Feeling like a guilty but unrepentant sinner, she took Jack's hand and they walked to her dorm. When they entered the lobby several people waved to her and several pairs of eyebrows rose at the sight of the man at the end of her arm. Grace really hoped he would ask to come inside for a while, maybe even stay the night. Jessie was staying with her boyfriend, so she wouldn't be back tonight.
Grace was fiddling with her keys and leaning against the door. Jack moved in close and stroked her cheek. "Do you forgive me for that bean counting shit earlier? It was a bad way to start a friendship."
He'd said friendship, not relationship. Her heart plummeted but she smiled through it. "It's already forgotten. Don't you worry your pretty head about it."
She tried to joke and reached up to touch his face the way he was stroking hers. He was close, his caress too intimate to be coming from a friend. What they'd just done on his car didn't feel friendly to her, but what did she expect? She'd given him the green light within a few hours of them meeting. Suddenly she was feeling nauseous. Fuck! She didn't want to be his friend!
"I . . . I need to tell you something. I like you, Gracie." There it was. He said he liked her. And he called her Gracie as he had when he'd upset her at the diner earlier. It's as if the don't-be-mad-at me nickname used to soften a blow. She hated it. Grace looked down at the keys in her hands. She didn't need to look into his eyes when he blew her off.
"I like you a lot actually. What we just shared, well that was fucking amazing. So I want you to hear this from me." Jack ran his fingers down her arm and took her hand, linking their fingers. He hesitated then, rubbing his thumb over the pulse point at her wrist. Her heart was pounding. Christ, what was the big secret? Did he have a girlfriend? Shit! Why didn't she ask that question earlier? Look at the man! Of course he has a girlfriend!
"Can we step inside?" he asked. "I'd like a little privacy." Grace blinked rapidly and turned to unlock the door. Jack was so close to her back his breath was teasing the hair at the nape of her neck. This wasn't how she'd envisioned inviting her into him room. There was an air of impending doom. Once inside she offered him a seat at her desk but he declined, so she sat there instead while she waited for the other shoe to drop.
It was insane that a man she'd only met tonight had her guts in knots. She tried to remind herself that he was a stranger and whatever he had to say shouldn't matter this much. But from the moment he'd taken her hand, Grace had felt like they would be connected forever. She never would have had sex with him if her heart hadn't been so sure he was special.
He went to one knee in front of her so they were eye to eye and rested a hand on her knee. "I'm hoping you can be open-minded."
"Just tell me, Jack." She laid her hand over his on her knee.
"I'm bi," he admitted. The statement fell heavily between them like stone.
Wait. What? Her mind struggled to absorb those two little words. He couldn't mean what she thought he meant. The man before her gave no hint of being anything other than a lady's man. He was masculine in every way. She'd just received a firsthand demonstration of exactly how masculine he could be. Grace instantly felt horrible for stereotyping. It was wrong in the extreme. Still she just couldn't imagine Jack with another man.
So she asked, "By what?"
"I'm bi-sexual, Grace. I tend to prefer men, honestly."
He was quiet for a moment while that sunk in. She couldn't respond at first. What could she say? She wasn't sure what was happening. Did he want her or not? Could she handle a relationship with a bi-sexual man? The idea swam around her brain a few times.
"Say something." He looked anxious. "I don't know what it is about you, Gracie, but I want you. I've never had a problem announcing my sexual orientation before. Fuck! It's like I don't want to disappoint you or something. Can you deal with this?"
She cleared her throat. "To be clear, are you talking about starting a relationship here? A relationship between you and me, or were you just looking to scratch an itch? I can deal with you being bi-sexual." At that he took a deep breath, looking relieved. She continued. "I'm heterosexual. I only like men, but I don't run around sleeping with every man I find." She blushed. "You wouldn't know that by my behavior tonight. I'm hetero and I'm also monogamous. I might have slept with you but I'm also not seeing anyone at the moment. I don't share."
She knew then, when she started to imagine them as a couple, even after he'd shocked her with his news that she could deal with his sexual orientation. As long as he was faithful as she would be. She took a deep breath before asking the question that was burning a hole in her throat.
"Are you seeing anyone now?"
He paled and nodded, "I'm dating a few people but no one exclusively. I've never been exclusive with anyone. Ever." She took that in. This wasn't looking good for her. She yanked all of her scattered thoughts back into line.
"If you're suggesting a one on one relationship then we can talk about this. But if you're looking for random sex whenever a female strikes your fancy, then I'm not interested."
Jacks eyes widened. "I've never . . . you know, been in a relationship with a woman. I've fucked women." The crudeness of his honest thoughts on the women he'd slept with shocked her and it must have shown on her face. She was just another fuck. Outside he'd said, "I wanna fuck you hard against this car." And she had agreed.
"Shit, I'm making a mess of this. I don't know what I want. I've never considered an exclusive relationship with anyone, because I knew I couldn't be faithful. I don't know if any single woman or man could satisfy me at this point in my life."
"Then what the fuck was that outside?" She was losing her temper but it really wasn't him she was angry with. Grace was furious with herself for being such an idiot. "You seemed pretty satisfied to me. I don't really know what to think here, Jack. Why did you bother coming in to tell me this?" She stood up and walked to the window. Looking at him was making her chest ache. Why did she have to do this head-over-heels shit now, with him? "What do you want if not a relationship?"
"I just told you I don't know what I want! All I know is I met this awesome lady tonight, okay? She's smart and funny. She's so damn sexy I couldn't keep my hands to myself. I wanted to tell you in the car. But I just couldn't get it out."
Now she knew what his strange behavior had been about. "I figured none of it mattered if we didn't have serious chemistry. So I kissed you to see what would happen. I was testing my own reaction to your sweetness, I guess. I'm not used to the timid brainy type." She stiffened. "I didn't mean that in a bad way. I'm just saying you're not my usual type, that's all. Then you fucking took over and I lost it! I'm used to being the aggressor. I'm always in control, Grace, always. I set the pace in my bed. But you grabbed me by the hair and took what you needed. It was so fucking hot. I needed you. I just . . . I needed you."
Jack wrapped his arms around her from behind and kissed her neck. "I'm sorry, okay? I haven't reacted to anyone that way, male or female in a long time, maybe not ever. But I know I'm not ready for a one on one relationship. Not yet, anyway."
Grace turned in his arms and hugged him back. This could go no further and it hurt far more than it should.
"That really sucks. Because it sounds like you can't give me what I need either." He looked into her eyes and saw the truth of her statement. He wasn't ready for a monogamous relationship. She had to give him credit for putting it out there right up front, but she couldn't be his go-to girlfriend when the need for female companionship struck him.
Grace released Jack. She went to the door and held it open for him. She needed him to leave before she started to cry. This was only one night out of her life and one awesome guy that couldn't be hers. She would get over it. But he had to go now. Jack dragged his feet a bit as he crossed the threshold and started down the hall.
"Hey, Jack." She called to him. He turned back to her, looking hopeful. "Let me know if you ever change your mind."
He smiled sadly, "You let me know if you ever change yours, Gracie."
TWO
"I'm not going and that's that."
Grace pulled the covers over her head and tried to ignore Jessie. They'd planned to go skiing, but Grace just wanted to stay in bed, order pizza, and watch old movies all weekend. A little Breakfast Club and some St. Elmo's Fire would be her only companions. Well maybe she'd let Ben and Jerry come over for a visit. Grace had just heard of a new flavor called salted caramel core and that sounded like an excellent way to waste some calories.