Lucian (Filthy Marcellos #1)(20)

When it was healed, the tattoo would be replaced by puckered, new, scarred skin.

Staring at the bandage, Jordyn traced softly over the spot. She didn't hear Lucian open the bedroom door until his voice was behind her.

"Did you love him?" he asked.

Jordyn released a heavy breath. "Jesus, you scared me."

"You closed the door. I was worried."

"Someday, you're going to have to get over that. I'm not going to be in your sight all the time, Lucian. I can't stay locked in this apartment forever, as safe as it is."

"But not today," Lucian replied, meeting her gaze in the mirror. "And you didn't answer my question. Did you love him?"

Jordyn was acutely aware of the fact she was dressed in nothing but her undergarments, but Lucian didn't seem to act like he noticed. Still, when she grabbed for the loose fitting T-shirt she tossed to the bed earlier, he was there at her side in a flash, holding her wrist to stop her.

"Did you, Jordyn?"

"Does it matter?" she asked.

"I don't know if it makes a difference either way," Lucian admitted. "I'm well aware of where he is and how long he's been that way. But I'm curious."

"Why are you asking, then, if it doesn't make a difference?"

"I want to know where he stands with you."

"With me," Jordyn repeated.

"Mmm. In here," Lucian said, reaching up to tap her temple before moving down to point at her heart. "And here, too."

"You seem to know a lot about me without having to ask, Lucian."

A sly smile crept over his lips. "Does that bother you?"

"No, but it makes me curious."

"My father did a background check, a very in-depth one. I wasn't happy about it at first, but I wasn't aware until after he'd done it and brought it to my attention. So yes, I know a lot about you, but I don't know you, sweetheart. Therein lies the difference."

Honesty was the best policy, after all, but Jesus.

Really?

"And that's just what, normal procedure for your family?" she asked sharply.

"No one in our lives go untouched in some way. Especially people who may be involved with the son of a major crime boss. There's a dynasty at our fingertips, and it isn't open to everyone. It's not my place to tell my father what he can or can't do, not that it would change his decisions if I tried."

That really didn't make her feel better. "Am I the kind of people he tends to keep away?"



       
         
       
        

Lucian's laughter was a deep rumble that did something wicked to Jordyn's insides. "No. You're the kind of person who made his son lose his mind for a week. The kind of girl that distracts his capo from doing his job, keeps him from sleeping even less than he already does, and takes his focus off his family. That isn't the kind of people my father keeps away, but you are the kind of woman he wants to know about. Know exactly why you do those things to his son. Understand?"

Kind of, as odd as it was.

"So you know everything about me?"

Lucian nodded. "Mostly. Fact wise, anyway."

"That's not fair," Jordyn murmured.

"What isn't?"

"This. Us. I know practically nothing about you."

"You know more than most," Lucian replied. "You know what I am, what I do. You've met my brothers, my mother. You know I'm adopted. I've had you sleeping in the next room for thirteen nights and I haven't tried to fuck you once. I've had many women, but I never let a woman sleep in one of my beds until morning. For the sake of honesty, though, I do think about sleeping with you quite often. Or at least, I wonder what kind of a lover you are because I want you to be mine."

Oh God. That did not help.

"You were in bed with me the other night."

"Not for the intent to have sex with you. I wanted to calm you even though you were trying to act like the nightmares weren't bothering you as badly as they were."

"You kissed me."

Lucan smirked. "First time for everything, I suppose."

Jordyn stood a little straighter at that comment. "Are you saying that was-"

"For me? Yes."

"But you're twenty-seven. You said it yourself, you've had plenty. That doesn't even make sense. You can have sex with someone, but not kiss them?"

"Kissing is affectionate," Lucian said quietly, his mouth drawing a thin line. "I didn't have affection for the women I took to bed."

"Sex is affectionate," Jordyn challenged.

