I love my mother and the older I get, the more I am beginning to realize and believe that she really did do her best. But I always promised myself that I wouldn’t have a kid until my best meant a nice home in a good neighborhood with plenty of food in the pantry and a mom who was either home, or could afford excellent childcare for when she was at work. Of course, there was always a father in there when I imagined it too. It wasn’t fair to give any less to a child. I didn’t want to bring a child into this world and cheat them out of what they deserved. I wasn’t pregnant, that was all there was to it. I spent the rest of that Sunday in my room. I watched a few movies and slept off and on. I considered going and getting a pregnancy test but that would be a waste of money. I’m not pregnant.
Monday morning I woke up feeling good, even more convinced that I had been silly for even considering I might be pregnant. I got ready for work and realized that we were out of coffee, so I left a little early to go through the drive-thru and get one on my way to work. I went to my favorite little hole in the wall shop down by the beach. They opened the drive thru early for the commuters and surfers and I loved their coffee. I told the girl what I wanted over the speaker and then I drove up to the window. As soon as she opened it and the smells of the fresh baked pastries wafted out, I knew I was in trouble. I began to lurch and gag, handed her a twenty and told her to keep the change and then drove around to the small parking lot.
I got out of the car and realized the sickeningly sweet smells were out here too, along with the smell of the salty ocean. It all cumulated in me holding onto the front of the car and emptying my stomach into the bushes. It was mostly liquid and a lot of it was bile. I felt really disgusting afterwards and almost called in sick. I looked at the time and decided I had time to run by the 24 hour pharmacy and get a toothbrush and paste. I could use the bathroom there. I really couldn’t afford to miss a day of work.
I bought the brush and paste and went into the little bathroom. I brushed my teeth and as if incapable of learning my lesson, I took a drink of water and I was back on my knees and heaving again in no time. When I finished and cleaned up again, I took a long look at myself in the mirror. “You have to take a pregnancy test,” I told the image in the mirror. “Fine!” she said back. “But we’re not pregnant.”
I bought one on my way out. I didn’t have time to do it now. I was already running late for work. I got to work five minutes late and of course, ran into Karen in the locker area. My luck had just been great lately.
“Good morning, Victoria,” she said, glancing at the clock.
“Good morning, Karen. I’m so sorry for being late. The traffic was bad today.” I stuffed my big purse with the test in it in the locker and closed it. I turned and she was smiling at me.
“Please, Victoria. If all of the staff were as conscientious as you, my job would be a breeze. I think all the time you get here early and stay over late can make up for five minutes.”
“Thank you,” I said, smiling back.
“Are you okay though, hon? You look a little peaked today.”
“I’m fine,” I told her. “I was a touch under the weather over the weekend, but much better today.” I was still fighting the waves of nausea that hit every five minutes or so but I wasn’t going to tell her that.
“Okay, well you have a good day. But Vicki if you start feeling poorly again, let me know, alright?”
“I will Karen, thank you.” I went through the kitchen and said good morning to Gregory and while I was talking to him, I saw Karen come out. “Oh darn, I forgot to get some towels for my cart.” I went back in and got the towels and the test out of my purse. I put it under the towels and made my way back through the kitchen and into the storage area to get my cart.
When I got upstairs, Alex was just emerging from his suite. He again looked incredible. He smiled at me and the dimples creased and my heart raced, as usual. “Good morning, Vicki. How are you today?”
“I’m good. How are you, sir?”
“Rushed, as usual,” he said, still smiling. “It would be nice to have a minute to breathe.”
“You should take one sir, before your life passes you by,” I said. It was something I’d say to anyone, but not something I’d normally say to my employer. He didn’t seem offended though. Instead, he had a kind of wistful expression on his face.
“I’ll keep that in mind, Vicki. You have a great day.”
“You too, sir.” I turned back to my cart and busied myself until I heard the elevator doors close. Once he was gone, I fished the test out from between the towels and took it into his bathroom. I’d never used a bathroom in the house besides the staff one before, but I couldn’t risk getting caught. I closed the door, quickly read the instructions on the test and did the deed. It was one of those instant ones, but I couldn’t bring myself to look at it right away. I sat it on a tissue on the counter and wiped and flushed and washed my hands before I looked. Dear God, it was positive. Oh damn! What the hell was I going to do now?