"Okay, and that means … "
"It means I think it's time."
I froze. It's time means get off your ass and hustle. But hearing the very pregnant love of my life say it as she grabbed her stomach and groaned … I froze. Fear consumed me. This was different than the other times, I could tell. I just knew that I'd take her to the hospital and they wouldn't send us home without our baby. That meant, the next time I was here, there would be a crying baby with us. And I froze.
"Cade!" Ivy's cries shook me out of my panic enough to get up and start getting things together to leave. She actually had to remind me to put clothes on, otherwise I would have shown up to the hospital with my dick swinging.
We made it to the hospital in record time, but it helped that the car was already packed from the first visit six days earlier. This time, they admitted us immediately and started hooking straps up to her stomach. The sweet swooshing sounds came through a monitor and it finally put me at ease. That was my baby's heart I was hearing and it calmed me enough to take in what was going on around me.
Nurses were fluttering in as they were setting everything up. And Ivy was filling out paperwork between contractions. I wasn't sure how long twenty-three words were to her, but her contractions were coming about every eleven breaths for me.
Over the course of an hour, they checked her at least a hundred times. I was proud of Ivy; she didn't hesitate once when spreading her legs to allow them to stick their hands between them. They said she wasn't progressing, which I wasn't sure what it meant but it didn't sound good, so they gave her something in her IV to move it along. But then not too long later, they came back and said the baby was in distress. Everything started happening at the speed of light by that point. I wasn't sure what was going on until I was being ushered into a room to scrub and put on a surgical gown.
The next time I saw Ivy, she was lying on a table with her arms out to the side. She stared up at the ceiling with wide, scared eyes. I instantly forgot what I was feeling and ran to her so that I could comfort her. I was told to sit on a stool that was next to her head. A giant screen was hooked up in front of her and acted as a shield to what was going to happen behind it. This wasn't how I had imagined my child being brought into the world-being cut out of its mother. But as long as my baby and Ivy were healthy and safe, I didn't care how it happened.
My primary concern was to calm Ivy. So I looked at her, locking her gaze with mine, and started talking as if we were lying in bed before going to sleep. Just like it was any other evening. "What were you working on at home?"
A tear slipped to the bridge of her nose and then fell over. "My book. I was just writing the epilogue when you came in."
I looked at her in amazement. "You're writing a book?"
A smile lit her face up. "Yeah. Don't know what I'm going to do with it just yet. But I started writing one day and next thing I knew, I had a book."
"What's it about? Tell me all about it."
"You already know the story," she whispered as the doctors began to work and talk amongst themselves behind the screen. But I didn't hear anything they were saying, only listening to Ivy.
"What do you mean?"
"It's our story. Of how we met and fell in love."
I couldn't help but laugh. "Oh yeah? Sounds like an interesting book. What's it called?"
"Lust."
That puzzled me. "Why lust?"
"Because without it, I wouldn't have you. Lust was a big part of your parents' demise, lust was a big part of why my mother did what she did to me. She was afraid of lust. And lust is what brought us together initially, although it turned into so much more."
I nodded, fully accepting that answer. "So … am I hung like a horse with abs of steel and stamina like a champion?" I teased, wagging my eyebrows at her. It earned me a laugh.
"Yes. I wrote you exactly the way you are, Cade."
"And is there a lot of sex?"
"It wouldn't be our story without it," Ivy said and then winced.
That's when we both heard the cries of our baby, pulling us from our conversation and setting sights on our baby for the very first time. The doctor held the tiny, red, alien looking baby over the curtain and excitedly told us we had a beautiful baby girl. I was ecstatic and felt at ease. She was healthy, she was here. I didn't care what we were having, as long as it was healthy and happy. But Ivy was still insecure of having a girl, which is why we decided to wait to find out what we were having. I looked to her immediately after they took the baby away to clean her up.
"Hey," I whispered as I wiped her forehead, hoping to calm her down. "She's beautiful, just like her mommy." I knew what her fears were, even though she had come to terms with most of her past. Ivy had a big heart. She was sensitive, caring, and kind. I had seen those actions numerous times when she cared for me. I knew I had nothing to worry about, and eventually, she would too.
"But what if … " She let the sentence hang in the air as she tried to hold back the agonizing cries.
"Ivy, look at me." I waited until I had her undivided attention. "You're mother was a very sick woman. You're not anything like her. I'll be honest with you and tell you that there was a time after we first met that I questioned your sanity, but I have a Master's Degree in psychology and I can professionally tell you that you're good." I tried to lighten the mood a little, and it worked when she gave me a small smile. I leaned in closer. "You're going to be a fantastic mom."
"What are we going to name her?" she asked softly, sounding better than she did a moment ago.
We hadn't thought too much about girl names since the subject of having a girl seemed to dampen the mood. And the only name we had agreed upon was James for a boy. I shrugged my shoulders at a loss and told her she could name her anything she wanted.
A nurse brought our daughter over to Ivy and held her out to her. Ivy looked petrified to hold her, but cautiously took her anyway. The moment she was holding our little bundle of joy, her eyes lit up. More tears started to fall, and I knew Ivy was a goner. She had just gotten owned by this little being she was holding in her arms.
She looked at me and a smile spread across her face as she said, "Jaymee."
"Perfect," I agreed as I looked at Ivy, holding my daughter.
The nurse handed Jaymee to me and I looked down into the tiny, scrunched up face in awe. Ivy and I had created this little being out of love. There wasn't anything in the world more intense than that. That's when it hit me, like a sucker-punch to the gut. I had been owned by another female. For when I looked down into Jaymee's eyes, she took possession of my heart. I felt completely fulfilled at that moment. I had Ivy and Jaymee and we were a family.
Everything that I had been afraid of my entire life suddenly came full circle and made sense.
We belonged to one another and nothing would ever come between us. Sure, we'd have our disagreements and times when we didn't see eye-to-eye, but I could already feel a bond between us-a bond that would never be broken.
We were a family.
Acknowledgments
It has taken me a while to finish this book. There were so many times I put it down, thinking it wasn't something anyone would want to read. But there are a few people that wouldn't let Cade and Ivy's story die. Without them, it would probably still be sitting in a folder on my computer untouched. Without them, I wouldn't have this feeling of satisfaction.
Marlo: Cade's biggest cheerleader. I know for certain that without you, I would have never finished this. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!
My family: I know it hasn't been fun competing with a computer, and for that I'm sorry. But I'm the luckiest wife and mother in the world to have all four of you in my corner! I love you all more than you'll ever know.
My readers: The support I get from you all is beyond amazing. I can't even begin to thank you all enough!! You all make me both excited and nervous and it's you who I think about when writing. I hope you guys love Cade and Ivy as much as I do!
My betas: Oh I love you guys so much! I know I've driven you crazy with this one … I think I changed the ending three times … but you guys have been great! Thank you so much!!!
Sarah: You have been my lifesaver and I cannot even begin to thank you! I am so thankful that I have you in my corner. I love you!!!
Blogs: Thank you ALL for the continued support. It means so much to me!
To all the authors that let me include your book, thank you! And Carina Adams … I am so freaking glad I found you!
To check out the books included in Lust: