"So tell me, Grace. What are we doing here? Why can't you take my calls?" he asked. The man looked so dejected. Dammit. She didn't want to do this now. Grace already felt like her head would split open.
"I had a rather unexpected meeting with the executives. I'm still recovering from the shock of it to be honest." She tried to divert his attention for the moment. He just blinked at her.
"Exactly how am I adding to your stress level? I'd think of all people you'd want to talk to me, whether your day was going shitty or not. I mean, isn't that what couples do? They support each other, right?" Rick seemed to be deflating before her eyes.
"Rick, I really can't do this now . . ." she started, but he cut her off.
"Do you want to be with me or not, Grace? I'm tired of dancing around the subject with you. I get the distinct feeling you've been avoiding me ever since I brought up moving in together." He started out sounding angry, but ended sounding defeated.
"I'm just not ready to take such a big step, Rick."
"Alright, when do you think you will be?" He leaned forward to rest his arms on his knees.
"I just don't . . . I don't know." Grace didn't know what to say. She cared about Rick, she cared a lot actually. But she didn't know if she would ever be ready to take the next step. It was unfair of her to expect him to wait for a time that might never come. She was just about to tell him that when he rose swiftly from his seat and strode to the closed office door.
"We've been together for over a year, Grace. That's long enough to know if you want to be my wife or not." Rick choked on the end of his statement and tears filled his eyes. Grace was stunned. She just stared at him with her mouth agape. He'd said wife. That was the first time he'd ever mentioned anything about marriage. Grace's mouth opened and shut a few times but she couldn't get anything past the lump in her throat. She hadn't known Rick was quite this serious about their relationship. If she had, she would have ended it long before now.
"You don't need to say anything, Grace. It's written all over your face. If you don't know how much I love you, if you couldn't feel it, then you never will. If you aren't ready now, you never will be." He angrily swiped at his eyes to remove the moisture.
"You never said you loved me, Rick. Not once," she finally replied. It was a shitty reply, but it was all she had at the moment.
"I just did. And it still didn't make a damn bit of difference to you, did it?" he asked. She had no answer. She didn't want to hurt him but that seemed unavoidable now, because she couldn't give him the words in return.
"I'd tell you that I hope you find the man you need one day, but I won't. I hate him, whoever he is. I hate that that man isn't me." Rick opened the door and turned away. He paused on the threshold and whispered, "Goodbye, Grace." And then Rick was gone, forever.
****
The bedside phone woke Grace at 10am. It was Sunday, which was the only day she slept in, but even this hour was late for her. She hadn't been sleeping well lately. Her break up with Rick and the need to make a decision at work looming over her head made for a poor night's rest. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes. No one but her parents ever called her home phone and she knew neither of them would call this early on a Sunday. Dread suddenly filled her as she reached for the wireless phone. The fear that something was wrong at home shook her fully awake.
"Hello." Her voice was raspy with sleep when she answered. It was quiet for a beat before the caller spoke.
"Hello. I'm trying to reach Grace Yates," a man asked politely.
The air in Grace's lungs froze in place. She knew that voice, even after all of this time. She would know that voice if he called her a hundred years from now. It was Jack Landry. Grace couldn't seem to get the air in her lungs to move again. She stared at her reflection in the mirror of her dressing table and noted that she looked as stunned as she felt. She hadn't spoken to Jack in years. After college he'd made an effort to keep in touch with Grace. He'd even invited her to fly out to visit him a few times in those two years, but she always declined. At the time, her raw emotions wouldn't allow her to spend any length of time with Jack. Eventually he stopped reaching out to her. Grace had felt a strange sense of relief. Every time he called it would open her wounds again. Every time he begged her to come see him it became harder and harder to say no. It had been four or five years since she'd heard a word from the man.
"Hello?" Jack said. "Are you still there?"
"Yes." Grace cleared her throat. "I'm sorry. I was asleep when you called, Jack. This is Grace."
