“Yeah, well, maybe he needs you to not be there for him. Maybe he needs to face his demons on his own. And you need to get some sleep.” Lloyd led her toward the covered wagon.
“How can I sleep? He’s out there alone. When he gets like this—”
“Let him be alone, Mom. He’ll be back. You have that man so hog-tied he can hardly breathe without you. Remember what he told Jeff for that book? You are the air he breathes.”
Randy looked up at him. “Doesn’t he realize I feel the same way about him?”
“Sure he does, but this one ran really deep. He needs time to deal with it.”
Randy looked off into the darkness. “That’s what worries me.” She turned away. “This was so…personal. Sometimes an insult can hurt worse than a bullet. And I have a feeling what that man said hit some kind of chord—something Jake has never told me, probably about his father.” She sighed and shook her head. “I hate it when he leaves without talking to me. That’s when he goes to that lonely place where I can’t reach him.”
“Then you need to pray for him. That’s all you can do.”
“I’ve been praying for Jake Harkner for thirty years. I hate his father so much for all the damage he did, Lloyd. Not just the physical beatings, but the mental ones.”
“And God brought you into his life. He’ll be okay.” Lloyd urged her back to the wagon, hoping he was right.
Fifteen
The men sat quietly around the morning campfire, drinking coffee and eating biscuits and bacon. There was very little conversation. Jake never came back the night of his confrontation with Clem, nor last night. All wondered the same thing: Was he coming back at all?
Lloyd only drank coffee. He didn’t eat. He threw the remains of his coffee into the fire, making it hiss, then tossed the tin cup at a man named Moses Crenshaw, who was their designated cook. He stood up and lit a cigarette, then noticed a rider in the distance. He knew his father’s silhouette well enough to realize it was Jake.
“Well, what do you know?” Pepper muttered.
“Don’t anybody say a word to him,” Lloyd warned. “Just let him ride in.” He leaned against the cook wagon while others finished eating and lit their own cigarettes.
Jake rode closer and dismounted, obviously weary. He pulled his rifle from its strap on the saddle, then removed the saddle and set it in the grass along with his gear. He took off the horse’s bridle, then smacked the animal on the rump. “Go get some rest,” he called to it. He walked into the circle of men and sat down, pouring himself some coffee. “Pepper, I’ll need a fresh horse.”
“Yes, sir.”
Jake swallowed some coffee, glancing at Lloyd with bloodshot eyes.
“You look like shit,” Lloyd told him.
Jake set down his coffee cup and reached into his pocket for a cigarette. “I don’t doubt that,” he answered. He lit the cigarette.
“I only want to know one thing, Pa.”
Jake took a deep drag on his cigarette, blowing out smoke as he answered. “No, I didn’t go find Clem and kill him, if that’s what you’re wondering.”
“Good.”
Jake looked at the others. “We should be in Denver by this afternoon. Pepper, you and Cole herd the cattle to the stockyards and—”
“I already gave those orders,” Lloyd interrupted. “Don’t be concerned with the cattle, Pa. Be concerned about my mother. She’s a wreck. She thought maybe you wouldn’t come back.”
Jake slowly rose, keeping his cigarette at the corner of his mouth. “From the look on your face, maybe I shouldn’t have come back!”
Lloyd just shook his head. “And you’re a damn fool!” He turned and walked away. Jake watched him. He’d never seen his son quite like this.
“Jake, he’s just upset about his mother and sister,” Pepper said cautiously. “I think it hit him hard, thinkin’ he might be responsible for takin’ care of the whole family on his own.”
Jake rubbed at his eyes. “Sorry you men had to witness any of this. I have a bit of a problem with my temper.”
“No kidding?” Cole answered. “We never noticed.”
Jake looked at him and saw a grin on his face. He smiled a little himself before taking another drag on the cigarette and then gulping down the rest of the coffee. “There’s something down inside me that’s kind of like a dragon coming up from a dungeon to roar and spit fire once in a while. All of you know how I feel about my family. The anger is at myself and my…father…not at any of them.”
“We know,” Pepper told him. “And by the way, we, uh, yesterday we rode through an area filled with wildflowers—every color in the book—so we all picked some for your wife and daughter. ’Course they cried, but I think it made them feel better.”