Ah, Jaysus, did I say somethin wrong? I was thinkin, when the doctor said, ‘Yes! Fine, now, can you tell me where Mars is?’
‘Mars? Do ye mean a Mars bar?’ I looked at Jackser, an he was rollin his eyes an pointin his finger te heaven. ‘Oh! Ye mean space?’ I asked the doctor.
‘Yes, that’s right,’ the doctor said happily.
‘Oh, yeah! I know all about tha,’ I said. ‘I remember years ago, when the spaceship went up. I was listenin on the radio, an I waited fer it te come back. But it never did. So I gave up wonderin about it.’
‘Good!’ said the doctor. ‘Now, can you tell me what is charity?’
‘Oh, tha’s when ye get somethin fer nothin. Or when ye help yer neighbours out or they help you. It’s lookin out fer each other!’
‘Very good,’ said the doctor. Then he was delighted when I read a page outa a school reader fer him.
‘I can read the lot if ye want me to,’ I said, delighted he was listenin te me read.
‘No, no! That’s very good,’ he said, takin back the book.
I waited fer more, enjoyin meself. He’d asked me sums ye do in yer head, an I had the answer out before he finished the question. Ye have te be quick, or I’d be robbed blind when I’m sellin me butter. ‘Now, spell forbidden,’ he asked, lookin at me. The first spellins were fer babbies, but now he thinks these are harder, but they’re not.
‘F-o-r-b-i-d-d-e-n!’ I spelt, waitin fer more.
‘Good!’ he said, puttin away the last of his papers an slammin his bag shut. ‘That’s the lot!’ An he stood up, headin fer the door.
Jackser jumped up, bowin an smilin, an said, ‘Thank you very much, Sir!’ An tipped his forehead wit two pointed fingers an rushed te open the door fer the man an let him out.
I waited te see if I’d done anythin wrong. ‘You an yer fuckin Mars bar!’ he said, lookin at me. ‘Wha put tha idea in yer head? Lucky I warned ye.’
‘Yeah, Jackser, ye were very smart there, all right!’ I said, butterin him up. Then he snuffled an laughed.
I let me breath out. An me ma came in sayin, ‘Jaysus! Is he gone? Me heart was broke tryin te keep them kids quiet!’ An she ground her teeth an gave Charlie a box in the head, cos Sally was annoyin her cryin.
‘Wha did I do?’ Charlie muttered, duckin an rubbin his head.
‘So wha’s goin te happen now, Martha?’ me ma asked, chewin her lip an blinkin. Sally was now screamin in her arms, an me ma was gettin very agitated. ‘Here! Sit down there,’ me ma roared, dumpin Sally on the floor te crawl aroun.
‘Well,’ I said, thinkin about it. ‘Now I have te go back te court. An tha doctor is goin te give him the report about me.’
‘I don’t know,’ Jackser said, rubbin his head. ‘I don’t like the look of this. Tha judge never asked fer anythin like tha before. Usually he just gives ye the probation act an lets ye off wit a warnin! But this time it’s different! Wha did they catch ye fer this time?’
‘Six pounds a butter, Jackser,’ I said, waitin te hear wha he was goin te say. I was gettin worried again. The thought of havin te face tha court again in another few weeks was makin me feel sick.
‘Tha’s not too bad in itself. But ye’ve been up before him at least seven or eight times in the last two te three years.’
‘Yeah,’ me ma said, ‘an she’ll be twelve in another few months. Then we could get ye te leave school fer good. They don’t bother about ye when ye’re older like tha.’
‘But I don’t go te school anyway, Ma!’ I said, gettin annoyed wit her.
‘Yeah, but I’m sayin, once ye’re over age, ye don’t have te worry!’
‘Will ye never mind about tha, Mrs!’ Jackser roared. ‘We have te get this court case outa the way first, or the young one will be put away!’ He glared at me ma. ‘An where will we be then, Mrs? Eh? No fuckin money comin inta the house. An ye can kiss goodbye te yer lumps a steak, an yer fried rashers, an yer good butter on yer bread!’
‘Ah, shut the fuck up!’ me ma roared back. ‘An you won’t be fillin yer gut wit any more drink!’
Jackser slammed his fist on the table, an I ran fer the door. ‘Right, Mrs! If ye don’t want te listen te what I have te say, then fuck ye,’ he roared, snortin, an glarin, an spittin big dribbles at me ma.
‘Go on, then!’ me ma said, shakin. ‘Say wha ye have te say. I’m listenin!’
Jackser stepped back, takin a big breath inta his lungs, an said, ‘We may have te get her a solicitor. It will be money well spent. An you get a letter from the doctor, sayin ye’re expectin another child. An get him te say ye’re in bad health. An ye suffer wit yer nerves. An the young one is a great help te ye at home. An without her, ye won’t be able te manage. Tha it will cause great hardship. Have ye got tha?’