Lover At Last(208)
Qhuinn cursed long and low. “I never thought I’d say this…but you don’t know me.”
“I don’t know you? I think the shoe’s on the other foot, asshole. You don’t know yourself.”
At that, he expected some kind of explosion, some theatrical, over-the-top, light-up-the-world emotion to roll out of the guy.
He didn’t get it.
Qhuinn just set his shoulders, leveled his chin, and spoke with control. “I’ve spent the last year trying to figure out who I am, dropping the act, getting clean—”
“Then I say you’ve wasted three hundred and sixty-five nights. But like everything about this, that’s on you.”
With a vicious curse, Blay turned and strode away—and he didn’t look back. No reason to. There wasn’t anyone in the corridor he wanted to see.
Man, if the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result, then he’d lost his marbles years ago. For his mental health, his emotional well-being, and his very life, he needed to put this all—
Qhuinn hauled him around by the arm, the guy’s furious face shoving into his own. “Don’t you walk away from me like that.”
Blay felt a wave of exhaustion tackle him. “Why. Because you have something else to say? Some insight into yourself that’s supposed to put the puzzle pieces together in a way that fits? Some big confession that’s going to right the ship and make everything sunset-on-the-beach perfect? You don’t have that kind of vocabulary, and I’m not that naive anymore.”
“I want you to remember something,” Qhuinn growled. “I tried to make this work between us. I gave us a shot.”
Blay’s mouth dropped open. “You gave us a shot? Are you fucking kidding me? You think having sex with me as a way to get back at your cousin is a relationship? You think a couple of sessions in secret is some kind of love affair?”
“It was all I had to work with.” Those mismatched eyes raked around Blay’s face. “I’m not saying it was a grand romance, but I showed up because I wanted to be with you any way I could.”
“Well, congratulations. And now that we’ve both sampled the goods, I can solidly say that you and I are not meant to be together.” As Qhuinn started cursing up a storm, Blay shoved a hand into his hair and wanted to rip the shit out of his head. “Listen, if it helps you sleep during the day—and I can’t believe this is really going to bother you for longer than a night—tell yourself you did what you could, but it didn’t work out. Myself? I prefer reality. What happened between you and me is exactly what you’ve done with all the other randoms you’ve been with. Sex—just sex. And now we’re done.”
Qhuinn’s eyes burned. “You’ve got me wrong on this.”
“Then you’re delusional as well as in denial.”
“People can change. I’m not like that anymore, and certainly not with you.”
God…it was a sad relief to feel nothing as those words were spoken to him. “You know…there was a time when I would have fallen to your feet to hear something like that,” he murmured. “But now…all I see is you jumping up from the floor the second someone came out a door and saw us together. You say that reaction is because of Saxton’s and my relationship? Fine. But I’m really sure…no, I’m totally sure…that if you scratch the surface on that, you’re going to discover it had much more to do with you rather than your cousin. You’ve hated yourself for so many years, I don’t think it’s possible for you to really love anybody or have any sense of who you are. I hope you figure it out sometime, but I’m not going to be part of that Lewis and Clark—I promise you.”
Qhuinn shook his head, his frown so deep it looked like a gully had grown between his brows. “Guess you’ve got me sewn up tight.”
“It’s really not that hard.”
“Just so you know, I was in love with you.”
“For three days, Qhuinn. Three days. During which there was enough drama going on to make War and Peace looked like a comic book. That’s not love. That’s good sex as a distraction from life being a shithole.”
“I’m not gay.”
“Fine. You’re bi. You’re bi-curious. You’re experimenting. Whatever. I don’t care. I really don’t. I know who I am and that’s how I get through my life. You’ve got another drill going entirely—and good luck with that. It’s clearly working so fucking well for you.”
With that, he walked away again.