“There’s a student who has some pretty significant anxiety. He avoids the other kids, in general, and has these minor freak outs when he gets nervous, tries to leave the classroom.”
My entire day had been consumed by my obsessive observation of Mack’s son. Since his needs were not considered developmental, he didn’t qualify for any special services. The school didn’t specialize in anxiety disorders, and neither did I, aside from my own personal experience battling them. I understood why Mack felt that I was a good fit for Jonah. He’d seen me suffer my share of the same issues back when we knew each other.
I spent the remainder of dinner quietly obsessing. Seeing Mack today was a shock to the system, yet I couldn’t stop thinking about him.
Victor had gone upstairs with a glass of Cognac to relax and correct some of his students’ assignments. I planned to join him for the eleven o’clock news later. It was the same routine every night, for the most part.
When my cell phone rang at nine-thirty, my heart dropped. No one generally called me on a weeknight at that time. Even though I didn’t recognize the number, my gut told me it was him.
She answered, “Hello?”
I closed my eyes at the sound of her voice, fighting the longing it triggered inside of me with every bit of energy I had left today.
“Frankie, it’s Mack.”
“You can’t be calling me at home like this.”
My stomach sank.
Great.
She fucking hates me.
“This is your cell phone, isn’t it? It was in the email you sent to all of the parents. You said to call you anytime if we needed you.”
I need you.
“I know, but…it’s late.”
“I needed to hear your voice, to know I didn’t totally freak you out today.”
She laughed a little. “Well, sorry, I can’t say that, because you absolutely did.”
“I know.” After a long moment of silence, I said, “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
Whoa.
Back up.
I immediately regretted that admission, adding, “I mean…God, Frankie, to see you after all these years. For me, it was like no time had passed. I’m so fucking proud of you. You always said you wanted to be a teacher. You made it happen. What you do every day, it’s the hardest job in the world.”
“Exactly what do you need in regards to Jonah, Mack?”
Ouch.
“How was he today?”
“He seemed very nervous. My teacher’s aide took him out of the classroom for a brief walk when he appeared to get anxious during a group discussion. But he seemed a bit calmer when they returned.”
I was just about at my wit’s end when it came to my son. I loved him so much, but his anxiety wasn’t something I knew how to handle very well. It wasn’t as easy as telling him to snap out of it, that was for damn sure.
“When he was younger, he was fine. Right around five years old, he started getting panic attacks, anxiety, you name it. My moving out hasn’t helped the situation.”
“What do you mean? You don’t live with him?”
“No. Torrie and I aren’t together anymore.”
In her classroom today, I’d alluded to the fact that I’d be picking him up in the mornings, but she must not have put two and two together.
She didn’t respond right away. Listening to the sound of her breaths, I let her process. I knew she needed to process that piece of information.
“When did that happen?”
“About a year ago. I tried to stick it out as long as I could for Jonah, but it was never gonna work. It wasn’t an easy decision, but I was miserable for a very long time. I couldn’t take it anymore.”
“Moses never mentioned any of this.”
“Yeah, well he and I haven’t really had a chance to discuss it. He knows I’m back here, but he doesn’t know the full details.”
Moses Vasco was our only mutual friend. The three of us once lived together in an apartment above a strip of stores in Boston’s Kenmore Square. After I left, I’d kept in touch with Moses mainly to get information on Frankie, but he and I had never been particularly close to begin with
“Where are you living?” she asked.
“I bought a house in Framingham just off Route Nine. I wanted to make sure Jonah felt like he had a real home when he was with me, one with a yard and a nice bedroom.”
“Where does his mother live?”
“Not far from the school in Newton. She commutes into Boston. Jonah’s with her during the week, stays with a nanny after school while I’m working. I work from home.”
“Am I going to meet her?”
The thought of my ex and Frankie coming face to face freaked me out. But I knew it was inevitable.