“What’s Joe’s bar?” I wondered out loud. I wasn’t sure if I was speaking to him, to myself, or to those damn butterflies ripping my insides to shreds.
“A…bar?” He voice raised an octave before he laughed. “My band and I are performing at ten. You should come. I think you’ll like it.” He proceeded to give me argumentatively the kindest smile in the world. It was so gentle that it made me cough nervously and choke on air.
He held his hand up to me and smiled as he waved goodbye. With that, he closed his taxi door and he went his own way.
“Bye,” I whispered, watching the car pull off. I didn’t look away until it rounded the corner out of the lot and went far, far away. I looked down to my book clenched in my hands and smiled. I was going to start from the beginning again.
Gabby would have loved this weird, awkward moment.
I just knew it.
I’m not going to look back,
I’m not going to cry.
I’m not going to even ask you why.
~ Romeo’s Quest
The engine in Henry’s 1998 yellow, rusted pickup truck roared like it was going to explode as he pulled up to the Amtrak station. The station was packed with families traveling, people hugging and crying and laughing. People were diving into the art of human connection.
It all made me uncomfortable.
I sat on top of my suitcase with Gabby’s wooden box in my lap. Running my fingers through my hair, I hoped to avoid the same connections that the rest of the world seemed in search of.
I was melting away in the black thigh-length dress I was wearing, and the night heat of the Wisconsin air crept up unwelcome under my legs. I was burning my butt off in the late night, but I hadn’t thought I would actually have to wait over an hour for Henry to pick me up. I should have known better, but alas. Sometimes I wondered if I would ever learn.
I waited for Henry to inch closer to the curb. His front tire rolled over an empty water bottle. I watched as the plastic bottle quivered under the pressure of the wheel and the cap popped off, flying across the sidewalk, landing against my foot. Pushing myself off my vintage floral case Mom had given me for my sixteenth birthday, I clicked the button and yanked the handle up, rolling the suitcase to the truck.
Ugh, does his car have to be so loud?
Henry hopped out of the car and walked around the front to greet me. His forest-green shirt was halfway tucked into his belted blue jeans. His left shoe was untied, and I could smell the small scent of tobacco resting against his beard, but for the most part, he looked good.
For a split second, he struggled with the idea of hugging me and longing to experience that same human connection the other people surrounding us were undertaking, but he changed his mind after watching me shift around in my heels.
A short chuckle left his lips. “Who wears a dress and high heels on a train?”
“They were Gabby’s favorite.”
The silence grew solid, and the swelling tide of memories started to fill my mind. Henry was probably remembering, too. Different memories of the same extraordinary girl.
“Is that all you have?” he asked, pointing toward my life that lived inside the suitcase. I didn’t reply. What a stupid question. Clearly that was everything. “Let me get that—” He stepped forward to grab for it and I hesitated.
“I got it.”
He sighed, running his hand through his peppered beard. He looked older than he should, but I imagined regret and guilt could do that to a person. “Okay.”
I tossed the suitcase into the back of his truck and walked to the passenger’s seat to climb in. Yanking at the door, I rolled my eyes. I shouldn’t have been surprised that his crap was broken down—Henry was a pro at broken and screwed up.
“Sorry, kiddo. That door has been giving me a bit of trouble. You can climb in from my side.”
My eyes effortlessly revolved again, and I walked to the driver’s seat, climbing in, hoping not to flash the passing cars with my underwear.
We drove in silence, and I imagined that this was what my next few months would be like. Awkward silences. Weird interactions. Odd crossings. Henry might have been the guy on my birth certificate, but when it came to being my father, he wasn’t known for his ability to show up.
“Sorry about the heat. The damn air conditioner went out last weekend. I didn’t expect this type of heat here. Did you know it’s supposed to get close to the hundreds later this week? Damn global warming,” Henry stated. I didn’t reply, so I guess he took it as an invite to keep talking. It wasn’t an invite of any sort. I really wished he wouldn’t try for the small talk. I hated small talk. “Gabby said you were working on a book, eh? I was able to get you into advanced English with a great teacher. I know people say that we hire the best of the best, but to be honest, there just happens to be a few dull nuts floating around.” He chuckled to himself.