She shook her head and he felt her body tense as if she’d made some kind of decision. “No. I go on doing what I’m doing. It made me happy then and it’ll make me happy in the future. I’m never going to be reliant on anyone for my happiness and I can’t believe Maia is.”
It was what he needed to hear. But why did it hurt? He relaxed his grip. “That simply means that you haven’t found anything or anyone to make you happy yet. But you will.”
He kissed the top of her head feeling regret, for his inability to be with her and for her inability to return his feelings. He closed his eyes against the fragrant smell of her hair—wood smoke, faint orange blossom of shampoo and cool morning air—and tried to imprint it on his memory.
“No, it’s not for me. Any of this.” She looked around, shaking her head and pulled away from Razeen. “I can smell food. We must eat and then leave if we’re to reach the city by nightfall.”
“You want to return so soon? I could arrange for a driver to come pick you up in a few days?”
She shook her head, her eyes revealing a poignant blend of pain and defiance. “No, I need to go. For now, I need to go. But I'll be back.”
“Then you’re right, we must leave very soon. The storm is forecast for later today.”
A look of doubt flashed across her face, swiftly replaced by a nod of determination. “Let’s get going then. I’ve had enough of storms for a while.”
But, as they walked back to the caves, Razeen cast a worried glance at the western horizon that had already grown blurred.
Over breakfast Lucy watched Maia and Mohammed and saw what she hadn’t seen the previous night—how much they felt for each other. When the time came to go, Maia fished Lucy’s antique compass from inside her abaya and grinned. “Good to see you still wearing mum’s compass.”
“I always wear it. It reminds me of when we used to look through the world atlas together. She showed me how to use the compass. She’d always wanted to go overseas, explore different countries.”
“And never did. She’d have been so happy to see you traveling. And, look here, you’ve still got the ‘Maia’ sticker I stuck above due north. Just look for that and you’ll know where I am. And where you are…” She looked at Lucy then and Lucy saw the tears in her eyes. “You’ll understand some day. I have to do this. I’ve chosen this because I love Mohammed.”
Lucy kissed her. “Then it’s the right decision, isn’t it? And a brave one. But you were always strong, always knew what you wanted. And I’ve always trusted you to make the right decision. So I know you have.” Lucy pulled Maia into her arms in an exaggerated bear hug to hide the sense of loss that still gripped her. “I’ll come back to see you before the baby’s due. I’ll be with you then.”
They hugged one last time and Lucy climbed into the vehicle.
Maia turned to Razeen. “Look after my little sister. She’s so strong, so capable that sometimes she forgets to allow people to care for her.”
“I will.”
Lucy didn’t look back immediately as they took off out of the valley. When she did, she saw nothing but the dust of their vehicles. Maia and her new family were lost to her.
Lucy gazed out at the wide expanse of desert that stretched, like a sea of pale gold, to the distant horizon, while Razeen and his men drove quickly through the monotonous landscape. This is what she did, she thought, absently. Either drifted on a boat controlled by someone else, or was driven in a car by someone else. And there she was, believing she was free. She was just drifting, propelled along by someone else. Her sister, on the other hand, had taken control and had chosen her future.
She glanced at Razeen. His lips formed a hard line and his expression was tense. No doubt he felt as if she’d sent him on a wild goose chase. From his perspective Maia must have seemed just fine. And no doubt it appeared insulting to him that Lucy couldn’t believe Maia could be happy in his country. She chanced another look at him—eyes fixed on the road ahead, mouth stern—and tried to contain the hurt at his withdrawal.
It was stupid to feel such things. He’d done more than she’d asked and she’d made it clear she had no interest in being with him beyond a few weeks. Besides he was the King. Why would he be interested in her? No. They had no future together and she’d done what she set out to do, found her sister and now she had to get on with her own life.
She closed her eyes and let the revving of the engine over the stones and dips of the track blot out her thoughts. She must have dozed off because when she opened them again, she had to squint and refocus. The sun had disappeared and the air was almost brown, clouds pushing their way out of the dense darkness, as if emerging from the end of a massive bubble blower: blood-red on brown. She’d never seen anything like it.