She looks between Lane and me, unable to hide her uncertainty. “Thank you for the invitation, but I’m not sure that I’d be very welcome.”
“You will be,” Lane assures. “Luke’s family doesn’t just open up their home, they open up their hearts.”
LOIS
I have the greatest boyfriend in the world, and I don’t just say that because I’ve experienced both ends of the spectrum. I say it because it’s true, because there aren’t many guys around who are willing to sacrifice so much not just for me, but for his family. Who has a heart larger than the world, who spreads his love as if it’s never-ending, and maybe with him, it is. “Go long,” Luke shouts, football in his hand. The twins run farther away from him, shoving each other and laughing as they do.
“Luke’s got a good arm,” Misty says, joining the “grown-ups” and me at the table while Tom works on the grill close by. “He ever play?”
“He’s played everything and been good, too,” I tell her. “But when he started to get scouted by colleges for track, he cut out the rest and focused on that.”
“Has he made a decision about UNC yet?”
I shake my head.
Tom says, “You know Luke. He does everything in his own time.” It’s true. He does.
“All these kids are yours?” Vivian asks Tom.
“All but that one,” he says, pointing to Cameron sitting under a tree, Lucy in his arms. “I unofficially adopted him when he was fifteen. Eats all my food, takes up all my daughter’s time.”
“But they’re married now,” Dad says, doing his best not to make Vivian feel like an outsider. But it’s hard for him. I can tell. He carries a lot more hate than Luke does, he’s just a lot better at hiding it. “So now he’s Lucy’s problem.”
Tom chuckles at Dad’s comment, then levels his features. “I don’t think I could’ve asked for a better boy for my only daughter. He’s been her strength when I couldn’t be.”
Dad smiles, clinks his beer with Tom’s. “I know that feeling.”
I look over at Luke, now wrestling on the ground with Lachlan and the twins while Logan approaches, water pistol filled and aimed. Lachlan sees him, stands up, his arms crossed. He shouts, “No guns around Laney!” and swiftly takes it from Logan, throws it as far as his little arm can. My heart sinks and Logan looks over at me. “Sorry,” he mouths. I shake my head. It’s fine. And also really, really sweet. Luke’s alarm goes off on his phone sitting on the table, and I call out to him. He approaches quickly, picking up Lachlan on the way. I show him his phone and he kisses my cheek, gives Lachlan to Misty. He runs to his truck and returns a few seconds later with his backpack. Then he sits next to me, his little notepad and all my pill bottles set out in front of him. I get a napkin, place it between us while he goes through his notes, sets out my meds. I don’t take as many painkillers as I used to, but they made me groggy, unaware, and when Luke noticed, he made it his mission to take over. He places four pills, all different colors, on the napkin and slides it over to me along with a glass of water. “Wait,” he says, checks his notes again, “Yeah, it’s right. Go ahead.”
I down the pills, notice Vivian watching me, sadness, sorrow and regret unmasked in her features. “The medication you need—it’s all covered by insurance, right?”
I nod. “As long as we get them from the hospital pharmacy, it’s covered.”
“Is it a hassle for you to go there? Is there a different pharmacy that—”
“It’s no problem,” Luke cuts in, offers her a heart-stopping smile. “The service there is better anyway.”
I squeeze Vivian’s hand resting on the table. “Please don’t worry,” I say, my voice low, words only for her. “I’m doing well. I’m happy.”
“Good, Lois.” She holds back her tears. “That’s all I want.”
“And you?” I ask. “Are you happy?”
She looks around, takes in the joy that only the Preston family can bring. “I’m getting there.”
Later in bed, Luke massages my injured leg. “So you and Vivian got pretty close, huh?”
“Yeah, we did.”
“Even before Charlotte?” he asks. “It just seems like it was more than just a week spent in a hospital, but if you don’t want to talk about it, I understand.”
