Lust(36)

"Are …  Are you saying you're …  in love with me?" she whispered beneath the spray of water.

"No. Love only ruins things. I'm already ruined. I have no idea what  this is that I feel for you, but I can't call it love. I don't want you  to love me, Ivy. I want you to own me. I want to own you. I want to fix  you and break you all at once. I need you and I can't explain it.  Please …  don't ask me to."

She freed her hands from the wall where I had them pinned and snaked  them around my neck. Her fingers twisted through my hair as she pulled  my face down to meet hers. The moment her lips landed on mine and opened  for me, her pelvis pushed against my leg. I leaned into her, pressing  her hard against the tile behind her. I moved my soaked jean-clad thigh  between her legs and I began to thrust it into her center. My erection  found her soft thigh through the denim and ached to feel her skin. It  pulsated with want and need. Her body stilled for a moment before I did  it again, making sure to add pressure for the both of us. My hands found  their way to the bottom of her tank top and I let the tips of my  fingers barely touch the skin on her stomach before sliding them up to  her ribcage, taking her wet shirt with it.

Ivy pulled her face away and began to breathe heavily against my chest. I  stilled my hands and took my own deep breath, needing to make sure she  was with me the entire time. "Do you want me to stop?" The fear in my  voice was strong and echoed in the small space. Had I not been so  worried about Ivy's reaction, I would have been embarrassed by my lack  of confidence.

"No. I don't want you to stop. But I'm scared you're going to. I'm scared you're going to run away like before. I-"

I reached behind her and grabbed her ass in my hands, hiking her up my  body until her legs instinctively wrapped around my waist. Her face was  even with mine and she had nowhere to look but in my eyes. The shower  was still on and soaking us both, the water falling in droplets from her  dark eyelashes and making the red flakes burn with intensity.

"I tried to do the right thing. That's the only reason I left."

"What if you decide again to do the right thing?"

I kissed her briefly before pulling away to look at her again. I  couldn't answer her. I was tired of talking. My dick was hard and  throbbing against my jeans, knowing there were only a few layers of  fabric keeping me from her warmth. I needed to be inside of her. I  needed to cross every fucking line that kept me from Ivy Jaymes until  those lines were wrapped around us, binding us together.

I turned the water off and carefully stepped out of the shower. The cold  water had cooled our bodies until we were both shivering and covered in  chills. I needed to be pressed against her, skin-to-skin, in order to  heat us both back up. It was the only thing on my mind. I tried to lay  her down gently, but her body bounced on the mattress as I released her  from my hold. I took a step back to see her dark blond hair, darkened by  the shower, spread out around her. Her small chest heaved up and down  and it was impossible to miss the two pebbles hiding behind the thin  material of her bra.

I kicked my shoes off and unbuttoned my jeans, pushing them to the floor  as I stepped out of them. Not once did I take my eyes away from the  damaged and scarred woman, whom I cared for and would protect with every  fiber of my being, in front of me. Her eyes never left mine, either.  She watched with fear etched in her expression and I knew she was making  sure I wouldn't run again.         

     



 

I wouldn't.

I would never run again.

The moment I reached for her, she froze up. It was as if I was watching  all of her walls reconstruct around her, blocking me out. She began to  push back on the bed until she was in the middle with her legs bent in  front of her. Maybe her fearful expression wasn't because of me leaving.  Maybe it was because of me in general.

I leaned over her shivering frame, keeping my hands on either side of  her body so she would know where they were at all times. "Talk to me,  Ivy. Tell me what you're feeling. Why are you pushing me away?"

"I-I just need the lights off," she mumbled with her eyes pinched tightly closed.

"No," I barked and grabbed her face until she looked at me. "I want to  see you. I need to watch you if we do this. I won't let you shut down or  space out while I'm inside of you." I softened my words and bent down  until my lips were barely touching hers. "I need you to be in this with  me."

She began to relent as her legs started to give. Her breathing started  to even out and her eyes softened. "Don't look at me," she pleaded with a  voice so quiet I wasn't sure I heard her correctly. "I want to be with  you, but you can't look at me."

I shook my head, not understanding what she was saying. "I need to. I have to make-"

"No," she started, placing her hand over my lips to keep me from continuing. "You can't look at me there."

With a deep breath, I gave in. I knew she was uncomfortable with the way  she looked, much like I knew most women were. I had seen so many  vaginas over my career-and life-that I couldn't honestly tell you that  there was a "normal" looking one. But just like every other part of a  woman's body, I guess insecurities about their sex were no different. I  wouldn't push her, but I knew that at some point, I would see it. I  would taste it. It was only a matter of time before I'd have her giving  in and begging for it.

I smiled and lowered my mouth to her neck, tasting her cold skin.  "Whatever you say, Ivy, but I can't fuck you with your pants on. I'm  good, but I'm not that good," I teased as I made my way up to her ear  and pinching the lobe between my teeth.

"Are you going to fuck me?" she asked and I didn't miss the hopeful tone she used.

I pulled away to look at her. "What did you think we were doing?"

"You said before that you wouldn't do that."

Her words settled on me and I knew exactly what she was talking about.  She wasn't just asking if we were going to have sex, she was wanting to  know if I was going to fuck her the way she wanted, the way they did in  the books she read.

"Is that what you want? Do you want me to fuck you?"

A shyness swept over her face and her eyes turned downcast. "I don't know."

Well, that wasn't the answer I was looking for, but then again, I wasn't  really sure what I was looking for. I wanted nothing more than to pound  into her pussy and leave her feeling me there for a week, but it was  clear that she wasn't ready for that. And I wasn't sure I was either.  For the first time ever, I wanted to just go with it. I wanted to start  blind and see what happened. I didn't need to fuck Ivy, although I  wanted to at some point, I only needed to be with her. And it didn't  matter what way that was in, as long as it was with her. That thought  was enough to have me running for the door, but the moment I felt her  tiny hand on my hard dick, I no longer thought about anything else.

I made quick work of taking her bra off, but the moment I attempted to  remove her leggings, she stopped me. I moved to the side of her and kept  my eyes on hers, proving to her that I wasn't going to look where she  forbade me to. But the moment her pants came off, I was back on top of  her, owning her lips with mine.

Soft whimpers and moans escaped from her throat as I teased her with my  dick. I was so hard and ready, but I needed to make sure she was right  there with me. I ran the length of my cock between her folds, thrusting  hard but slowly as the base ran over her clit. I could feel her hips  begin to move with mine and I knew I had her. I knew she was with me all  the way and not cowering in the darkness of her mind. Her legs began to  tighten against my hips and her breathing turned ragged. I knew she was  on the cusp of an orgasm and needed to take action before she fell  over. I needed to be inside of her when she let go.

I pulled back slightly and then pushed forward, not stopping until I was  fully inside of her. She gasped audibly while I stopped breathing  altogether. I couldn't move as I tried to calm down. I felt as if I  could explode at any given second. Her warmth invaded me, her muscles  hugged me, and the sounds she made vibrated through me until I was on  the verge of my own orgasm.         

     



 

While we were chest-to-chest, face-to-face, her eyes grew large and her  mouth dropped open. At first, I thought it was because of my thrust into  her, but the more I watched her eyes, I realized it was fear and my  instincts kicked in.

"We're done. You're not ready," I said as I started to back away.

Before my dick was out, she was pulling me back, desperately clinging to  me while crying, "no, no, no." A tear slipped from her clenched eyes. I  slowly pulled my hand to her face and wiped it away, feeling a dying  need to comfort her. That was the moment I realized she was more fragile  than I had ever anticipated, more broken than I had ever thought.