Then it was Jack's turn to be silent. Grace gave him a moment before saying, "Did I lose you?"
"No. I'm here. Sorry, it's just kind of wonderful to hear your voice after so long." He coughed and Grace had the feeling he hadn't meant to blurt out that admission. "I called because I'm in town, in New York that is, and I was wondering if we could get together."
Jack was here, in New York? Grace swallowed hard and tried to calm her pounding heart. Yes, she had been in love with Jack. Yes, he had crushed her tender heart. But that was a long time ago. She was an adult for God's sake! She could see him now and it wouldn't affect her at all. She could. And if she kept telling herself that lie maybe it would become the truth. Grace took a deep breath. She would meet Jack for a cup of coffee, they would catch up for a bit, and he would head back to the west coast, the other side of the country, where he belonged. As far away from Grace as possible.
"Sure, Jack, how about we catch up over coffee?" Coffee was good. They could meet in a busy place and chat. Grace would have a latte but Jack would order chai, because he didn't like coffee. The fact that she still remembered that was kind of sad.
"I have a meeting in thirty and I'm flying out this evening. Can you do lunch at Houndstooth on 8th and 36th, say one o'clock?" he sounded so hopeful.
Grace could never tell Jack no. Well except for when she'd refused to share him . . . and when she'd changed her mind about moving to Seattle . . . and every time he asked her to visit. So she supposed she did have the ability to say no. But did she have the will to say no when he was so close? It was only lunch. It was lunch in a busy British style pub at that. She knew the place well. Grace had taken clients there for drinks from time to time. It was a nice place with a relaxed atmosphere and the fish and chips were awesome. The Houndstooth was just as good as a coffee shop. There would be a big lunch crowd, even on Sunday. So it wouldn't be intimate at all.
A few hours later Grace stood outside of the Houndstooth adjusting the strap of her favorite powder blue sun dress and praying she wouldn't vomit on the side walk. Her nerves were shot. After hanging up with Jack she'd showered and obsessed over what she should wear. It was a hot day in Manhattan so she selected something light. The dress was something she would wear on any given Sunday, so she could tell herself she hadn't chosen it just for him. He may have broken her heart, but Grace was still a proud woman. Looking your best could be like armor against your insecurities. It had taken her a long time after Jack to re-enter the dating pool. The experience had left Grace feeling inadequate. She knew it was all in her head and Jack never intended to hurt her, but there it was and her self-esteem had taken a hit. So she'd taken extra time with her make-up and twisted her hair into an easy but stylish up-do. She didn't want to be seen as lacking, again.
Grace laughed at herself. She was being ridiculous. Jack was probably happily married with 2.5 kids and a dog by now. Maybe he married Victor and they'd adopted. Maybe he found the woman of his dreams. Grace had no idea. She took a deep breath and blew it out. Jack was in town for business. He reached out to an old girlfriend to have lunch. That was it. It had nothing to do with their past. She smiled to herself. It was going to be wonderful to see him. Even if it broke her heart all over again to listen to Jack talk about his wonderful family, Grace would be genuinely pleased for him. Jack was a good man. He deserved every happiness the fates could provide.
She was beginning to think Jack was standing her up when one-thirty rolled around and there was still no sign of him. She'd been so flustered by his call that she hadn't thought to ask him for his number. She decided to go in and have a drink . . . a very strong drink. She'd just pulled open the door to enter the pub when she heard her name called in that familiar deep voice that replayed in her dreams.
"Grace!"
Jack was coming around the corner at a hurried clip. Grace took him in from head to toe and her foolish heart did exactly what she feared it would do, it leapt with hope and longing all over again. He was just as handsome as she remembered, even more so now. He was broader through the chest and maybe even a little taller than she remembered. Jack looked a little untidy in a way that was unlike him with his hair in disarray, his tie loosened and the top button of his shirt undone. She supposed if he'd run to meet her in this heat he would be mussed.