“That I was a private person,” Max answered.
“Whatever. So, he’s hot, well hung, and talented where it counts. So what’s the issue? I swear, Max, if you’re one of those women with some strange hang-up about feet or something, I’m gonna slap you right upside your head.”
Max laughed. “If the rest of him is any indication, his feet could be in footwear modeling ads.” Max relaxed back into the corner of the booth and let out a breath. She had to be honest with Kaylie. No—she wanted to be honest. How could she figure this out if she wasn’t honest with Kaylie and herself?
“Remember when we were in Nassau and you guys saw me in the same clothes I’d worn the night before?” Max closed her eyes against the pain of her impending admission.
“Your walk-of-shame outfit? Of course.” Kaylie’s eyes opened wide. “Oh my God. You were with Treat?”
“No. That’s just it. I wasn’t. I was with Justin, just as I told you guys. But we didn’t do anything more than kiss good night.”
“Max, you’re killing me. I still don’t get it.”
“Well, I never said anything, but when Treat and I first met, there was a connection, or something. I don’t know what you would call it, but the second our eyes locked, it was like…”
“We all saw it. Love at first sight. Of course, I said lust at first sight at the time, but you know my sister. She swears by love at first sight ever since she fell in love with Blake.”
“I don’t know if it was love, but it was something strong.” Love? Do I love him? I can’t love him. You don’t fall in love overnight. That’s a fantasy. “Something that made me pull away every time I saw him after that first time. And he kept looking at me. It was like everywhere I went, he was there, looking at me like he wanted to devour me, but he never said anything. He didn’t ask me out, didn’t do anything but stare.”
“You are so blind, Max.” Kaylie took a sip of her tea. “The man kissed your hand and stared into your eyes. Doesn’t that sound like a romance novel to you? He didn’t do that to any of us. How could you miss that?”
“I was too busy picking my jaw up from the floor and trying to tamp down the desire to jump him to notice much of anything else.” She thought of when they’d first met, and Kaylie was right. He looked right through her with those seductive eyes. “I remember feeling naked. Like he was seeing so much more of me than anyone else could see.”
Kaylie let out a dreamy breath. “Isn’t that the greatest feeling? That instant when you know someone recognizes that you’re something more than what anyone else sees? I remember that with Chaz.”
“Hey, we’re talking about me here. Focus,” Max teased. “Anyway, that afternoon before the rehearsal dinner, I went down to the lobby and basically hung out, hoping I’d see him. When he wasn’t anywhere in sight, I went outside and walked around the grounds. Did you know there were three pools, not just one? That place was amazing. Anyway, I ended up on the beach, where I met Justin, and he asked me out.” She took a drink, building up her defenses for what she had to tell Kaylie and how it would make her feel to say it aloud. She didn’t want pity from her. She needed answers, and relationships weren’t like logistics. She could navigate logistics with her eyes closed.
“Treat saw me the next morning. He thought I had slept with Justin, I guess. I didn’t really know what he thought at the time, but it was pretty obvious that he thought I was a whore.”
“Max!” Kaylie gasped. “No, you’re wrong. You have to be. Everyone has a one-night stand at some point, and I’m sure Treat’s had many.”
“I never have,” she admitted.
“Wait. Never, as in never, never?”
Max shook her head. “Not once, and not that night either.”
“We’ll talk about that after. Wow. Okay, let’s figure this out first. So what did Treat say?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?”
“Nope. It was how he looked at me, like I was dirty.” She lowered her voice. “Like I was cheap and slutty. You know how a guy can look down at you and you know just what he’s thinking?” Max touched the end of her hair, then dropped her hands to her lap, and finally, crossed her arms to guard her heart from reliving the pain all over again.
“Oh, yeah. I know that look all too well, but unlike you, I give it right back with a quick retort that takes them to their knees.”
Max smiled. “Yeah, you would.”
“But that’s me, not you. Oh, Maxy. I’m so sorry. What did you say? Please tell me you said something to him to straighten him out.”
