She nodded slightly and said, "I understand."
"But I don't really give a fuck about lines right now," I confessed and watched her eyes go wide.
My fingers worked my button loose and I pulled the fly of my jeans down quickly. I never once took my eyes from hers and she never took hers from mine. Even as I dropped my jeans to my ankles, leaving me in nothing but my heavily tented boxer briefs, she never stopped looking into my eyes.
"Wait," she breathed out while holding her finger in the air.
Although I knew that what we were about to do was beyond wrong and went against everything I practiced, I couldn't help but feel disappointed at the thought that she would stop things now. I knew it was best to pull my pants up and leave, but all I wanted to do was pull my boxers down and come. I was so turned on it probably wouldn't take me long.
I watched without moving as Ivy walked to the lamp in the corner and turned it off, cloaking the entire room in darkness. My eyes hadn't adjusted to the sudden change in lighting so I had no idea where she was or what she was doing. I had to listen closely, past the loud beats of my heart for a hint of where she was. I could hear breathing, but I didn't know if it was hers or mine. And then, I felt her presence next to me. She didn't touch me or make a sound; I could just feel her.
She wasn't moving and I could tell she was uncomfortable … probably nervous as to what she should do next. I didn't trust myself to speak; instead, I stuck my thumbs through the elastic band of my boxers and pulled them down to my thighs, causing my dick to spring back and hit me in my stomach. With my back flush with the wall behind me, I waited for her to make a move. I wasn't going to instruct her on what to do or guide any of it. I was only going to let her set the pace and I'd follow.
I could see Ivy move to the front of me as my eyes became accustomed to the dark. A faint light from the almost full moon came through her window, casting a glow on her as she stood inches away from me. As much as I wanted to see her, I closed my eyes and allowed her to progress when she was ready.
Her fingertips were the first things I felt, lightly touching my face. They made their way to my lips and outlined them with soft, slow movements. The mixture of our panting breaths was the only sound audible in the small room. I couldn't even hear the normal nighttime sounds from beyond her window. It was just the two of us.
I felt her other hand on my shoulder. She was just holding on to it, probably keeping her feet steady. Her hand didn't move until the fingers that were tracing my lips made their way down to my chest, and then both hands began to move. Each inch she traveled toward my stomach set my body on fire and caused my dick to pulsate. I could feel it twitch against me the closer she got to it.
And then her hand accidentally brushed the tip. I knew it was by accident by the way she softly gasped and pulled back. But I didn't move or make a sound. I stood against the wall and let her find her way back to it. I kept telling myself that it was for her. I was doing that because she had asked and seemed to need it. Except, as soon as I felt her hands on my skin, I couldn't help but feel that it was all for me.
Seconds passed … long, torturous seconds until I opened my eyes again. If she was about to break down, I needed to be there to catch her. But as I opened my eyes and looked at her, she didn't look like she was about to break down. She looked like she was at war with herself. She had her eyes on my dick with her hands pressed to her chest. I realized then that I had gone too far. I had allowed her to lead me too far. I reached out and grabbed the sides of her face, threading my fingers through her hair and pulling her into me enough so that I could kiss her. I made sure to keep my body away from hers, only pulling her head up and leaning mine down enough to comfort her with my mouth.
I hadn't expected the moan that came from her throat, nor had I expected her warm hand to wrap around my shaft. I couldn't help the hiss that passed through my teeth as I pulled my head back and thrust my hips forward into her hand. Nothing had ever felt so good in my life. It didn't matter that she wasn't doing anything but holding it. It didn't matter that her grip was so light it was nothing more than the touch of a feather. It was the most wonderful touch, yet nothing about it should have been sexual. So why was I on the verge of exploding?
With one hand barely holding on to my shaft, Ivy used the other to run a finger over the tip. She felt the pre-come that had gathered there and began to move it around the head. I knew it was all new to her and she was experiencing it for the first time. It made it feel as if I was experiencing it all for the first time as well. I felt like this was the very first time anyone had ever touched me, and maybe it was. Because it felt as if she were touching a hell of a lot more than just my dick. She was touching me … inside, outside, everywhere … filling me with her soft caresses and her light touch.
The more she played with my natural lubrication, the harder it became to breathe. The harder my blood pumped in my veins. And the harder it became to keep my hands to myself. All I wanted was to push her down until I felt her mouth on me, and then push her even further down until I felt the walls of her cunt choke me. I wanted to push her until she broke, until she was so shattered she mirrored my own reflection. That way, I could take the pieces of us and put them back together until there was just one. That's what I wanted.
"What do I do now?" she whispered.
I swallowed, trying to calm myself enough to speak. "Whatever you want. This is for you." But that felt like a lie that left my tongue tasting like acid. It was just as much for me as it was for her. I've done plenty of things for women, and not once did it leave me this hard, this wanting, or this desperate.
Her grip tightened slightly and she started to pump my cock. My hands itched to grab her hair or thrust my hips into her hand. But I held back, with gritted teeth, and it left me feeling like picking up a heavy-duty truck would have been less exhausting.
To give my hands something to do, I reached out and touched her collarbone, running light strokes on her soft skin. Her head tilted to the side as I followed an invisible trail up her neck and to her jawbone. Once my finger had made its way to her chin, her breathing was shallow and fast, mimicking her hand on my shaft. She leaned forward and placed one of her hands flat on my chest, moving her face into mine until our lips touched. Not once did she stop the wonderfully torturously soft movements on my dick.
So there we stood, my hand on her neck, her hand on my chest, and my dick in her fist. Our tongues were tangled, fighting for power as they moved from my mouth to hers and then back again. Moans roared through both of our chests, deep grunts bubbled up my throat, and soft whimpers escaped her lips.
"Like this?" she asked once her lips broke from mine.
I nodded, unable to speak past the knot in my throat.
Ivy pressed her body into mine more. Her hand remained around my dick, yet now it was pressed between our stomachs and her lips were back on mine. I had never experienced something so intimate, so close and personal. Just the thought of intimacy turned me off. But what Ivy was doing to me had me so turned on I wasn't sure I ever wanted anything else again. No … I didn't want anyone else again. And that thought had me wanting to both run away and come all over her.
I was about to tell her she needed to stop. If she kept doing that, there would be a mess to clean up and I needed her to stop. But before I could say anything, she whispered to my lips something that stole the breath from my lungs.
"I think I want to try it."
I pushed her back slightly so that I could look at her. "Try what?"
"It. I think I want to see if I can do it."
That hadn't cleared anything up for me. What did she mean by "it"? "You have to be more specific, Ivy. I need you to tell me what it is you're talking about." Although, I didn't really need any clarification. Whatever "it" was, I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it.
Her forehead fell to my chest as she whispered, "sex," against my skin in a rush of hot air.
My hands were on her shoulders, and although I knew I needed to push her away, I couldn't find the strength to do so. I pulled my lips to her ears and said as gently as I could, "I can't do that, Ivy. Not right now."
Her hand released my aching dick and she took a step back. "Why not?"
With a deep breath, I settled against the wall and fought my need to go after her. I knew that if I went to her, I would give in. And then not only would I have crossed a line I swore I'd never cross, I'd be so far on the other side I wouldn't be able to get back over.