Mai Tai'd Up(61)

I arched an eyebrow exactly as my mother might and said wryly, “I can imagine.”

“Chloe was Miss Golden State.” Sophia came next to me, slipping her arm through mine. “Sort of makes your Little Miss Crap Show look a little ridiculous, wouldn’t you say?”

“Here we go,” Neil said.

“Sophia, nice to see you. Slumming it in our little hometown, are we? I thought you never left San Fran?” Julie asked, her eyes narrowing.

“Slumming it? Yeah, this”—Sophia gestured to the beautiful bay, covered in sailboats bobbing in the moonlight, the bandstand covered in red, white, and blue bunting, the carnival midway glowing with thousands of twinkling lights—“is really slumming it.”

Julie shrugged her shoulders, dismissing her. Dismissing everyone, in fact, stepping back to Lucas and gazing adoringly up at him. “I came to see you, silly. Think we could talk? Besides, I need a ride home.”

Lucas was seriously smart—not just with books, but with actual street brains. He knew better; he’d never fall for—

“Uh. Sure. Yeah. I . . . yeah. Chlo?” Lucas said, looking over her shoulder at me.

“What! I mean—wait, what?” I asked, trying to cross my arms. I couldn’t actually manage it, because I was holding an enormous pink teddy bear.

“C’mere a minute,” he asked, backing away from his family a bit.

I did, leaving Sophia and Julie discussing which part of Julie’s ass Sophia should kick, and how far Julie could shove a cello bow up Sophia’s nose. I was betting on Sophia. We headed a little ways away, to the edge of the sandy beach. I could feel the grains spilling into my sandals as I sank a bit. Chilly. I shivered—not totally because of the chilly sand.

“Chloe, how pissed would you be if I took her home?”

Loads. Tons. Truckfuls of pissed.

But we were just friends, right? So trucks full or not, I couldn’t really tell him ‘No, don’t go.’ Could I?

He looked into my eyes, his so full of . . . something. And as I looked up at him, the fireworks began. Big, and bright, loud and sparkly, over the ocean and over our heads. But he didn’t look away, just looked into my eyes. Did he want me to tell him, ‘No, don’t go’?

No, don’t go, I thought. But I said, “I can’t answer that, Lucas.”

“I think you just did.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt,” I replied.

“What?” he asked, leaning down to hear me over the high school band, now playing “Yankee Doodle Dandy” as loud as it was off-key.

“I said, I just don’t want you to get hurt!” I yelled, putting my mouth right next to his ear.

“I won’t!” he yelled back, our faces right next to each other now, the space between us filled with tension, a sudden sense of urgency, and John Philip Sousa.

“Do you want—I mean, are you sure about that?” I stammered, trying to say what I wanted to know without actually tipping my hand.

Stay with me.

His gaze settled on my lips. Which I licked.

“Maybe I should—”

Say it! Yes, say it! I thought.

“Lucas! Come on!” I heard from behind me.

And as the cymbals crashed, he made his decision. “Call you tomorrow?” he asked, and I nodded. He kissed my cheek, which burned like icy fire, and then he was gone. With Little Miss Mattress Giant. And I was still on the beach, holding a pink bear, with cold feet, whispering, No, don’t go.

When the last starbursts had left the sky, I realized now I was the one without a ride home. Sophia and Neil were kind enough to drive me home, and during the ride I got to hear all about how often Lucas and Julie used to fight and break up, only to make up again. I also had to listen to Sophia plot the demise of Julie, if indeed she was back to stay. And I further had to listen to Sophia tell me how much she now liked me, and felt like I would be a great choice for her cousin. If, in fact, he was still available.

Neil tried to keep the conversation away from Sophia’s plotting ways. He asked questions about Our Gang, and mentioned that they had some friends in San Francisco who were getting married and were thinking about adopting a shelter dog. I told him that when they were ready, I’d be glad to have them come down and meet my dogs.

When they dropped me off and it was just me and the quiet mountains, I was glad to be alone.

Alone. This is what I’d wanted, right? To be on my own, doing it my way, just like Frank said. Tied to no one, answering only to myself, depending on no one. Just me and Sammy Davis Jr. I got ready for bed alone, I turned out the lights alone, I plodded in circles alone, restless. Not ready to end this day. Alone.