We fell asleep sometime in the very early morning hours, curled up in each other on her bed. And then woke the next morning to start moving her in to my house. So much of my darkness had faded, and I could see the same reflected in her eyes. I saw happiness in her smiles, and I was sure mine were the same.
We were turning the page on a chapter in our lives, and I couldn't wait until the next one began.
"Ivy, come on, we're going to be late," I called to her as I walked into our home office and found her behind her desk with her face in front of her e-reader.
After she moved in a little over a month ago, I had turned my gym into an office for both of us. My desk was on one side of the room and hers was on the other, facing the door. I didn't seem to need the punching bag anymore; ever since Ivy came into my life, my anger issues were gradually dissipating, but I didn't want to get rid of all my equipment. So I kept my row machine and a weight bench in the far corner. I actually enjoyed the evenings when I'd work out while she sat at her computer and did whatever she needed to for work.
Ivy was amazing. Since moving in, she had kept herself rather busy with the book stuff she did. She designed some of the most beautiful things, and had even used a picture of me for one of her cover designs. You couldn't tell it was me, though. It was of my back while I was stretching after a workout. But I must say, it looked pretty good.
"I'm almost done with this chapter, Cade. Just let me finish and I'll be ready."
"No." I stepped into the room and stood in front of her desk with my hands splayed out on the top, hovering over her. "Your doctor's appointment is in thirty-five minutes, and it's thirty minutes away. You can finish it in the car." I knew she was stalling, I just wasn't sure why.
"It's fine; I'll just reschedule," she said without even looking up.
I took the tablet from her hands against her loud protests, and pulled her from her chair. "Why are you fighting this so much? Why don't you want to go? I told you I'd be there with you. I even took the afternoon off for this."
She closed her eyes and released a deep sigh. "I don't want her to look at me there."
I walked around the desk and stood in front of her, holding onto her shoulders and tilting her body so that she'd have no option but to look at me. "I don't understand. I thought we worked through that fear? Does that still bother you? And when are you going to stop referring to your pussy as ‘there'?"
"Of course it still bothers me, Cade. It will probably always bother me. And the P word is meant for the bedroom, when it doesn't sound so bad. I'd say vagina, but every time I do, your eyes light up-just like they're doing right now."
I laughed. I couldn't help it if I lusted after my woman as much as I loved her-which was a lot and all the time. My smile fell when my brain returned to the original issue, her fear. "But you're fine when I look at you. I thought you said I saved you."
"You did … you saved me for yourself. Even if we had kept our relationship professional and you ended up clearing me, I don't think it would have made any difference when it came to others. With you, I'm fine, but not so much with other people-man or woman."
We had never talked about what would have happened if I didn't knock her door down and convince her to come back with me. It always worried me that one day she'd wonder what it would be like to explore relationships with other people. She had only been with two men before me, and neither of them brought emotion to the table. But hearing her admit to me that she still hated the idea of being looked at by anyone but me, as sick as it sounds, gave me an ego boost. It went both ways, though. I still hated the idea of fucking anyone but Ivy on a bed or sleeping with my arms tenderly wrapped around anyone but her. So I guess it was fair.
"Well, regardless, you have an appointment to get to. So come on." I pulled her by her arm lovingly until she was following me on her own. "Just close your eyes and pretend I'm the one between your legs. I'd talk dirty to you while she's doing her thing if it'd help convince you, but I don't think she'd appreciate it."
"It might help explain why we're there," she teased as we walked out to the car.
I waited until we were both buckled in and the engine started to purr before commenting. "You're going there to get birth control; I don't think she needs to hear me talk dirty to you to figure out why we need it." Almost two weeks to the day after Ivy moved in, she had started her period. It was a weird day since she had nearly convinced us both that she was indeed pregnant, by sheer paranoia alone. There was nothing to back up her theory, other than the obvious, but she was almost certain of it-because it happened in books, I suppose. But once we realized she wasn't, we were both quiet and full of thought.
Honestly, I was relieved that she wasn't. I didn't want that kind of pressure on us so early in our relationship. We were still getting to know one another, and working out the kinks of living with someone else. The last thing we needed to add to that adjustment was a baby. But at the same time, I had gotten used to the idea of having a family with Ivy. And that was the sad part. But at least we knew we had plenty of time for that. When I thought of life with Ivy, there was no doubt in my mind that it was for eternity. I couldn't imagine life without her.
After the pregnancy scare, we had concluded that it would be a good idea for Ivy to get on birth control. Condoms were the last thing on my mind once she was naked, and the way she clenched around my dick as she came made it extremely difficult to have enough thought in my head to pull out. It was safest if we found a new safer form of birth control, one that I couldn't forget to wear while in the heat of the moment.
Ivy decided to go with some ring that she put inside of her every month so that she wouldn't have to bother with remembering to take a daily pill. I didn't care what she went with, as long as it meant I could come inside of her and not have to watch her freak out every month.
It pained me to watch her squirm on the table as the doctor performed her exam. It was obvious by the expressions evident on Ivy's face how uncomfortable she was, and when Ivy was in pain, I immediately wanted to jump into protective mode. But I couldn't do this for her, it was something she had to face head on and she did. No matter how awkward Ivy was, she was determined to get through the exam. The doctor did ask her once about the scarring, but I broke in and answered as clinically as I could in order to keep Ivy from having to go through the explanation again. The thankful look in her eyes was all I needed to tell me I had made the right decision. I would have her back and she'd have mine. There was a suffocating silence that filled the examination room after my explanation, but I guess that was to be expected. It was an astonishing story. But it brought back everything I had felt after she told me her story, and I could tell she was also reliving the emotions she had gone through. I kissed the back of her hand and continued to hold onto it in order to offer her a sense of security. But who was I kidding. I wanted to feel her hand in mine for my own security as well. I have no idea what the doctor thought during the rest of the examination since my attention was on my Ivy, and I wasn't going to break that for anything.
The appointment didn't last that long, thank God, and once we were finished, we headed back home. I was officially starting my new practice the following week. I had been busy getting everything in order to start up my new venture. By some miracle, my calendar was full and I had made the decision to hire an assistant after realizing I now had a reason to be home after office hours and didn't want to waste a single moment going through the office bills or returning phone calls when I could be spending that time with Ivy. But with all of that going on, I hadn't been able to just curl up on the couch and watch TV with her. So that's what we did when we got home.
We watched some romantic comedy that Ivy wanted to see, but I barely paid any attention to it. I was too busy watching her. The way her lips curled up at the corners when she thought something was sweet made my heart feel full. The way her top lip moved over her imperfect incisors and her chest vibrated slightly when she thought something was funny made me smile. And the way her eyebrows pinched together during an intense scene made me want to kiss her forehead until all of the tension was gone. I had learned so much about Ivy over the month we had been living together, but nothing made me see her more clearly than watching her reactions to the things around her or the unconscious facial expressions during a movie. I could have watched her all fucking day long, every single day and still learned something new about her.