"Not always. Sex is a need, a desire. Something that doesn't have to have feelings behind it to be acted out. Attraction is not the same thing as affection."

"You just said you thought about me being your lover, but you kissed me. Is that not the same for you as being with someone else? Were they not lovers, too?"

"No," Lucian said again. "I didn't attempt to have relationships. I was honest from the beginning of what I expected once it was finished."

"You make it sound like a business arrangement." 

Lucian shrugged. "If that's how you want to see it, go ahead."

"What's a lover to you, then?" Jordyn asked, curious.

"Someone who is able to gain my desire and affection."

And kiss, Jordyn thought wirily.

Sometimes Lucian's vagueness wasn't as foggy as he thought it was.

"Now, quit stalling. Tell me, did you love him?"

"Gabe was my best friend. He cared about me, watched out for me, and protected me. He gave me a lot of first experiences in a safe way with a familiar person I trusted. At the same time, he grew up with the expectations of being a man who could have whoever he wanted, whenever he wanted her while his girl at home just waited for him to come back when he was ready. I didn't try to change that belief of his, but even being young like I was, it kept me from handing over everything to him."

"Like your heart," Lucian said.

"Exactly. So your answer, Lucian, is no. I didn't love Gabe in a romantic way because he'd scattered pieces of himself with many girls, and I wanted to be the only girl."

"Is that something you need?"

Jordyn smiled, thinking about his words to her when she'd woken up the first time after her attack. "Yeah, that's something I need."





Chapter Ten





Lucian circled behind Jordyn, catching her gaze in the mirror he'd caught her staring into when he first came in the bedroom. "What were you doing before I came in? I'm sorry for interrupting, but I was worried."

"You're not sorry," Jordyn joked.

"Deflecting."

Her pretty blue eyes rolled. "If I asked you to leave it alone and let me get dressed again, would you?"

Not now. "Tell me."

"Taking inventory, I guess," Jordyn answered.

Lucian's brow furrowed. "Of what?"

She waved at the mirror. The only thing in it was her reflection, and now his behind her. Lucian was very aware of the lack of clothing she wore, never mind the sexy lace ensemble covering the parts he'd like to see the most. But, he took a special effort to keep his attentions on all of her, and not certain parts of her. Jordyn deserved more than a simple once-over, regardless of what his cock thought.

And that goddamn part of his body seemed to be thinking a lot lately. So much so he could barely sleep.

"Jesus, can't you see?" Jordyn asked.

"I see you. What do you see?"

She tossed him a look someone might give to a misbehaving child. "Lucian."

"Sweetheart, we just had a discussion about my sex life, my lack of relationships, and the confusing mess we're in. I've seen you without clothes. I'm standing behind you while you're wearing practically nothing at all right now. So yes, when I say that I see you, that is exactly what I see, Jordyn. Something beautiful, which was what I thought of you the very first time I met you."

"And the cuts, bruising, and swelling, right? Do you find those beautiful, too?"

Lucian felt his spine straighten. "They don't bother me."

"That's not what I asked, Lucian."

"I know, but the fact still remains, they don't bother me. They'll heal. They already are."

"But  … " Jordyn trailed off, glancing back to the mirror and chewing on the inside of her cheek. "It looks awful. I look awful. I'm not a vain girl, I never was. And right now, all I can think is how terrible he made me look. Was that what he wanted to do, ruin me? It doesn't seem to matter some of them are fading and the infection is staying away  …  it still looks bad. That's all I can see. This isn't beautiful."



       
         
       
        

"He didn't ruin you," Lucian said, surprised at the sharp tone he took on. Even Jordyn seemed shocked at his sudden change in demeanor. "God, don't let that fucking-"

Lucian clenched his teeth, forcing himself to stop talking and think for a moment. Jordyn's eyes had dropped from holding his in the mirror to staring at her feet. He couldn't have that. Not this strong, beautiful woman who seemed to have him tangled up in a million ways he'd never experienced before.