I watch him a moment, watch him focus on my leg and not much else, and I wonder how much to tell him, wonder which parts will be too much for him to handle. “We spent a lot of long nights cleaning each other up after…” After the Kennedy men did their damage.
Luke nods, his hands slowing, his throat bobbing with his swallow.
“But in Charlotte, it was different. We didn’t have to whisper or tip toe around our feelings. They weren’t there so we could be open about everything. I told her about you.”
He looks up now, his eyes meeting mine.
“I pretty much spent the entire week telling her about you and me, how we met, your family. It was the only thing that could cheer me up, take my mind off everything that was happening.”
“What did you tell her about me?”
“I told her that you were a man of strength and honor and sacrifice. I said that I’d been in love with you since we were eleven, since I saw you coming down your porch steps in your Superman t-shirt and your glasses. And I said that I made a mistake keeping my feelings for you a secret for so long.” A smile tugs on my lips and I try to restrain it, but I can’t. Because Luke’s looking at me in a way I spent years hoping he would—as if the world begins and ends right where our hearts connect.
He stops massaging my legs, lies down beside me and kisses me once. “And what did she say to that?”
“She convinced me to go home, to not hold back my feelings anymore, to let you love me and to love you back. And now we do. We love hard, love fierce, and love right. And we’re learning, Luke. Always learning.”
Chapter Forty
LOIS
I’m finally off the crutches (yay)!
But I’m still doing rehab (boo)!
And I’m still limping around (bigger boo)!
The therapists at the rehab clinic say that it may always be the case, at least a slight limp, because of exactly where the bullet went through my knee. But my hip is better—I shouldn’t feel any long-term damage from that. Also, I’m seeing a different type of therapist once a week. Well, Luke and I see her together. It kind of happened by accident. Logan and I were in the store, and a woman stopped him in front of the cereal aisle and asked him how he was doing, said she hadn’t seen him in a while. Swear, I thought Logan was going through some weird milf phase, and I almost shouted “Pedophile Alert!” It turns out she was his therapist. At least, that’s how he introduced Lily to me, his gaze lowered, cheeks red. He was embarrassed, I could tell. He told me later that after the shooting, he had seen her quite a bit. I didn’t know that it had affected him as much as it did, and we spent most of the afternoon talking about it. “It helps to talk,” he said. “Even if nothing feels resolved, getting it out there makes a huge difference.”
I asked for her number, made an appointment to see her the following week. At first, it was to show that Logan had nothing to feel embarrassed about, but he was right, getting it out there helps so much. “I’ve been having these dreams,” I told Lily in the first session, Luke next to me, holding my hand. “They aren’t morbid like Luke’s, but they’re not really dreams, either. They’re more like visions. Like flashbacks.”
“Of the shooting?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Of the things he did to me before that.”
Luke squeezed my hand tighter, not out of comfort, but from anger.
I told Lily, a sob caught in my throat, “I have trouble understanding how it is I let myself get into that situation. I’ve always thought of myself as a confident person, strong-willed and determined.” I let the tears fall, and Luke put his arms around me, kissed my temple. “I don’t know how I became so weak around him. How I let him do those things, how I let it—”
“It’s not your fault,” Luke cut in.
Lily raised her hand, smiled at him. “It’s extremely important for Lois to get this out.” And it was. It was exactly what Logan said. Talking helps. So I told her more about how I felt, not so much about the beatings or the shooting, but how I felt about me. Luke listened, and he learned. Always learning. And at the end, I said, “And I think it’s important for Lucas to be here so he can hear it all, so he can deal with his feelings about what happened. I worry that he’ll carry that anger, that fear, for longer than necessary. And I want us to help each other deal with those feelings.”
Lily looked at Luke, then at me, back to him. He sighed. “I try hard not to show my anger to Lane—Lois— because I don’t want her to think she’s done anything wrong, but at the same time, my anger is justified. That asshole did horrible things to someone I love, multiple times, and I’m not going to apologize for the way he makes me feel.”