Most of the time, Randy’s only words were “Don’t let go of me.” So Jake slept with her, holding her close. He dared to get up only when he was sure she was in a deep sleep and wouldn’t cry out for him. His inner struggle made his chest hurt. Lloyd was gone, and there was no one with whom to share this agony. Always before, this was about himself or someone else, and he could always turn to Randy for comfort and support.
This time it was about Randy, and there was no one to lean on. In all his years of ruthless handling of men, he’d never felt so helpless. It was up to him now to face this worst hurt and devastation on his own. It was his turn to be the emotionally strong one, and that was one area in which he’d never felt strong.
He was alone with his thoughts, alone against the blackness that tried to destroy his will. There was nothing to do but stoke the fire, make more coffee, smoke, and, once in a while, tend to Midnight. The only thing left to pass the time was to read, and his very clever, conniving, Christian daughter had made sure the only thing around for that was a Bible. Jake knew it was her way of loving him and trying to show him the only answer was to turn to God and the Good Book.
Reluctantly, he picked it up and thumbed through it, grinning at knowing Evie could be as mischievous and cunning as he could—or Lloyd—or Little Jake—but in a much different way. She was so much stronger than people gave her credit for, and it was this book that gave her that strength. He wondered if it could do the same for him. For years, he’d fought the goodness Evie swore existed in his soul. His father’s railings about how worthless he was had never left him and probably never would, but it was nice to think others saw that little bit of worth in him—and no one believed in him more than Evie…and Randy. Now he didn’t know what to do with the one woman with whom he’d been so intimate for so many years—this woman who now was shutting him out when she wasn’t begging him not to let go of her.
What did that mean? Don’t let go of me. He was beginning to think she meant more than not letting go of her physically. Maybe she meant that she didn’t want him to let go of the Randy she was before all of this…the Randy who gave herself to him so willingly and freely and with such desire and pleasure…and with so much love.
Revenge is sweet, Lloyd had told him, and it doesn’t always mean needing a gun.
Jake opened the Bible, not even sure why. Damned if Evie didn’t get to him even when she wasn’t around. The Bible practically fell open to the Book of Ruth. He felt completely inept at this and didn’t want Randy to catch him reading it, but when he glanced at her, damned if she wasn’t lying there, watching him. She held his gaze.
“Perhaps what I’ve been through is making me hallucinate,” she told him, her voice weak. “I could swear my husband is reading the Bible.”
Jake grinned, wondering if he dared think she was getting some of her spunk back.
“Well, all you do is sleep, and it’s snowing out, so I’m getting restless and bored. I had to do something, and our very devious daughter made sure a Bible was the only book included in the supplies they brought up here. I’d gladly read Hawthorne or Dickens or one of those other fancy books you always talk about.”
“Is that so? Why don’t you tell me the real reason you’re reading that book?”
He watched her closely. God help me say the right things. He shrugged. “Evie always says that when she has a problem or is feeling down, she prays about it and then picks this thing up and reads the first thing she turns to. It almost always helps her find the answer.”
“You prayed?”
“Maybe.”
Randy smiled a little. “There’s no maybe to that question, Jake. You did pray.”
“You think you know everything about me, but you don’t know half of it.”
“I guess that’s one of the secrets you keep that we talked about.”
“I guess so.”
“And what’s the first Bible passage you turned to?”
He struggled not to break down. He wanted to rush over and grab her close and beg her to come back to him in spirit. “Well, I’m not so sure it was a chance thing. I can tell Evie bent this back a little too much so it would fall open to this spot, the Book of Ruth. On top of that, she underlined something.” Was she really studying him lovingly? What the hell was he supposed to do?
“Read it, Jake.”
He sighed again and ran a hand through his hair. “It’s, uh, right in the first chapter, verse sixteen.”
Randy knew the verse and spoke it for him. “And Ruth said, Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither thou goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. Where thou diest, will I die, and there will be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me.”