Still beautiful.
His eyes are closed. His head falls back.
And for some reason I almost tell him my name. I form it with my lips and tongue, but he can’t see. I don’t know why I’d ever tell him…except that I want someone to see me here. To know me here. So that I don’t have to feel alone.
But he isn’t here to know me. He isn’t here to save me either.
Alertness breathes into him again. His expression is sated and…grateful. “C’mere,” he says on a grunt.
And before I can do what he says, he lifts me into his lap. He tucks my legs over the side of his and kisses me—slow, languid swipes of his tongue against mine.
I push away from him, staggering back. I don’t have my balance yet, but it doesn’t matter. I shove aside the velvet curtain and run. He hasn’t paid me, but I don’t care.
“What the hell?” Blue asks, grabbing my arm.
But I break free and keep running. I don’t care what happens behind me. I don’t care about Kip or the fact that I’ll never see him again.
It’s better if I don’t.
I read my mother’s diary until the day she left. That’s how I knew about her affair with the guards. More than one, although it was the last man who got her killed. She thought she loved him.
And she was planning to leave my father.
In that diary I saw her ticket to Tanglewood, West Virginia. There were two words scrawled on the ticket—The Grand. I’d never heard of it then, but it became a kind of North Star for me. As a teenager I had to stay with my family.
And when I’d finally run, I’d known just where we’d go.
I just hadn’t known it was a strip club until I arrived.
Chapter Three
A stranger looks at me from the mirror.
Black thong and red lipstick. They’re my costume, but sometimes it feels like I don’t need them. I’ve been hiding long enough that it feels more natural than honesty. My green eyes and black hair and pale skin are a costume too. I use them to disguise myself when I strip—just another set of tits and ass. How deep does that costume go?
Is there anything underneath?
I’m not sure anymore.
Lola crosses the room toward me. I watch her in the mirror, even when she perches on my vanity table. She wears some kind of red-leather strap bodice that shows more skin than it covers. It looks sexy and almost alien. “What happened?” she asks.
I blink. “What do you mean?”
“Don’t play dumb. That’s Candy’s routine. I know something’s eating you. And I know you left early last night. Some guy get fresh?”
Yeah, some guy had gotten fresh. But it had happened before and never affected me like this. It’s a good sign that she doesn’t know what happened though. It means Blue probably collected the money and made excuses for me. I’ll owe him one now. “I wasn’t feeling well.”
Her expression is knowing—and sympathetic. It’s the sympathy that hurts the most. “If you want to talk about it…”
I don’t want to talk about Kip and how strange he made me feel. Lola doesn’t even know why I’m here, who I’m running from—and I want to keep it that way. She doesn’t know any of my secrets.
“Where’s Candy?” I say instead.
“If you want to talk about it,” she says more sternly, “I’m here. The offer stands. And anyway, maybe there’s something going around, because Candy didn’t show today either.”
But Lola and I both know there isn’t any real sickness. “Did she call in?”
“No, but you know Candy.”
I do know Candy. I know she sometimes goes home with guys who promise her a good time, even though Ivan has rules about that. I know for Candy a good time means alcohol or drugs or both. It’s a dangerous game she plays, but I can’t judge. I just worry. “Maybe we can stop by after our shift.”
Lola snorts. “And get attacked in that fucking rat trap she lives in? No, thanks. I’d rather get attacked here. At least then I get paid.”
All the girls live in crappy places, but Candy’s place is actually the worst. Part of the ceiling in the hallway has just caved in, and there are always guys sitting in the stairwells. It looks more like an abandoned building that squatters use.
I kind of can’t believe she pays to live there. “Maybe if she doesn’t show up tomorrow, we’ll go.”
“She’d better show up tomorrow. Ivan’s already pissed.”
Shit shit shit.
Dread forms a large knot in my stomach. Ivan is our boss, and the second-scariest man I’ve ever met. Maybe Blue did tell on me. Though Ivan doesn’t visit often, and it seemed weird that he’d come just because I’d left early. And also acted strange with a customer, running out before getting paid. But even if I wasn’t the reason for his visit, I still might get in trouble now that he’s here.