Mack Daddy(29)

Could he tell how badly I wanted him?

When he reached his hand over to my waist, I flinched. For a split second, I’d thought he was going to pull me into him or something. It turned out he was just fixing my shirt.

“It was halfway untucked,” he said. “You’re a bit of a mess.”

My pulse was still recovering from the excitement of that brief contact when Moses entered without knocking.

“What the fuck is going on?” he spewed.

“Nothing. Mack was just helping me with a toilet mishap.”

“Whatever. You’re being fucking rude, Frankie.”

“You’re right. I’ll be right there.”

Moses exited the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

“He hates me right now,” Mack joked. He and I continued to stare at each other for a few seconds before he said, “I should let you go.” Grabbing the bucket, he started to leave before stopping at the door one last time to say, “I really need to learn how to be better at that—letting you go.”

It was the first real implication of his jealousy. Why did I feel badly that my going out with Emmett was upsetting him? Mack had a girlfriend! God, our relationship was so fucked-up.





The school year was coming to an end. I knew Mack would be heading home to D.C. soon for the summer. He was supposed to be home from his weekend away any minute. On this particular Sunday night, though, I decided to forego meeting him down in the laundry room. Instead, I made my way up to the rooftop of our building.

Lights from nearby Fenway Park lit up the night sky. A Red Sox game against the Orioles had gone into overtime, and the cheers from the crowd could be heard. Feeling super emotional tonight, I let the sounds from the park serve as the backdrop to the multitude of thoughts going through my head.

After about an hour alone up there, Mack’s voice startled me. “Frankie?”

Shit.

I turned around. “Hi.”

“You threw me off. I was expecting you to be down in the basement. I don’t know what made me decide to check up here, but I had a feeling.”

“I wasn’t in the mood for laundry tonight, for some reason.”

He sat down next to me as we both gazed out at Fenway.

“Nothing like baseball on a balmy night in Boston,” I said.

“You don’t normally come up here alone. Something’s up. Did that fucking Emmett do something?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m not even seeing him anymore.”

“Why not?”

“Nothing. It just fizzled away.”

“Well, I couldn’t see you with him anyway.”

“Yeah,” I whispered.

His tone became more insistent. “Something is bothering you. Talk to me.”

I looked up at the stars. How could I tell him what was really eating away at me? That I felt like I was falling in love with him. That I wasn’t sure I could handle my jealousy anymore. That I was miserable at the thought of him leaving for the entire summer. That I feared he might decide not to come back and that I’d never see him again. That in some ways, I feared him coming back again even more. That I’d never been more confused in my entire life.

Probably sensing my inner turmoil, he said, “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

“I don’t know how to talk to you about you.”

He simply nodded. He knew exactly what was wrong.

Mack shocked me when he reached over and grabbed my hand, firmly locking my fingers into his. He stared down at our hands for a while. “This conversation has been a long time coming, hasn’t it?”

“Yes.”

“It’s not one-sided, Frankie. I know you can feel that from me, because I don’t hide my jealousy very well.”

“You know, it’s pretty pathetic that the best part of my weekend is always when you come home. You asked me why I wasn’t downstairs…I was kind of hoping you didn’t find me.”

“Damn, it’s come to that, huh?” He smiled.

“I need to break the pattern, get used to you not being around, not just for the summer but the long term. This is not healthy.”

He gripped my hand tighter and just continued to look at me as I continued.

“I’ve gotten attached to you, Mack—way more than a friend should.”

“I know it’s fucked-up, Frankie. This whole experience in Boston was just supposed to be a temporary reprieve for me, to figure out my future, to get away from home. I wasn’t expecting that being here would feel more like home. That’s because of you. You weren’t part of the plan. At all.”

“I don’t want to have these feelings for you.”

“I used to tell myself I’d eventually tell Torrie about you. But the longer I put it off, the harder it’s become, because my feelings for you now are more complicated than they used to be in the beginning. I’m afraid she’ll see through me. It’s not fair to her, and it’s not fair to you. I’m just so fucking confused about everything. All I know is…I don’t ever want to hurt you.”