The next mornin, he woke me te get up. I was sittin on the side of the bed an couldn’t move. The room was spinnin, an me head was worse. Jackser came over an said, ‘Come on! Get dressed.’ I made a move te get me shoes offa the floor an keeled over. Jackser picked me up an put me sittin back on the bed. ‘Wha’s wrong wit ye?’
‘Me head is painin me bad,’ I said.
‘Right! Go down te the dispensary an ask tha doctor te come up an see ye,’ he said. I slowly left the room an headed down the street. But instead of goin down te Summerhill, I sat down on the steps of a house an waited. I was six years old, an I knew it was foolish te ask the doctor te come up te the room te see me when I was the sick one.
When I got back, I said the doctor would be up, an they put me te bed. I lay at the head of the big bed on me own. I must have dozed, cos when me eyes fluttered open I saw Eddie, Jackser’s brother, lookin down at me. I closed me eyes again. It hurt te open them.
‘Ah, the poor young one looks bad! Do ye think she’ll be all right?’ Eddie asked.
‘Ah, she’s in the best place. She can’t go wrong there. As long as she gets plenty a rest, she’ll be fine,’ Jackser said.
I don’t know how many days have passed. But this evenin I’m feelin better. Jackser put me in a cot shoved over inta the corner. We’ve moved inta the front room, which faces out onta the street. This room is bigger, an the family who lived here moved out, leavin this cot behind. I can’t stretch me legs an am all doubled up, but it’s better than sleepin wit them. Now Jackser can’t kick me any more, tellin me te move over when I was sleepin at the end of the bed an draggin me from me sleep when I was wettin the bed.
The two of them are gettin ready te go out. Me ma is wearin the new red coat she bought fer thirty bob when she collected the childre’s allowance an he collected the labour money. He bought himself a Crombie coat an a pair of fawn trousers an brown ankle-length horsey boots. All the horsey people wear them. An Jackser an me ma were all delighted wit their new style. ‘We’re goin out,’ he says te me, lyin in the cot. ‘We’re headin up towards the convent where the nuns give us the bread. I saw a doll fer you, lyin in the bin. An we’re goin te go up an get it. So don’t move from the cot. An don’t mind the babby, he’s asleep. If he wakes up, just ignore him. He’ll go back te sleep when he sees it’s dark an nobody’s mindin him. An if anyone knocks, don’t answer the door.’
I lay in the cot, watchin the shadows thrown in from the street lamp dancin up an down on the wallpaper, an I imagined the doll. I worried it might be gone – someone else might get it. Maybe it might have a broken leg. But tha wouldn’t matter. I could brush its hair an wash it. An wrap it in one of the babby’s blankets an bring it te bed wit me.
Time passed. I’d nodded off, but they weren’t back yet. I waited wit longin fer the doll. But I enjoyed the peace of the room an was content tha Jackser was happy an excited, an me ma was laughin when they went out.
The next day, there was no sign of the doll. I didn’t say anythin, but I wondered wha happened. Me ma an Jackser were talkin an laughin. ‘Tha was a great fillum, Jaysus, Shake Hands With the Devil. Did ye see the way he was runnin wit the coffin, an the fuckin thing broke open when they dropped it? I nearly kilt meself laughin, Sally! Did you like it?’
‘Yeah!’ me ma said.
‘By God, tha was a great night last night. I really enjoyed meself, I did.’
‘Yeah,’ me ma said.
The Legion of Mary turned up this mornin an knocked on the door. They wanted te talk about religion. ‘Youse are not gettin in here,’ Jackser said te them. ‘I’ve no time fer religion.’ An he started roarin, ‘Them Antichrists, the priests, wit their thick red necks from all the best feedin of steak an the best food money can buy. Wit their motor cars, an it’s all in the name of religion! When they’re only gettin rich on the backs of the poor!’
When he stopped fer a minute te get his breath back, one of the two women said, ‘Do you pray? It’s a great comfort to the soul. I don’t suppose you go to Mass, then? You are living in terrible sin. If you were to drop dead today, you’d go straight to Hell!’
Jackser got his breath back an shouted, ‘I went through fuckin hell when I was locked away in Artane Industrial School fer nine years! An them so-called Christian Brothers beat the shite outa me wit a leather strap an made me plant fuckin potatoes an work out in all weathers, out in the farm. An they put me in hobnail boots tha were too small fer me, so I couldn’t walk, an now lookit me!’ An he stood back te show them. ‘Me legs are fuckin bandy! They destroyed me!’ he roared.