"That doesn't matter."
"And you're a much better man than me," Antony said, smiling sadly. "So I'll answer what you deflected. No, you couldn't. Go find your sweetheart, Lucian, and remember to sleep without worry. You've waited so long for her already. Why wait more?"
• • •
"What are you doing?"
The raspy, hoarse voice coming from only feet behind Jordyn made her jump. She nearly fell off the stool she was using to pull the shoe boxes down from the walk-in closet top shelf. Jordyn eyed Lucian from the side, trying to decide if she wanted to kick him from her spot for scaring her, or jump off the stool and kiss him. The terribly raw looking marks around his throat had tears prickling at the backs of her eyes, but she refused to cry.
"You sound awful."
"I feel awful," Lucian muttered, shooting a look up at the ceiling. "Cecelia keeps following me around and trying to make me drink tea. I hate tea."
"It might help," Jordyn suggested.
"Yeah, and so will the pills I just choked back. I'm not drinking tea."
Jordyn huffed, already annoyed at his stubbornness. "Did you go to the hospital?"
"I refused medical treatment. I'm fine."
"You sound like it," she replied sarcastically. "Sound like a smoker edging on thirty years and a two pack a day habit. You should drink the tea, Lucian."
Lucian stared at her, totally unaffected. "Is this your way of being angry with me? Badger the fuck out of me until I grovel?"
Finally, Jordyn stepped off the stool. "Why would I be angry with you?"
"Well, aside from nearly getting myself killed, you had to stand there and watch it. I don't imagine that was particularly fun, Jordyn."
"It wasn't."
Boy, was that an understatement.
"But you're here, so that's what matters to me," Jordyn added with a small smile. "How did it go with the detectives?"
"Terribly. I can almost bet my life I'll have a pair of new best friends following me around in an unmarked car for months. Bastards." Lucian nodded at the shoe boxes Jordyn was digging through before he came into the bedroom. "What were you doing?"
"Looking for dress shoes to match your suit."
"Why?"
"Church tomorrow. You can't wear what you did tonight, and your shoes have blood all over them. I was looking for another pair."
"Doesn't matter. They took my shoes and tux as evidence anyway." Lucian chuckled, rubbing at his forehead. "Besides, we don't have to go to church tomorrow."
"Yes, we do. I have clothes I brought over while I was staying here on and off. You have stuff here to wear. I don't see why not."
"Because I have no interest in waking up early and going to that place."
Jordyn's hands met her hips. "I do, and we're going."
Lucian sighed, the sound almost painful. If she wanted to go to church, they would go. "Fine. Don't bother looking through those boxes anymore tonight; I wear the same size as my father. Can we go to bed?"
"No," Jordyn replied softly.
"Why? I'm tired, bella mia. I want you, and a bed. That's all."
Jordyn understood that, but she could see there was tension tightening his broad shoulders. It was a clear sign he wouldn't actually sleep at all, but instead, sit and stew over all the things on his mind.
"Talk to me, Lucian."
Lucian frowned, not meeting her gaze. "I don't have anything to say right now."
"Don't you?"
"Do you know?" Lucian asked back.
"I kind of put some of it together," Jordyn admitted. "Antony's phone calls after he made Cecelia leave the office helped, too. Then, he questioned me up and down about every conversation I ever had with Kate. I think it's kind of obvious."
"But do you know why?"
Jordyn shook her head. "No, but I'd like to."
"I'd rather you didn't," Lucian said hoarsely. "I don't want you thinking my choices regarding us are tied up in that woman, or anything else from my past."
It was just another confusing thing to add to the pile of vagueness Jordyn was getting tired of.
"That might help if it made sense," Jordyn responded drily.
Lucian sucked in a harsh breath, meeting her stare head on. "Do you know what went through my mind in that elevator?"
Jordyn couldn't hide her flinch. "Lucian … "
"That my life wasn't finished, and there were things I hadn't done yet I wanted to. Things I hadn't considered before. I was … I don't know … twenty seconds off from being choked unconscious and all I could think about for those few moments was that I wanted to marry you."
