ME, CINDERELLA?(58)
“But I thought…look, Brynn, I know we could be a good couple.”
“Mark, don’t.”
He forged ahead with the words that I’m sure he’d been practicing all last night. “I really think there’s something between us, Brynn. I’ve always felt it. You’re so special to me, and you always have been. Just give me a chance to be that person for you, too.”
“Mark—”
“Don’t do this,” he said, his voice cracking. “Please, Brynn, don’t throw this away without a shot.”
“I’m not throwing anything away. I just don’t think we should be together. Not like that.”
Mark paused, his brow furrowed deeply. He looked tortured, and I wished that there was something I could do to console him. But any kindness I had in me was safely tamped down. If there was one thing I didn’t want, it was to send mixed messages. No more hugs. No more shared smiles. No more anything for a while.
“I don’t understand it.” His voice turned hard, and he looked away from me. I didn’t know what to say, so I just stood there, waiting.
“I don’t understand. Do you just not care about me?” His eyes flashed dark and accusing at me.
“I care about you a lot, Mark. Just not in that way.”
“So what?” He threw his hands up in the air angrily. “Are you going to pine forever for him?”
“Who?” My face turned hot as I realized what he was saying.
“You know who I’m talking about. You light up whenever Herceg comes into the room.”
“So?” Was it that obvious?
“He’s a professor, Brynn.”
“So?” I shuffled the papers again in my hands, trying not to admit what Mark already knew. That’s not the least of it, I thought. He’s also a prince and heir to a fortune. He lives in a castle, for god’s sake.
“So you think he would care about some dumb student?”
“No!” I threw the papers down onto the desk, and tears sprang to my eyes. “I know that! Of course he doesn’t care! That’s not the point, Mark!” Fury raged in me. He had no right to talk about Eliot in that way. I had never heard him speak so bluntly, so meanly.
“What’s the point?” he said.
“I don’t feel that way about you, and that’s all there is to it.” A frisson of energy crackled between us, and I could see that things wouldn’t go back to normal anytime soon. If ever.
“Okay.” Mark stacked my scattered papers together and pushed them back towards me on the table. “I’m sorry.”
I saw the rejection ripple through him and sag his limbs, but I couldn’t do anything. Sorrow ran through my, but I couldn’t fix this thing between us right now.
“Me, too,” I said.
The space between us had grown too dangerous to stay in. We couldn’t be friends, not like we had been before. I wanted to throw myself into the river outside and freeze until I couldn’t feel these emotions anymore. The pain of being rejected by Eliot was almost as bad as the pain of hurting Mark. I could deal with being hurt. I had always been the one who could handle pain. But dealing it out to someone else was too much. The two people in my life who I felt closest to here, and they had both been torn away from me. More alone than ever, I retreated back into the safety of mathematics, and the dam inside of me that I thought had been torn down now stood taller than ever, my protection from the messiness of he outside world.
Eliot sat at his desk, reluctantly petting the gray ball of fur that sat purring on his lap. As the phone rang again, he prayed for Marta to stop calling him. After the tenth ring, he gave up pretending to be in the shower.
“Eliot? Finally!” Marta said, her voice bright and enthusiastic. “I’ve called about that damned cat you wanted to get rid of.”
“Oh!” Eliot breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m so glad.”
“Did you think I was going to ask about that girl of yours? I convinced the Lustigs to take her cat in a couple of days. How is she?”
“The cat?”
“The girl.”
“Marta, the subject is over.”
“I was just asking how she was.”
“She’s doing well. She’s done some good work on the project with another student.” His voice caught on the last syllable, and he coughed to cover it up, but Marta didn’t miss anything.
“Another student? A boy? Eliot, are you jealous?”
“It’s not my place to be jealous.”
“You don’t have any competition.” Marta seemed unworried. “She’ll come back around.”
“Thanks, Marta, but I’m really not looking for any kind of relationship right now.”