One day, he brought me off on his bike, an he was in very bad humour. He kept givin out, cos people were starin at him, he thought. He has a terrible habit of goin up te people in the street an askin them wha the fuck they’re starin at. Sometimes he will stand an stare at people an say te me, ‘Do ye see tha fucker over there starin at me?’ I say nothin, cos I know they’re not even lookin at him. Then he goes after them, tryin te start a fight. He stopped the bike in Drumcondra one time an told me te get off. ‘Walk up there,’ he said te me. ‘I want te see if tha fella follows ye.’ I didn’t know wha he was talkin about. I couldn’t see anyone lookin at him, but I walked up the road anyway an then back te Jackser sittin on the bike. ‘Get up there, stand at the end of the road an don’t come back till I say ye can. I’m watchin this fella across the road te see wha he’s up to.’ I went back up the road an waited. An I saw Jackser starin across the road, but people were comin an goin an mindin their own business. Jackser’s always doin this. He waved his arm at me te come back, an he put me back on the bike. ‘He knew I was watchin him! The bastard knew I was wide te him, tha’s why he didn’t come after you,’ Jackser said. I got terribly afraid an wondered how Jackser found out the Bogeyman had tried te take me away. I held on tight te the handlebars, not knowin wha te think. Was it the same one? Or was it another one, or was Jackser just his usual self, thinkin everyone was starin at him an talkin about him behind his back? I knew tha was only his imagination. People don’t really be mindin him. It’s himself tha causes all the trouble. Accusin them in the wrong.
We’d left the shops an houses behind us, an we were now out in the country. ‘This is where ye can take the airplane from. It will take ye te England, or America, or anywhere ye want te go to.’ I wanted te go te England, but I’d have te be fourteen, an I’m still only six. I wouldn’t be able te get a job an mind meself yet. All I want te do is escape by meself an not have anyone killin me. An never have te see Jackser again.
We stopped in a laneway, an Jackser climbed over a gate. He hid his bike in a hedge an lifted me over. We walked through a field fer miles it seemed. An then Jackser stopped. There was nothin aroun fer miles. Just fields an hedges an trees. There wasn’t even a cow te be seen. ‘Right!’ Jackser said. ‘Ye’re stayin here, don’t look aroun, don’t move, I’ll be watchin ye te see if ye look or even move. So do nothin! Just stay.’ An then he was gone!
I stood rooted te me spot, starin straight ahead. Doin exactly as I was told te do, an I waited. I waited a long time, but Jackser didn’t come back. The sounds aroun me changed, an I knew it was gettin late. I started te turn aroun now in panic. I’d kept up this position all mornin, an it was now comin inta evenin. Me legs were like two iron bars from not movin them, an I had the feelin Jackser wasn’t comin back fer me. I started te cry an look aroun me, but there was nothin te be seen except miles an miles of fields wit hedges an trees separatin them. I couldn’t hear any traffic, or people, or animals, or anythin. I must be in the country, miles from me mammy an me brother. What’ll I do? I started te run up an down, screamin, then I stopped te listen. Nobody will find me, me best bet is te stay here. Jackser’s the only one who knows I’m here. If he comes back fer me, he’ll know where te find me.
I didn’t sit down, even though I was tired. Jackser said not te move, an, anyway, he might not see me sittin down in the grass. Suddenly I heard a sound behind me, an Jackser appeared outa nowhere. He wasn’t comin a few minutes ago, I would’ve seen him. I don’t know how he did tha, but I’m glad te see him. ‘Come on,’ he says, wit the same look on his face he gets when a dog he’s tried te stray turns back up at the door. An he says, ‘I can’t get rid of tha fuckin dog! It’s back again.’
15
All the people have left the house, an we’re the only ones left. Jackser says the house is condemned, an me ma says it’s cos of him. Jackser roars an shouts now, an there’s no one te bang up on the ceilin wit a brush or run in an bang the door an tell Jackser if he doesn’t stop roarin an fightin, they’ll knock the head off him, cos he’s drivin them mad.
We move, too. The Corporation gives us two rooms in a tenement house down in Sean McDermott Street. I sleep in the bedroom wit Charlie, an me ma an Jackser sleep in the sittin room. They said it’s warmer in the sittin room, cos the gas cooker’s in there. We have no chairs, cos Jackser broke up all the furniture when he was drunk. So everybody sits on the bed. Our bedroom is big, an we have a winda high up in the wall, so we can’t look out. If we could see out, we’d be lookin at waste ground, cos the Corpo demolished the old Georgian tenement houses tha stood there. The room is freezin cold, an the glass is broken in the winda. When I’m in me bed an I look aroun, there’s nothin te look at, cos me room is bare. An I’m lookin at the bare walls. But I don’t care. I snuggle under the hairy blanket an wrap the coats aroun me an Charlie, an I’m delighted. Jackser can’t get his hands on us. An I can peek me nose up from under the coats an look at the sky an wonder what it would be like te be a bird an shit on Jackser’s head an fly back up onta the roof an torment him until he wears himself out, screamin curses at me an threatenin te kill me. Then, when he’s tired, I’ll fly back down again an give him another good shit all over him. Yeah, I’d love tha!