Willa bit down on her hand, realizing it must have been torture for the men to leave one of their own behind.
“The helicopter took off without Kale and Lucky. Both were irretrievable.”
“Lucky was left behind?” Willa cried out.
“The squad had no choice; he was behind enemy lines. Train had his orders, and he had to think of the lives on that helicopter. He had his own team to protect, plus the remaining squad members.”
“What happened to Lucky?”
“The lucky bastard kept them chasing him for an hour. They got close enough to shoot him three times, yet he kept managing to find hiding places for short periods of time. The last one got him in the back, but he managed to find cover between two rocks.”
“How did he get out?”
“Train defied orders and came back for him alone. He wasn’t allowed to fly for six months and was demoted for that stunt.” Shade’s hand tapped the glass that covered the medals. “He received these for saving those lives that day, but he won’t even look at them. I had them framed for him, though, because he deserved every damn one of them.”
Shade reached for the other medals, and he flicked one open and laid it on her lap. “He received this for saving a village when he was a pastor. He stayed behind because there were children he refused to leave. The children were sick and couldn’t be moved. The squad left him behind. The only one who stayed was Razer. He received a medal also.”#p#分页标题#e#
Shade laid another, bigger leather book on her lap which he flipped open. “He was given this for saving a U.S. envoy that was escorting food to a town that was slowly being starved to death. Only five men have been given this medal since it was made.”
The last leather book was set on her lap and contained nine different medals of various sizes with a larger one at the top. “Lucky was awarded the one at the top from the president. The rest are from the different states that contained the drug and firearms pipeline that Lucky busted while undercover as Pastor Dean.”
“Undercover?”
“Lucky was an ATF Special Agent.”
“He never told me.”
“Again, this is all confidential. Several of the sources he used could be killed if the wrong people found out where the information came from to make the arrests. He also was instrumental in finding several women who were kidnapped by a sex ring, and Lucky saved Lily’s life.
“What you are looking at, Willa, is Lucky’s life. He’s saved hundreds of lives and has made a difference in hundreds of others. He’s a fucking hero, but he can’t live with one fact.”
“What?” Willa choked out.
“That he can’t save them all.”
“He can’t honestly believe … No one has that power. Only God.” Willa’s fingers trembled as she held the proof that Lucky had tried, nearly at the cost of his own life, to do just that.
“Logically, Lucky knows that, but that’s what PTSD does to you—it fucks you up.”
“That’s why he can’t sleep.”
Shade stared directly at her. “Yes. It was better here at the clubhouse, but it’s becoming worse.”
“Because of me,” she stated, staring back at him. “Why?”
“I don’t know. You’d have to ask Lucky that question.”
“Why do you believe the PTSD is becoming worse?”
“The brothers and I kept Lucky physically active. We aggravated him so he’d come down to the gym to work out his aggression. We kept him busy with paperwork and errands. We also have initiations for the recruits, and we made sure he was always one picked to fight.”
“The women, also.” Willa bit her lip. “He used knives on them.”
“Not like you’re thinking, Willa. It’s not about cutting; it’s about trust. Lucky is a master with those things. He never makes a mistake with them.”
“You’d have to trust someone a lot to let them put a knife to your throat,” Willa said ruefully.
Shade pointed at the medals still sitting on her lap. “Do you really believe that the man who earned those medals could hurt a woman, especially one he loves enough to risk his sanity?”
“Do you think he knew it was going to be hard leaving The Last Riders?”
“Yes, it was hard for him when he was undercover, but building the cases kept him busy, and the parishioners.”
“He doesn’t have that now, and he walked away from the club.”
“Exactly.”
“I didn’t ask him to leave.”
Shade stood, taking the medals away from her and stacking them back into the cabinet before locking the drawer closed then locking the cabinet.