Jordyn stepped backwards at that admission, stumbling into the stool. "What?"
"Not tonight. That's not a proposal. When I do ask you that, I'll have a ring and I won't sound like I just swallowed a fucking wasp. But eventually, sometime, I want that with you. Maybe I'll ask in a week, or maybe it'll be a couple months. Maybe it'll be a year. I don't know, I just knew I would. And children," he stated like it was an afterthought. "Those, too. With you, I mean."
Jordyn felt her brow rise on its own accord. "That's what you thought about?"
Marriage and babies. Huh.
"I'm pretty straightforward with things I need and want. You're one of them. It seems like the next best logical step to cement my decisions. That's how I look at it, anyway."
Marriage …
And babies.
Jordyn blinked at the man across from her. "With me?"
"Does that scare you?" Lucian asked. "Because I thought I made it clear how completely infatuated and in love with you I am. If I haven't, I certainly hope this clears it up."
"No, I'm aware."
So much more than aware, really.
"Good. Do you not want me to ask … you know, eventually?"
Jordyn's lungs froze, painfully so. "I think that should just happen when it happens, and you don't need my opinion on it until you're ready to ask."
Lucian nodded, his expression pensive. "I agree with that."
"I still don't understand what this has to do with Kate."
"Remember, I wanted this with you before, okay?"
"Okay," Jordyn echoed.
"I had to be married or have produced one child before I turned thirty for my children to be able to receive the money my biological father left for his possible future grandchildren in trust. If I didn't, Kate would receive the money instead."
Well, Jordyn understood why he wanted her to know his thoughts in the elevator before this, now.
"You've known this how long?"
Lucian glanced at his watch. "About twenty minutes. It's still sinking in, I think. I'm not usually this slow on the ball."
"You didn't know at all before?" she pressed.
"No. That was … uh, one of his requests, I guess. That I make my choices for love and marriage because it was what I wanted to do, not what others wanted for me. Odd, isn't it?"
Jordyn snorted low. "Is odd how you really feel about it?"
"No," Lucian said again. "I'm incredibly sad I can't thank him for caring about children who don't even exist yet, and that I hadn't even thought about until I fell in love with you. That's kind of how I feel. And angry at Kate, but she's like she always was … unimportant. To this, anyway."
Jordyn glanced past him to the bed. She was beginning to think like Lucian. Really, the conversation was better suited for another day when things weren't so … raw. "Sleep sounds nice right now."
"It does," Lucian agreed faintly. "It's been a long day."
Jordyn waited while Lucian left the sanctuary of the bedroom to shower. By the time he was back, she had herbal tea sweetened with honey waiting from his mother, and he didn't argue before downing the hot liquid, disgust twisting his mouth into a grimace.
Lucian sat at the end of the bed, his lower half wrapped in a towel while Jordyn pulled off her clothes and searched for one of his old T-shirts to wear to bed. She couldn't help but notice how silent and somber he seemed staring at the wall, like he was somewhere else completely. It wasn't as if she blamed him. The information he learned tonight must have been a lot to take in, not to mention the choices that came along with it all.
Beyond that, there was also Kate and what she'd done to him. Sure, the woman was vile. She caused Lucian more than enough pain and heartache over the years, but it was easy to understand how people could mark that down to jealousy and anger. Who really would have thought she could have gone this far?
It was kind of devastating.
Jordyn had a sneaking suspicion they wouldn't have to worry about Kate anymore after tonight. She'd heard the call Antony made about that, too. She didn't even care. The woman had hurt the one person Jordyn loved in the entire world over and over again. She tried her hardest to beat Lucian down with words and shame for years simply because he was a physical reminder of a man who never loved her. When that didn't work, she turned to something with a little more viciousness, even if she would have gained from it. What Kate would get for her choices was exactly what she deserved as far as Jordyn was concerned.