Max shook her head. “I wouldn’t even know what to say. I’ve never been in that situation before. I think I just blushed like a child and looked down at the floor. That’s kind of my normal go-to reaction with anything uncomfortable besides work.”
“I can’t even imagine how you must have felt. I mean, I’ve seen you rip people to shreds in a business environment. No offense or anything, but you get shit done and you don’t take any flack. You know, I guess this just shows us how multifaceted you are. You’re a ballbuster at work, a seductress in the bedroom, and a sensitive kitten at heart.” She brushed a strand of hair that had come loose from Max’s ponytail from her face. “Max, you must really care about him.”
“I think I do,” she admitted. “But I don’t want to be treated like that by anyone ever again.” She’d never told Kaylie about her ex-boyfriend who made her feel worthless every single day for months on end. Until one night when his verbal abuse had taken a turn for the worse and he’d done things to her that she couldn’t even think about. He’d grabbed her so roughly that she’d had bruises on her wrist for a week. Max had a good relationship with her mother, but her mother was of the mind-set that women didn’t share the trials and tribulations of one’s relationships. Because of that, when it came to her boyfriends, Max had never confided in her mother—in good times or in bad. And when Max had answered the phone crying the evening her boyfriend had done those terrible things to her, she’d been unable to put two sentences together, and her mother hadn’t even asked what had gone so wrong. With the space that always felt so empty between them, Max hadn’t expected her mother to be able to interpret her sobs; yet somehow she had. Her mother had two words for her: Get out. That was the night Max packed her bags and drove halfway across the country, leaving that weak persona, and—she’d thought—that broken girl, behind.
Luckily, Kaylie didn’t ask whether she’d ever been treated like that before. She assumed that Max had been referring to that one look from Treat.
“And you shouldn’t ever have to,” Kaylie said, pulling Max into a hug.
Max wiped the tears that had filled the corners of her eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be a buzzkill.”
“Who’re you kidding? You’re not a buzzkill. A buzzkill is sending a guy out in the middle of the night mid-you-know-what.” She smiled.
“Yeah, about that. That night before we…moved into the bedroom, he was trying to apologize, but I didn’t want to hear it. I was afraid I’d just get pissed off and, Kaylie, I wanted him so badly. I’ve never wanted anyone or anything as much as I wanted to be with him in that way.”
“That’s love, girl. I mean, there’s horny sex and then there’s love. Were you thinking about what you wanted to get done after he left?” Kaylie’s eyes were serious, contemplative.
“No. I couldn’t think past my next breath.”
“Were you comparing him to your other lovers?”
“I can count them all on one hand, and no. I seriously couldn’t think. I could barely speak.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “And it made me do things that I’d never initiate with anyone else.”
“Yup, that’s how you know. So, did he ever get to apologize? I mean, what pissed you off so badly that you had to kick him out? I’m still missing something.”
Max pulled her shoulders back and said, “I couldn’t push the image of that look away. It’s stupid, and I know that, but I didn’t want to be treated like that in the future, and even though he did all the right things and said things that made my toes curl, I just didn’t want to take the chance. So the wall came right back up. Brick and mortar, ten feet high. There was no way he was getting through.”
“Girl, you’re harsh.” Kaylie shook her head. “Did he get pissed?”
Max shook her head. “He was gracious. I think he really wanted to talk, like he was having sex with me because I pushed it, but he’d rather have talked things through first. And then he showed up at work last night, but you know that already.”
“That was good, right? I thought it was so romantic.”
“Yeah, it was.” Max smiled, thinking about their walk and the dinner they’d shared. “He told me stuff that he’s never told anyone else.”
“If he really and truly did not do one of those…” She lowered her voice an octave. “Oh yeah, baby, you tell me, I’ll tell you kind of things, where you know they’re just trying to get into your pants, then that’s a really clear indicator that he’s feeling for you what you’re feeling for him.”