The bus farted an gave a big bang, an puffs of blue smoke blew up outa the back. It took off, an we’re hardly movin. Kids banged on the winda an roared inta the driver, ‘Hey, Mister, we’d be faster runnin! Do ye want us te ger out an push? My aunt Lizzie she lives in number eight, she has two diddies, like a ball a ...’
‘Cut tha disgustin singin out,’ screamed the conductor up the stairs. The windas were all open, an everyone was pushin an shovin te lean out.
‘Hey, Jenny! Are ye not goin te school?’ A young one standin on the seat in front of me screamed out at another one on the other side of the road.
‘No! I’m not well!’ she roared.
‘It’s well fer ye!’ screamed the one on the seat.
‘Tell the teacher fer me, will ya?’ shouted the other one back.
‘No! I’m tellin her ye were mitchin!’
The bus lurched an got a second wind, an took off flyin, rockin from side te side. An everyone standin was now collapsed on top of the childre sittin. ‘Geroffa me! Ah, me leg! This is my seat! Mister, she hit me!’ Everyone was roarin.
The conductor took no notice. ‘Fly me to the moon!’ he sang, puffin on his Woodbine. Then we got te Dorset Street, an the conductor suddenly gave two bongs te the bell, an the bus came te a skiddin stop, sendin everyone flyin again, landin on seats an the floor.
‘We’re stopped!’ shouted the childre, an the conductor waved at the driver, who shot back his little winda te see wha’s goin on.
The bus conductor flew inta a sweet shop. An everyone shouted, ‘Come on! He’s gone inta the shop! Buy me a penny toffee, will ye? Here’s me money.’
‘Get’s a fizzy bag!’ screamed another young one. An gangs of childre roared in after the conductor.
They all came flyin back out again. ‘Get back on tha bus!’ roared the conductor, grabbin childre by the arms an carryin them onta the bus. An he lashed out wit his foot, tryin te stop others escapin back inta the shop. ‘I’m tellin the head nun on the lot of ye’s if ye’re not back on tha bus right now,’ he screamed, tryin te grab them scatterin in every direction.
‘Ye’re not tellin on us, Mister! Lookit us, we didn’t geroffa the bus,’ roared childre from the top winda.
The driver was watchin an waitin. ‘Have we got everyone?’
‘Yeah, Tommy! I think so,’ the conductor said, outa breath, lookin outa the bus te make sure. ‘No, wait!’ An a young one came outa the shop suckin an icepop.
‘Tha’s not fair, Mister! We want te get somethin. We’re entitled!’ screamed childre from the platform.
‘I’m reportin you!’ screamed the conductor. ‘Get on the bus before I put the lot of youse off.’
The young one galloped onta the bus, an the conductor jumped on an bonged the bell three times. An the driver shut the winda an then opened it again an roared, ‘If any one of youse bang on this winda again, I’ll leave the whole pack of ye’s stranded where ye’s won’t be found fer a week!’
‘Ye can’t do tha, cos we’ll report ye te CIE. We know our entitlements! Yeah! An we won’t think twice about it neither.’
The driver slammed the winda shut, an the bus roared an gave a big bang. An blew a big cloud of black smoke, an tore off, sendin everyone flyin. An then rocked back, an everyone went flyin in the opposite direction. An the conductor opened a new pack a Woodbines, peelin off the wrapper an throwin it offa the platform. An he stuck a cigarette in his mouth an lit it wit a match, an took a big drag inta his lungs, an shook himself, mutterin under his breath, ‘Jaysus! This job will be the death a me yet!’
We drove inta Mountjoy Square an turned right. ‘We’re there!’ childre shouted.
‘Come on, where’s me schoolbag?’, ‘Oh, Mammy! I forgot me copybook’, Lend’s a pencil!’, ‘Oh, Gawd! I didn’t do me exercise, the teacher’s goin te kill me.’
‘Hurry! Geroffa the bus.’
Everyone was goin mad. All shoutin, an frettin, an pushin, an standin on each other when some were crawlin under the seats tryin te find their things. I took me time, in no hurry te get in them gates. Me heart was beatin like a drum. These young ones have been goin te school fer years. An they know wha te do an where they are. I know nothin. An I hate te look like an eejit. Pity I didn’t know sooner. I could’ve fixed meself up wit a copybook an pencil.
I was bein pulled along by the crowd. ‘Come on, youse! The bell is gone, we’ll be late!’
We went through the doors, an everyone flew in different directions. I stopped an looked aroun me, wonderin what I should do. ‘What do you think you are doing, standing about here?’ a voice barked at me. I got such a shock when I saw a big black figure flyin at me. Me eyes blurred, an I was seein three of it. ‘I asked you a question! Are you deaf?’ she screamed. I looked up inta the white face – the cheeks were hangin down, an it was squashed inta a white cap covered in a big black veil, an a long black habit, ye couldn’t see her shoes. An she was pointin a big bell at me an starin down at me wit her watery faded blue eyes waitin fer an answer. I forgot wha she asked me, so I stared back, waitin fer the question again. ‘You stupid girl! What is your name?’