“Yes, congratulations,” Eliot echoed. My heart sank. So Mark had won the Prize. I had thrown it all away for nothing, and Eliot knew who I was. A lump rose in my throat. Eliot turned to me.
“And congratulations as well to you, Ms. Tomlin.” Eliot’s voice sounded formal, distant. “Dr. Patterson assures me that despite your disappearance for the interview portion, you are generally a reliable person, and I can speak to your mathematical ability myself.”
I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know if he was saying what I thought he was saying.
“I’m sure the department will be happy to have two students named to the internship this year,” he continued. “Isn’t that right, Dr. Patterson?”
The department chair raised his eyebrows but shook his head in agreement.
“An excellent selection of students,” Patterson said. “Both very qualified.”
“So we’re both going?” Mark asked. “No way! Awesome!” He turned and swept me up into a tight hug. My heart soared as I hugged him back. I turned to Eliot in amazement.
“Thank you,” I said. His jaw tightened in a tense smile.
“I’m late for physics,” Mark said, his arm still holding me close. “We can talk later. Thank you, Dr. Herceg, thank you so much. You’re such an inspiration.” He shook Eliot’s hand. “And congrats, Brynn!”
“You too,” I said, waving goodbye. For some reason, I was scared to look Eliot in the eye. “I should get to class.”
“One moment, Ms. Tomlin,” Eliot said. “I’d like to talk with you first about the internship. We didn’t quite get a chance to finish the interview portion of the test, after all, did we?”
“In my office?” Patterson offered.
Eliot waved him away. “It’s such a beautiful day,” he said. “And I only have a few questions. Let’s walk outside, shall we?”
I nodded. He led the way through the hall and opened the door for me. The sunlight made my eyes squint as I exited the building. Although Eliot had said he wanted to talk with me, he didn’t speak at all as we walked slowly on the sidewalk. We crossed the lawn and came to the library. He sat down on the bench outside. I stayed standing, uncertain.
“Please.” He motioned for me to sit, and scooted to one side so that a large gap separated us. I settled down onto the bench beside him, my skin growing hot.
“Brynn,” he began.
“I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry for lying in the first place. I’m sorry for running away. I just—I thought I did really bad on the test. And I didn’t want you to know I lied. I thought maybe you just wanted me to win, because…”
“Because?”
I flushed even more, shifting uncomfortably.
“You know,” I said. Eliot paused, and I could not tell what emotion it was that flitted across his brow before disappearing. When he spoke, his voice was low.
“I’m sorry we started off the way we did, Brynn,” Eliot said. “You did very well on the test. You deserve the prize as much as anyone.”
“Thank you,” I said. My heart pounded with a mix of desire and embarrassment.
Eliot licked his lips before speaking, and I felt my body respond to the sight of his full mouth, so warm against my fingers that night. My entire face burned with the memory.
“I wanted also to apologize for my behavior toward you,” Eliot continued. “I behaved unprofessionally.”
“You didn’t know…” My words trailed off as I looked into Eliot’s stormy eyes. He was holding something back, and I could hear the unspoken words echoing between us.
“Let me assure you that nothing of the sort will happen again.”
Eliot stood up, his eyes looking away, toward the math department.
My mouth dropped open but, as always, I lacked the words to express myself properly. How could I be anything but ecstatic to win the internship prize? But Eliot’s assurance only pierced my heart. Nothing of the sort will happen again. The words struck me to the core despite my joy at winning. I had never wanted much, never had much, but it had been such an excitement, such a thrill to find that I wanted him! And now, with my victory, I had assured myself that he would be securely out of reach.
I had said goodbye to Shannon and left the apartment we had shared for the past two years with a mixture of excitement and nervousness in my heart. Now, back at my grandmother’s before leaving for Hungary, I felt like a child again, about to leave home for the first time. With torn emotions, I packed my bag in the tiny bedroom I had shared with my Nagy growing up. Her house dwindled amid the others on the rural street where she lived, tucked away into the California brush. Not able to afford much space, she had strung a curtain across the room just as she had when I was young so that I could have my privacy in the bed that was only a few feet from hers.