If you’re not truly happy with him, then spend your ‘break’ deciding what it is that you want from him if you do take him back. Realize that by initiating this, he thinks he has the power, but he really doesn’t. Your life and your happiness are in your hands, not his.”
I forced a smile. My head was buzzing. I really wasn’t much of a drinker and the two glasses of wine had already gone to my head. “I will. Thank you. Is that what you’ve been doing?” That was such a personal question. I wanted to take it back as soon as I asked it but Alexander didn’t seem offended. Instead he looked embarrassed.
“No, I give great advice, but I don’t live it. What I’ve been doing, Vicki is avoiding it all. I don’t want to fight over material possessions, yet I don’t want to give this woman I was married to for five years everything I’ve worked for and amassed in my adult life. Does that seem selfish?”
“Not at all. I personally have always had difficulty with the idea of alimony. It’s 2015 and female or not, I’m as capable of making a billion dollars as the person I decide to marry is. At least I hope I am. Lately I haven’t been feeling very proud of where I am at this stage in my life. I have always intended to do so much more. I want to give back to the community, you know? I don’t want to live in this beautiful place surrounded by beautiful landscapes and only enjoy it. I want to be a part of the solution to problems like homelessness and environmental issues. I mean… obviously I won’t do that working as a maid, but I don’t intend to do this job forever… Shoot! I mean, I love my job, it’s just…”
He laughed. “It’s okay, Vicki. I haven’t had a lot of opportunity to speak to you one on one like this, but from what I do know about you, you’re much too intelligent to be doing physical labor your entire life. I would be nothing but happy for you if a better opportunity comes along. What do you see yourself doing someday?”
“I finished my prerequisites for the Physician’s Assistant program at UC Davis. I just took a year… or two off to save some money.”
“Physician’s Assistant, huh? That’s admirable.”
I shrugged. “I’ve just always liked healing things. I had a stray animal hospital in our basement when I was a kid.” I laughed at the memory of birds with broken wings and stray cats that had been in fights and needed patching up. Back then I would tell my mom I wanted to be a surgeon. She would tell me to “Marry one” instead. Gotta love my mom.
“So why a P.A. why not a physician?”
“Medical school is really expensive,” I said. “Plus it’s very intense. Even when I get into the P.A. program I’ll have to keep working to support myself. I can’t see myself doing that and still doing well in a medical school.”