Only they don’t. Not anymore. I mean, sure I still want to be a doctor. But I was using studying as a coping mechanism. It was my way of keeping myself away from dating, away from opening up my heart to a man because I didn’t know how to do it. And now that I’ve had a taste of it, that means more to me than anything. Nate means more to me.
“And well, we’d have to kick you out basically allllll weekend, if you know what I mean,” she says with a giggle.
Suddenly I feel the need to get away from this topic. And fast. I don’t think I can handle it anymore.
“Is it okay if I study? I’m a little behind in my readings. One of my professors assigned more over break,” I say, leaning to grab a book. I don’t even know which, but I open it up.
“What an asshole!” Renee says, and I just nod.
I hope that’s the end of it, but like I said, I’m not good at hiding things from Renee. She waits until we’re sitting together for lunch though before she springs it. It’s just a burger joint, but it’s got those hard plastic booths, and she picks one that’s far away enough to give us some privacy and so there’s nowhere to look but at each other. I guess she wanted to make sure she could see my face.
“Something’s bothering you,” she declares, slurping her strawberry milkshake. “Come on. Out with it.”
I start protesting, but she waves a fry at me.
“Come on. I know you Emilia. We’ve been best friends now for almost three years. I can tell when you’re sad. Please tell me what’s going on.”
I look at her. I do feel terrible about keeping it a secret. I wish there was some way I could tell her the truth, because I know that Renee would have the answers. I try and shake my head instead.
“It’s not. It’s not important,” I settle on at last. “I mean, it was, but now it’s all over with.”
She looks puzzled and I try to figure out how I could tell her without telling her.
“Remember that guy I met the first night we arrived?”
“The mysterious one? The one you gave your v card to and then never saw again?” she says. “That guy?”
“Yes, that one. Well, I wasn’t completely honest when I said I didn’t know anything about him. I had his address on my phone from when I had to Google my way back to the hotel. He doesn’t live too far, a few blocks maybe? So one day, when you were out with Sebastian, I sort of, went by the neighborhood.”
Renee’s mouth drops open.
“You didn’t!” she says.
“I know right? Totally out of character for me. But yeah, I decided to go, and ‘let the universe decide’ as you put it. And it worked. I bumped into him at a coffee shop.”
Renee grabs my hand, a smile on her face.
“But Em, that’s fantastic!” she says. “Oh, I’m so so sorry that I’ve been so wrapped up in Sebastian that you couldn’t even tell me about this. I feel like a terrible friend.”
“It’s okay,” I hurry to tell her. It’s not her fault at all. I was happy after all to let her be distracted from her father and I. “You guys had something special. I’m not mad at you for getting wrapped up in it at all.”
“Continue,” she says to me.
I take a sip of my own chocolate milkshake, trying to figure out how much I could tell her.
“Well, we talked a bit. And, and we did a bit more than talking,” I say with a blush. Renee gives me a huge grin. “And then we did a bit more.”
“Oh man,” she says. “Look at you Em! I love this new you!”
“Not so fast,” I tell her. “The thing about him is, he’s older. I mean, he’s got a kid I think. I just... I don’t know if my parents and everyone else would be able to accept him. So I figured it would be better if things just ended. I mean, we’re living so far apart it felt like a good way to finish things off. And you know how it is. Kids don’t always like it when their parents start dating again. What if it comes down to choosing between her and I? I mean, your parents are divorced. Would you like it if they started dating?”
She ponders the question, her brow furrowed. She’s thinking so long that I start panicking, thinking that maybe she’s put two and two together.
“I think that’s more like a little kid thing. If you asked me when I was ten? Yeah, I would definitely be pissed. But now, I’m not so sure. I see how my parents are, and I know that they aren’t a good fit for each other. I understand why they got a divorce. So it’s not like I’m hoping maybe they’ll get back together like I did when I was little. But if my dad dated someone my age, I think I would be a little weirded out. I’d probably get over it if they were truly happy together though.”