LLucy’s Revenge(Divine Creek Ranch 15)(119)

“We’re talking about it. You’re probably wondering why I called.”

“No. I’m really glad you called me. I enjoyed getting caught up with you. Was there another reason you called? Maybe something you’re hesitant to say, or ask? It’s okay, you know.”

“I wondered…I really don’t want to fuck this up. Sorry. Patrick has a kid and I’m trying to clean up my potty mouth. I really don’t want to mess things up with Lucy—”

“Lucy? That’s her name?”

“Yeah. Listen, I just wondered…When we were together, you and me, did I ever do anything that really bothered you? Like bad habits?”

“No. Why? Is she bothered by some of the things you do? Is she telling you that you have to change the way you are, to be with her? Because that’s just not right—” Beck could tell that Chloe was getting a little riled in his behalf and it made him smile.

“No. No. Nothing like that. Although I did really put my foot in it good last weekend. I mean I really fu— screwed up. She forgave me and all. I just wondered if there were things about me or my personality that you put up with, that maybe secretly drove you nuts, you know? I want to fix it if there was.”

You sound like a pathetic asshole!

“No, Beck. There was never anything about you that drove me nuts.”

“There wasn’t?”

“No. There wasn’t,” she said, sincerity in her voice. “And you shouldn’t have to change yourself to suit someone else.”

“I know my language probably bothered you.” It had to have. Chloe was always so soft-spoken and never cussed.

“No. Not really. You would cuss, but you never once called me names or spoke insultingly to me. You never once mistreated me in any way. To be honest, there were times when I kind of liked the…rawness about you. And some of the lame-brained nicknames you used to call me made me laugh,” she added, laughing softly.

Oh shit! I called her sugar tits, too! I’m never saying that word ever again! Beck even shuddered. I don’t care what Chloe says, I’m a certifiable dickhead.

“Naughty Knockers was my favorite of all the names you called me, even over Sugar Tits. I thought you had a great sense of humor and I knew you did it as a way to joke around and have fun.”

Beck banged his head against the steering wheel. “That didn’t bother you?”

“Nah. Beck?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you worried all this time that you somehow did something to make me want to leave you? I know I told you several times that you didn’t. Did you not believe me?”

“I just…figured that there must’ve been something I didn’t do right.”

Chloe sighed. “Oh, no, Beck. Please listen when I tell you this. A lot has happened since I left Divine. Most, but not all, of it has been good.” She paused and he wondered about what might have happened to her that wasn’t good. “I think before I met Grant and Andrew… Heck. I’m messing up what I’m trying to say. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize. I called you. You can tell me anything you think I need to hear.”

“I think the problem really was inside me, Beck. In fact, I’m sure it was. You were always sweet and told me I was beautiful.”

“You were. You are.”

“But I didn’t believe you. I had some self-esteem problems and I didn’t know how to fix them. It was all tied up in the past, in the death of my parents, in being suddenly alone—being seventeen and having no one to turn to or help me. So, I couldn’t see myself the way you saw me. I didn’t think I could be the woman you needed me to be. You needed someone who was whole and healthy and could give you all of her, but that wasn’t me. Beck, I’m so sorry I hurt you, but I still believe everything happened the way it was supposed to, because for me, things have started to get better. I’m getting better.”

“If I’d known you had self-esteem problems…” He never would’ve realized that, but looking back, he could see what she meant. Compliments had always been hard for her to accept.

“It wasn’t something you could’ve fixed. It’s much better now but still a daily battle. Grant and Andrew understand and help me with it.”

“That’s good, Chloe.”

“Well, good luck winging it with your new woman, Beck.” She giggled. “Hey, I’ll bet I can guess what you did that drove her into a temper.”

Beck laughed out loud at her teasing tone. “On which occasion?”

“Come on, Beck. We both know what it is that’s likely driving her nuts. Let’s have some therapy right here. Let’s change just one tiny word in your vocabulary, okay? Now, say it with me,” she said teasingly.