Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes(157)

A big crowd was swarmin aroun the ticket collector now, an he was on his own. ‘Come on, Ma!’ I grabbed her coat, pullin her wit me. I rushed up the gangplank, rushin past people quietly, an when I got te the ticket collector, wit the crowd aroun him, I squeezed past them, mutterin, ‘Ma! Mammy, wait fer me!’

I was on! I looked back te see me ma comin up te the ticket man, an she was lookin in his direction an then saw me on the ship wavin down at her. ‘Come on. Come on,’ I was whisperin. She laughed at me nervously an then slid past the man while he was checkin someone’s ticket, an she was up an on the ship. I grabbed her coat, an we disappeared inta the crowd, only stoppin when we were well away from the ticket man.

‘Oh, Jaysus! We made it,’ me ma said, laughin.

‘Yeah, Ma! Yeah! We’re on the ship. We’re goin te England!’ Me heart was flyin wit excitement, an I stood up an watched the seagulls flyin aroun the ship. An they sounded as excited as meself. ‘Oh, Ma, we got away from Jackser. I can’t believe it. We’re on our own again after all tha time.’ I ran up an down on the seat, feelin I could do what I liked. ‘How are ye’s, Mister?’ I shouted te a gang of fellas standin by the rails lookin at the water, feelin miserable in themselves. They took no notice a me.

‘Let’s get downstairs an get ourselves a seat before they’re all taken.’

‘Yeah, Ma!’ an I jumped down an followed her down inta a room wit cushy seats. We sat down an rested ourselves, content te take it easy now an just watch the other people comin an feelin we were the same as them. All startin a new life. An the lovely quiet an peace tha came over me was like I’d died an gone te heaven. I never felt so happy before. I wasn’t worried or afraid any more. Oh, God must be lookin after me. Maybe he likes me after all.

I sat back watchin the people, lookin at their faces. One aul fella was sittin next te his wife, an she had a babby of about nine or ten months sittin on her lap, an another one of about two lyin on the seat beside her wit his head slumped against her. The aul fella kept fixin their two huge suitcases beside him te make sure no one robbed them. None of them looked happy. ‘When are we goin te get movin?’ he kept mutterin te the wife. She said nothin. Just looked at the little fella lyin beside her.

I watched his eyes, hard as nails, slidin aroun the room, landin on the women an lookin up under his eyebrows te check the men weren’t watchin him. Then slidin back te the wife, givin her a dirty look. An seein her move nervously, lowerin her eyes down te the child on her lap. Not lookin anywhere, in case he might accuse her of lookin at other men. An then, satisfied she’s not enjoyin herself, he looks away te take in the room again an say, ‘See! Lookit me, I’m a big man. I keep me wife an kids under control, an they know wha’s good fer them. I’m yer man fer handlin women an childre. But I’m not interested in gettin inta a fight wit men, cos I couldn’t handle tha, tha’s why I don’t look them in the eye.’

Another fuckin Jackser! I thought. But the woman annoyed me more. Why is she so afraid of him? Just like me ma! Why can’t they wait their opportunity an then pick up somethin when he’s sleepin an split his head wide open. An when he wakes up shocked, scream, ‘Ye can hit me, but ye’ll fuckin have te kill me, cos every time ye touch me, I’m goin te cripple ye until ye stop! Do ye understand?’ I think them cowardly bastards would back off quick enough. Cos they don’t like ye playin them at their own game. Me heart was flyin wit annoyance.

I shook meself, te get rid of the feelin, an looked at me ma. Her eyes were closed, an she was dozin. Me poor Ma, she’s too soft an doesn’t know how te work her way aroun anythin. A lot of women are like tha, waitin fer the men te tell them wha te do. I’m not goin te let any man tell me wha te do. Nobody’s ever goin te get the better a me.

Me ma stood up an whispered, ‘Martha, I’m just goin out te the tilet. I’ll be back in a minute.’

‘OK, Ma. I’ll go wit ye.’

‘No! You stay an mind the seats. I won’t be long.’ An she headed off out the door. I took me shoes off an wrapped me feet under me, gettin more comfortable. Then a man poked his head in the door, wearin a cap pulled down over his eyes an a big overcoat wit a belt tied aroun it. An grabbin a tight hold of an aul suitcase under his arms tied shut wit string, he crept inta the room on his toes, wit his arse still out the door, an looked slowly aroun. An then his shifty eyes lit on me ma’s seat. An before I could open me mouth, he was over an dropped his arse down on the seat an put the suitcase down beside him, an stretched his legs out, an slid his head an neck down inta his overcoat, an pulled the cap down restin it on his nose, makin himself very comfortable.