Daddy's Here(8)

"I do pay attention. Stop pretending you know me. You don't know me."

"I know that you're not capable of coping in the real world. Take your  father's cards away and you wouldn't have a clue what to do."         

     



 

"I'd get a job."

"Really?"

"I could get a job." She turned to face the man behind the ticket booth window. "You'd give me a job, wouldn't you?"

"Course I would," he replied.

I grabbed hold of her, dragging her outside. There was a wooden bench  next to the travel office and I shoved her down onto it. "Stay there!" I  snapped, raising my voice just enough to see fear flash across her  eyes. "You've given me enough trouble. I'm taking you home."

"Why are we even talking about it? You don't want to take me, you'd have done it already and besides I can see it in your eyes."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I said, feeling unnerved by  the question. Of course I knew about Kingsley, as much a wet blanket as  his father was a cold hearted villain. Crueller in his own way, no match  for someone as innocent as her.

"He hits his girlfriends," she said quietly, looking up at me with puppy  dog eyes so wide, she was almost a cartoon version of herself. "I know  what kind of man he is and I will not marry him."

"I can protect you," I said, sitting next to her on the bench. "Even after you're married."

"Who made you the Godfather all of a sudden? I don't need your help, I'm doing just fine on my own."

"So you won't come with me voluntarily?"

"Not until I've seen Ben. If he won't have me, I'll marry Kingsley. How does that sound?"

I thought for a minute before answering. "Listen, how about we make a deal?"

"What kind of deal?" she asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"I'll go with you to see him."

"See who?"

"The guy who wrote those letters."

"Ben? But why would you agree to that?"

"Because I'd rather you want to come back, it's easier than dragging you back. Matteo doesn't want you damaged."

"What am I, a Faberge egg?"

"Would you rather we go home now?"

"No, God, no."

"Well then let's get some tickets shall we?"

I watched her digging out her card. It didn't matter that her father  would see the purchase, he wouldn't know where she was travelling to,  not from a credit card statement.

Why was I doing this? This wasn't me, this wasn't who I was. I didn't  make deals with people, I took what I wanted, what I needed, then I was  gone. But something was different about her, something I couldn't put my  finger on.

Part of it was her vulnerability. She genuinely seemed lost in the  world, unable to look after herself without help. She stood buying the  tickets with her shell of cockiness intact but I could tell it was all  for show. I could see straight through it to the little girl she was  inside.

It would break her to marry into the Matteo family. She'd get money,  sure, power too, maybe. But not help, not protection, not comfort, not  the things she so clearly needed. The little girl would get crushed in  that world and she'd become as cold as them, as empty hearted as me. No  one deserved that.

You want to fuck her too, I thought, doing my best to ignore that fact.  It didn't help me think straight and I needed to think straight.

I thought instead about the relationship between her and her father.  That was one thing that was clear no matter how clouded my thoughts  were. I'd always been good at seeing through people to who they really  were. She yearned to be close to her father but something had happened  to drive them apart and now she hated him. I couldn't put my finger on  what it was but it probably involved Tony Matteo.

She loved the boy in the letters, that was obvious too. The words and  emotions poured off the page. If I wasn't so dead inside, I'd have felt  something when I read them. Maybe her father had driven them apart,  maybe that was why she resented him so much. Combine that with finding  out she was supposed to marry a cruel drip of a man and it was no wonder  she'd run. She couldn't hide for shit though, that much was obvious.  She'd never had to hide in her life and she had no idea how to do it.

I'd worked all that out but I still didn't really know why I'd offered  her the deal. If I didn't take her back, I was a dead man. There was no  way round that. I couldn't screw up a job like this and expect  everything to be fine. I should grab her, break into the nearest car,  drive her back. She'd be damaged but in a way she already was.

Get the job done and get away from her, one side of me thought. Fuck her  first, it added. Show her how dark the world can be. The other side of  me wanted to wrap her up and keep her safe and I hated being caught  between those two opposing sides.         

     



 

I knew I should take her home but I didn't do it. Instead I offered to  go with her to speak to her lost love. What the hell was wrong with me?

"Got them," she said, excitedly waving two tickets at me. We went back  outside to wait for the bus. "Have you ever made a deal with anyone  before?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Once or twice," I lied. I couldn't tell her this was a first for me, it  would make me look weak. You couldn't look weak, that was a cardinal  rule in my world.

"You're not going to go back on it, are you?"

"You go see him then we go home."

"But why are you doing this?"

I didn't answer her. I didn't know. All of a sudden an image of her on  her knees entered my head. Looking up at me with those innocent eyes of  hers as I made her beg me to take her. I couldn't shake the image  either. Her with her clothes torn half off, her hair a mess, her hands  clasped behind her back. I could feel my cock twitch at the thought of  it and I had to look away from her to make the image fade.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"I'm fine," I replied, my voice more strained than I liked to hear it. I  coughed then growled, my voice back to normal as I repeated, "I'm  fine."





TWELVE


ISABEL





I was glad when the bus pulled in. He'd been silent for ten minutes,  staring into the distance without saying a word. He seemed furious with  me though I wasn't sure why. I didn't say anything though. I worried  that if I did, he might go back on his deal and try and force me home.

I didn't really know what I was doing. Was going to see Ben a good idea?  What if his feelings for me had changed? He hadn't written for years,  just texted to admonish me each time I told him I loved him, told me to  sober up and get on with my life.

My life was at a crossroads. I knew that. Either go home, go see Ben, or  try and run. None of the options were great. I needed someone to tell  me what to do but there was no one. So when he'd agreed to take me to  Ben, it was like getting permission combined with being given a command.  I latched onto it like a grateful toddler.

I had spent most of my life not really knowing what I was doing. It was a  strange feeling. I had a father but I didn't feel like I had a family. I  had friends but I didn't feel as if anyone really knew me. I'd been so  angry at the hired goon for telling me I couldn't cope in the real  world, not because he was wrong, but because he was right.

It was like he'd seen straight through to the heart of me and I didn't  like that feeling. No one was supposed to see that deeply into me, that  was the whole point of keeping my true feelings hidden.

I had felt for years like I was treading water, that if I didn't keep  focussed on the things I thought were important, I might start to sink.  I'd see the real me, the vulnerable little girl who just wanted to be  loved and protected. Was that why I was still so obsessed with him? Was  that why I was travelling to him? To try and get that feeling back, that  feeling of being safe. It had been a very long time since I'd felt  safe. Knowing I was supposed to marry the son of a gangster didn't  exactly help with that.

I could sneak away, of course. I could wait for the opportune moment as  Jack Sparrow once said. Or I could try to persuade him not to take me  back. But there was still that voice in the back of my mind that told me  I could trust this man. For all his coldness, the bitterness that  radiated off him as he stood with his arms folded, staring into the  distance.

That trust didn't extend to making me want to sit with him though. It  was a long way to Gladwell and I had no intention of spending the  journey next to a man who so obviously hated me. I took a seat next to a  guy who had a friendly smile, nodding at him as I settled in, leaving  the goon to sit across the aisle from me, continuing to scowl into the  distance.

The bus rumbled into life a few minutes later and we set off, heading  off to make our way towards the motorway and then onwards. The last few  houses faded from view, replaced by rolling fields that made me sad to  think about the last time I'd seen them.

Me and the girls had taken a taxi from home to here, I recognised that  campsite too. We hadn't cared about the bill for glamping as we weren't  paying it. That was the one good thing about having a rich father, no  matter how cold and distant he was, he always picked up the tab.