He was standin behind me watchin, an I moved me back, then he moved te see what I was doin. He saw me take a spoonful of the babby’s bread an milk, an he gave me a punch in the side of me head. I was sent flyin, an the bowl upended over the babby. Then he gave me a kick an lifted me by the hair of me head. He roared inta me face, spittin all over me. I was not te be eatin the babby’s bread an milk. It was fer him, not me.
I was not te know tha, cos I’d always shared the babby’s bottle when there was nothin else te eat. Me ma said nothin.
Jackser took me down te the relief office, an he had a whispered talk wit the man there. When we got back, he said te me ma, ‘The only way I can collect the labour money fer you an yer two kids is te get them put inta my name. Now, I’m told, if we go te a solicitor an we say I’m the father of the kids, we just have te sign a sworn affidavit in front of a commissioner fer oaths. We’ll get a solicitor who’s a commissioner, an Bob’s yer uncle, we’ll get elected, on the pig’s back. The kids’ll be in my name, an we’ll go after the Corporation. They’ll have te house us.’
‘Right, Sally! Let’s get movin. You stay here an mind him. Don’t let tha fire go out an don’t use too much coal, go easy on it!’ The door banged behind them, an the babby lifted his head from the bed. He looked aroun, beginnin te fret, an I went over te him an stroked his head an hushed him. An he put his head back down an went back te sleep. I got off the bed an went over te sit on the floor in front of the fire, te make sure it didn’t go out.
The noise woke me, an I felt a sharp pain in me head from the bang Jackser gave me. Then I was dragged te me feet. Jackser was shakin me by the neck. ‘Ye stupid bastard! Ye let the fire go out. I fuckin told ye te watch the fire. Now there’s no fuckin tea.’ I looked aroun, dazed, wonderin wha was happenin. The room was dark, an the fire was out, an Jackser was roarin inta me face.
I was shakin. ‘I’m sorry, Jackser! I won’t do it again. Don’t hit me, Jackser. I’ll be good. I’ll do what I’m told.’
I looked te me ma. She was chewin her lip an lookin at me nervously. ‘Don’t hit her, ye’ll hurt her,’ she said.
Jackser ran at her an started stabbin her chest wit his fingers. ‘She’s yer bastard, Mrs! If ye’s don’t do wha ye’re told, ye can get back out on the streets where I found ye’s. Now, do I make meself clear?’
‘I hear ye!’ me ma said.
* * *
Jackser took me wit him aroun te Mountjoy Square. We went down a lane an stopped at the stables. ‘Gerrup outa tha,’ Jackser roared at the two fellas backin a horse out. An then he laughed.
‘How’s it goin, Jackser? Wha’s happenin?’
‘By Jaysus, I’ve landed on me feet!’ Jackser said. ‘I’ve got meself a mot. This is her young one. Go on over there, you, an play.’
I kept outa the way. I wandered up an down the lane, lost in me own thoughts, keepin a wary watch on the stables in case Jackser was callin me. I could hear them laughin, an then Jackser shot up the lane, runnin wit a horse. At the top of the lane, he turned an came runnin back. The horse lifted its legs high in the air an was beginnin te break away from him. I broke away from the wall I was pressed against an dashed inta the stables. Jackser skidded te a stop outside, pullin on the horse’s head. ‘Whoa! Easy! Easy!’ he said, an petted the horse. ‘She’s a lovely mare, ye’d know she’d been a racin horse,’ he said te the men.
‘Ye would at tha!’ one man said, squintin through the smoke of a Woodbine an suppin his mug a tea. I was sittin on the sacks of oats, watchin the other man sweepin out the horse manure an the wet hay. He swept it all up inta a corner of the lane, an when he was satisfied it was all clean, he put the brush away an started te put down new hay.
I had a bad headache now, an it was gettin worse. The man wit the Woodbine noticed an said, ‘I don’t think tha young one is lookin too well. Maybe ye should get her home.’
Jackser looked at me an said, ‘Wha’s wrong wit ye?’
‘Me head is painin me. I feel sick!’
‘Yeah, OK. I’ll get ye back in a minute.’
When we got back, Jackser told me ma I wasn’t well. But she wasn’t listenin. ‘Go down te the shop an get me an onion. I’m goin te fry it fer his tea. An get me a bottle a milk.’
‘Ma, me head is painin me. I don’t feel well.’
‘Go on! Hurry up, then, he’s waitin on his tea! I don’t want him te start.’
I took the money an went down the street, an then me stomach started heavin. I was bringin up the tea an bread I’d had tha mornin, an it was all water now. I couldn’t bring up any more, but me stomach continued te heave. I held on te the railins an then had te sit down on the step. Me head was burstin, an I knew I’d have te move. Jackser would be down after me, an he’d kill me if I took me time. He’d be waitin fer me te get back.