And it had all been a lie. A big, fat, fucking lie.
I don"t know how long I cried before soft arms cradled me.
“There, there, little lamb,” came the soft tones of Bambi. “You forget all about that nasty man.”
“He hurt me,” I said in a little lost voice. “Why? I was ready to give him my heart and my body.”
“He"s a man,” said my sister, her voice turning hard. “Men are all pigs. Trust me, I know.”
“But I thought Auric was different.” I hiccupped through my tears. “I thought he saw me as a person. I let him touch me, and I liked it. How could I like it, when all along he was planning to kill me?”
“I don"t know, little lamb. Are you sure he wanted to kill you?”
I pondered Bambi"s question, and my first impulse was to shout, “Yes, of course he did! I"m Satan"s child.” But then I started using my brain for something other than filler for my skull.
Now that I thought about it, Auric had been given plenty of opportunities to kill me, had he wanted to. Hell, I"d fallen asleep beside him. Could I have been any more vulnerable than that?
Bambi sensed the change in my mood. “What did you just think of, little sister?”
“Why didn"t he kill me?”
“Maybe he was waiting for the right moment.”
“That"s just it, Bee; he had plenty of opportunity, not to mention a holy sword, but he didn"t.
Why didn"t he kill me and earn back his wings?”
“I"ll deny it if you ever repeat this, but I"ve been around men a long time. I think he"s in love with you.” Bambi"s face soured at the word “love,” an emotion succubi used to their advantage but didn"t understand.
However, that answer, coming from my sister, of all people, floored me. Loved me? Could it be possible? Did I love him? It would certainly explain the pain that now engulfed me at his betrayal. Actually, it was the answer which made the most sense. I loved a fallen angel. And I"d thrown him out and told him never to come back.
The tears started rolling again.
“What?” asked Bambi with concern.
“I told the man I love to go away and never come back.”
Bambi laughed. “Oh, little lamb, you can"t get rid of him that easily.”
“What makes you say that?” I sniffled.
“I saw him lurking outside, keeping an eye on the building.”
My heart started beating again, only to stutter to an almost immediate halt. “He"s probably just waiting for a killer demon to show up, so he can do his good deed and go back to Heaven.”
Bambi just laughed again, and pulled me up from the floor. “Go have a shower while I make some coffee. You"ll want to look your best when he comes groveling back.”
Somehow I couldn"t picture Auric groveling to anyone, but a shower and a caffeine jolt sounded great.
My epiphany came in the shower.
I couldn"t let Auric love me, not if I loved him. As the daughter of Satan, I would never be welcomed into Heaven, whether I behaved or not; even though God was technically my uncle. If I got involved with Auric, by default, he"d be banned from Heaven, too. He"d never get his wings back and rejoin his comrades in paradise.
If I loved him, I had to let him go.
I didn"t cry as long this time; there was something about being noble and self-sacrificing that made one"s backbone stronger. I would help save Auric from himself and, in time, he would hopefully find a way to get back to Heaven that didn"t involve killing me. And maybe eventually, I"d find another man who made my knees turn to Jell-O, my heart beat faster, and whom my dad absolutely hated.
After crying a little more, I finally finished showering and then dressed somberly. Pleated, short, black and green plaid skirt; a black blouse unbuttoned far enough to show the black lace of my push-up bra; and sensible, black ballerina flats in case I needed to kick some assassin ass. I pulled and twisted my hair into a tight chignon into which I tucked my two long silver needles. I also put on my thigh sheaths and slid two enchanted daggers into them. My bar had a flamethrower under the counter, and more weapons in my office if I needed them. My most potent weapon–myself.
When I finally strutted into the kitchen, confidence restored, Bambi smiled and handed me a cup of coffee.
“There"s my ferocious lamb,” she said, smiling. For the world"s biggest slut, Bambi was an awesome big sister. And no, that wasn"t an insult; Bambi took pride in winning the title year after year.
“You ready to get your man back?” she asked.
“Nope. I"ve decided he"s better off without me. It"s the only way he"ll go back to Heaven.”