Love's Taming(64)

Annie crossed her arms over her chest in a protective action before walking to the dresser to pull out a t-shirt. With her back to him, she finally let the tears fall. “I can’t do this now. I can’t be with you and let myself go knowing you’re possibly thinking of others.” Dashing her tears from her cheeks she turned around to face him but the sad look in his blue eyes nearly undid her.

“Annie, there has never been another woman in my life that I’ve loved. No one. You are the only one to have held my heart. The only one I have ever spent the night with. The only one that I have held all through the night. The only one I want to hold. Baby, I am so sorry. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to say to make this right.”

Hanging her head, she just nodded. “I don’t know either. I know I love you and your past is part of you. But somehow your past has always seemed like just that…the past. I’ve never once felt like that part of who you were crept into who we are now.”

Encouraged that she was still talking to him, he slowly moved forward until he was standing directly in front of her, without touching. He placed his fingers under her chin to lift her face up so that he could see her green eyes, bright with tears. “You are my sunshine. You are the reason I came out of the dark. You are the reason I have the desire to actually greet the real sun each morning and I know when the sun sets every evening, as long as you are with me, I’ll still have the sun shining on my face. Baby, I can’t change the past. I’ll work on controlling the flashbacks and memories. But the bottom line is this…I love you. I only love you. I have never loved anyone until you.”

As her tears slid silently down her cheeks, she felt the rough pads of his thumbs sweep them away. Taking a shaky breath that hitched painfully, she leaned her face into his chest. Listening to his heartbeat, she realized that he couldn’t change his past. Remembering all that he had given up over the past two years, she knew he needed acceptance, not her recrimination.

Shane held her head against his chest, his heart pounding in both fear that she was going to leave him, and love for this tiny woman. Kissing the top of her head, he whispered, “I’m so sorry, baby.”

She turned her face up to his and shook her head. “I’m sorry too. I know you can’t change the past and I know you can’t help when things flash back.” Taking another shaky breath, she said, “We’ll just have to find our way.”

Breathing easy for the first time since they entered the bedroom, he held her tightly a few more minutes. “Let’s go to bed, baby. Why don’t you use the bathroom first and I’ll make sure the apartment is secure, okay?”

Crawling into bed several minutes later, they looked at each other awkwardly. Shane, taking charge said, “Come on, baby,” as he pulled her body in tightly to his. “We’ll sleep tonight. As long as we’re together, everything is gonna be fine.”

Annie felt the familiar warmth of his body surrounding hers and she drifted off to sleep quickly, the emotion of the evening having exhausted her.

Shane lay awake holding her for a long time. I promised to protect her. But what about protecting her from myself? Before dropping off to sleep, he decided to call the department shrink tomorrow. I may have come in from the dark, but it still has a hold on me. No more. That shit stops. Kissing her head one more time as he listened to her slow, rhythmic breathing, he finally slept.





Chapter 21





The next several weeks flew by as Shane and Annie found themselves busier than ever. As the holidays approached, the clinic was packed with animals that ate things they shouldn’t have eaten and worried owners. Annie’s schedule did not allow any breaks and Shane was equally busy with trying to tie up the loose ends in several cases, keep an eye out to make sure none of the major players were making bail, and trying to find an apartment. Plus talk to the department shrink.

Matt looked over at his partner, studying files on his desk. “Is it helpin’?” he asked.

Shane looked up, knowing instinctively what Matt was talking about. He had confided about the incident with Annie to him. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slowly. “Only met him a couple of times, so I don’t really know yet.” Looking away for a moment in thought, he continued, “But yeah, I guess it’s not so bad talkin’ about it.”

“How’s Annie doin’?”

Shane’s piercing glance came back to Matt’s. “In general or with my shit?”

Matt shrugged. “Both, I suppose.”

“In general, fine. Busy. She’s been puttin’ in long hours ‘cause it seems the holidays are when everyone’s pets get fuckin’ stupid, eatin’ shit they shouldn’t. I asked her about takin’ on another vet, maybe even part time, and she’s thinkin’ about it.”