He pulled away.
“Jake, don’t say a word to her about it. She’d be devastated. She hated for you to know, because she understands how easily you blame yourself for all of it. Remember that she forgave them. That’s how she lives with it. And she needs her father to stay calm.”
“I should have killed the sonofabitch when I had the chance!” The words were spoken in a gruff but lowered voice. Randy knew the vision of his daughter being so brutalized was torture for him.
“That would have broken Evie’s heart, Jake. She doesn’t want her father to be the man he was the first thirty years of his life. There are laws now, Jake, even more so than when you were a marshal—and a judge sentenced you to serve that duty as part of a reprieve from prison, allowing you to use your knowledge of outlaws to help the law rather than ride against it. But you’re still Jake Harkner, and now that you’re no longer wearing a badge, the law will be watching you. The book Jeff wrote has made you even more famous, which makes you even more noticeable.” She turned and looked up at him, almost gasping at the look in his eyes. There it was—the ruthless outlaw.
“He needs to die, and you know it!”
She grasped his arms. “Jake, do you love Evie?”
“You know you don’t need to ask that!”
“And do you love me? And those beautiful little granddaughters out there? And Stevie and Ben and Little Jake and the new grandchild on the way?”
He pulled away and turned. Before he’d even finished the cigarette, he threw it out into a puddle left from a soft rain the night before. He grasped the railing so tightly his knuckles turned white. His breathing quickened as he shook his head, and Randy knew he was struggling with a rage that wanted to explode out of him. She could almost hear a rumbling sound. “My God, how can she forgive something like that?” he said, his voice husky with fury.
“Because she’s full of God’s grace, Jake, and she knows that’s the only way to stay sane. She loves Brian and wants to be a good wife and a good mother, so she has to go on with her life and be a woman for Brian and leave the past behind her.” She deftly moved an arm around his waist, realizing she was probably the only person who could touch Jake Harkner when he was like this and not worry about him roaring at her and shoving her away. “Jake, please look at me.”
He just shook his head and stared at the puddle of water. “Some say I should have let her testify, but I damn well wasn’t going to put her through that. It was better that every man there was presumed guilty.”
Randy watched his jaw twitch in repressed fury. Finally, he turned to look at her, and she leaned up and kissed his cheek, kissed the thin scar from when he got into a wild fight with their adopted son’s abusive father. “Jake, you can’t let this eat at you. Mike Holt might never show up, and even if he does and tries to make trouble, you have to let the law handle it. The law, Jake.” Her eyes teared. “After all we’ve been through making sure you’re a free man, I don’t want to spend my old age sitting alone on this porch while you die in prison. I’m already scared of what might happen from the shoot-out with those rustlers the other day. Everything you do gets extra scrutiny.”
“A man has a right to protect what’s his. Those rustlers broke that law you’re talking about. I didn’t! And they would have come after you if I hadn’t made sure they couldn’t.”
She moved both arms around him. He was rigid with anger. “You can’t save the whole world, Jake. You can defend us, but you can’t go looking for someone who might do something to one of us. It just doesn’t work that way anymore.” She pressed the side of her face against his chest and felt his mother’s crucifix against her cheek. He’d worn it under his shirt his whole life…ever since he’d witnessed his father murder his mother and little brother and then was forced to help bury them. Those ugly memories that visited him deep in the night were what kept the battle between good and evil raging deep inside his soul. It was only the love he’d found with Randy and their family that kept him from going over the edge. “Just promise me you’ll be careful. It would destroy us all to see you go back to the dark hatred and maybe even go back to prison.” She breathed in his familiar scent. “I’ve grown used to finally having these arms around me every night, Jake.”
She felt some of the tension leaving him. He finally softened a little, embraced her, and kissed the top of her head. “Believe me, woman, I don’t want to do something that means I can’t have you with me in bed every night, but a man should have the right to avenge the abuse of his own loved ones.”